List Deployment Research Paper

10. List deployments, dates and roles.*

1997 USS JFK EOD Team Member
1998 Bosnia EOD Team Leader
1999 Kosovo EOD operator attached to ST-8
2001Egypt EOD LCPO
2006 Iraq EOD LCPO
2006 Afghanistan EOD LCPO
2007 USS Enterprise EOD LCPO
2009 Bahrain EOD LCPO
2011 Afghanistan DCHOPS

20. Do you or others close to you think that you have emotional or psychiatric difficulties that need to be addressed?*

My close friends, you know me have expressed concern about the decline of my well-being over the last few years. Their observations are correct, every day is challenging for me and I’m all too aware that I have to tackle these problems if I want to be healthy again.

21. Have you received a psychiatric diagnosis from a behavioral health or medical professional?*

Before retiring from the military I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders. The VA rated me at 70% for these issues.

22. Have you ever been treated for this diagnosis/diagnoses?*

While on active duty I was seeing a psychiatrist who treated me with multiple pharmaceuticals for my problems. During that time, I was paying for a therapist out of pocket since the TRICARE providers I found weren’t helpful. After moving from VA Beach, VA to Seattle, WA I received acupuncture for PTSD.

23.

Describe your satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the therapies or treatments you have received.*

The majority as a treatment I received his been disturbingly ineffective. While in the military the primary projective seemed to be pharmaceutically based. This masked symptoms without attempting to diagnose and treat the cause. I’ve tried numerous therapists over the years and it seems the most closely tied to the military or the VA the less helpful they were. The VA was by far the most disappointing experience in my quest for mental health. After much research, I discovered www.thesoldiersproject.org, a resource that has made the most significant positive impact on my recovery.

31. Are you currently taking any prescription medications?*

Currently, I only take tamsulosin. However, within the last year, I was on anywhere between 10-12 different prescriptions to manage my health. Getting off them was difficult but essential. I believe that the eagerness to prescribe was partially responsible for poor health and did more harm than good.

32. Do you currently take any over-the-counter supplements (e.g., workout, weight loss, sleep, mood, energy)?*

The only over the counter supplement I’m taking are vitamins, fish oil, and the occasional 5-hour energy.

39. How did you hear about the Warrior PATHH Program at Boulder Crest Retreat?*

My long time friend Karolyn Hayward, wife of a fellow retired EOD tech told me about the program. Then she told me again, and again… I love her so much for it and I cry every time I think about the possibility of getting into the program. It makes filling out this application difficult.

40. Please list the ways (positive and/or negative) you currently cope with or manage stress.*

One terrible way of coping was drinking, especially after losing people to suicide. Lately, that’s far less frequent of an issue. Avoidance is another habit for stress management. It’s important me for me to be aware of when I’m doing it so that I can address it. Letting things build creates a larger problem in the end but honestly, sometimes I don’t know how to address problems even if I’m aware of their existence.

I post affirmations on index cards and say them out loud as often as possible. I’m not much of a reader; instead, I listen to books on tape when I drive. Because I can’t see my therapist on a weekly basis while I’m traveling, we communicate by text or email a few times a week. Also, I put a lot of effort into doing activities that used to make me happy, when possible I put myself in a position to be outside and around people.

41. Please identify specific people in your life that you rely on for support. Briefly, describe how each person supports you:*

I have no family or next of kin so I rely heavily on a few close relationships.
Kaolin, is the person that told me about the program. I’ve grown close to her and her family over the last 12 years I’ve known her. I even named my dog after their youngest child. Being a Navy EOD spouse she’s seen all the ugliness that goes with military life. She’s always checking on my well-being and helping me find my way. I never want to disappoint her, when your friends are so worried that they are trying to find solutions, it’s wise to listen.

Eric – firefighter and closest friend over the last 20+ years. He’s seen the effects of the last five years. The reason battles he’s quick to pick up the phone and ask me how feeling. Not for just curiosity but to understand where I’m and get perspective.

Jonny – fellow retired him of detect. We went to EOD school together and have been an integral part of each other’s lives since. Our conversations are the most emotional because we’ve seen so much of the same stuff. Every step I take defining health and happiness I conveyed to him. He benefits from my successes I think. Strongly why him to find help and if the Warrior PATHH program works for me, maybe he’ll consider it.

Nancy – my therapist, God helped me out finding her. 2015 was terrible; finding her in 2016 was a game changer and helped me in immeasurable ways. We communicate several times a week and she always finds time to help.

43. Please tell us your personal goals for attending the . What do you hope to achieve or change as part of your work in this program?*

I didn’t become damaged overnight or over one event, it took years. Sometimes, cleaning it all up is daunting and hard to tell where to begin. When I departed from the military life I was emotionally exhausted, felt used and betrayed by people that I was supposed to trust. For me, I need to understand how to identify what problems have been created and how to actually work on them. Not feeling isn’t my goal, having appropriate feelings is.

44. Please describe why you feel that a program like PATHH will benefit you at this point in your life:*

The last 5 years of my life have been the toughest span I’ve endured. After returning from a deployment where my task force lost 73 lives I slipped through the cracks and received no aftercare. Shortly after I found out that my fiancé was having sex with strangers in my condo because I didn’t give her enough attention while deployed. We tried couples counseling till I walked in on her having sex with her neighbor. I’ve lost too many friends to suicide, one drank himself to death. In retirement, I moved to from VA Beach to Seattle to their having an acupuncturist and it’ll people with pain, in the same way, helped me. Nine weeks after moving there I was a passenger in a vehicle that was rear-ended 40 miles an hour. My body was battered and it took 6 months for the headaches to get under control. Just as I was starting to feel relief I broke my collarbone requiring surgery. My first 2 months at Bastyr were in a sling. While maintaining a 23-hour caseload I was spending 12-15 hours getting medical care. In November, a pinched nerve shut down to a great extent the use of my left arm and I was in so much pain I would go days without sleep. In December, the weekend before finals, while trying to avoid a trip to the ER my girlfriend terminated our relationship. We had moved across the country together and purchased a house in June. Fortunately, Bastyr University has student dorms so I wasn’t left homeless but it was a bad situation. At the beginning of the Spring quarter, after 5 days of classes and a 14 hour weekend lecture my body quit and I physically was not able to make it to classes. My best option was taking time off school which meant I had to give up my housing.

I’m pretty beat up by these events but have not stopped working towards good health. I treated my pinched nerve without the surgery that was recommended by western doctors. In January, I came off all my medications except one. I bought a 20-foot travel trailer so I would have a home while I figured out my path. My only obligations are to myself for the next 3 months. This is a time of healing and recovery for me. From what I understand about the program, it is my best option for getting my life back on track. I’m tired of survivors guilt, depression, nightmares, insomnia, and all the other problems that plague me due to experiencing so much pain and loss.

I’ve changed my career path drastically so that I can learn alternative medicine to helps people like myself. To make it through the program and become a successful healer I need help. Carrying the burden I do isn’t easy. Apparently, it’s got people worried more that I can put into words. Please help me, I’m lost and scared, and have taken too much abuse.

45. Please describe your plan to implement the lessons you will learn at the Warrior PATHH program into your daily life.*

I’m unsure what lessons that I’m going to learn so it’s difficult to say exactly how they will be implemented into my daily life. Typically, when I’m working on a goal, I tell key people in my life that I need support. Usually, I’ll let them know what to ask and how often to do so. Like I do with my affirmations, I post goals that I’m working on in the place that gets my attention. This helps keep me going in a planned direction. This is especially useful times I have energy but don’t know where to efficiently apply it.

46. Please describe what personal characteristics, relationships, work problems or other issues are likely to be obstacles to your ability to implement changes to your daily life.*

I’m in the middle of revamping my life from scratch. I’m on leave of absence from medical school till the fall so that I can recover from multiple injuries. Till then, I’m traveling the Pacific Northwest with my ESA. Not having a commitment to a work schedule or relationship frees up a lot of time and energy to focus on me. Energy is the resource I lack most. When I first took time off from school I was sleeping up to 16 hours a day letting my body recover.
Living alone isn’t ideal for me. I prefer a companion who I can turn to for motivation and share how I’m progressing. Unfortunately, it’s not something that is easily remedied.
In September, I hope to transfer to Portland, OR for acupuncture school with a reduced class load from they’ve rescheduled from what I previously had at my Seattle school. Being in school, I could have a tendency to avoid problems and will be more easily distracted. Attending the July program would give me a lot of time to absorb the new information and establish new habits or practices unhindered by a schedule.

47. Please describe what you gained from past psychiatric treatments (i.e., counseling/psychotherapy, medications, intensive outpatient programs, inpatient programs):*

Medications like trazodone, prescribed to me for sleep disorders were the most beneficial. They created tangible Benefits with you side effects. For years, I was unable to sleep unmediated. Although some medications were good, my overall feeling about how prescriptions are given is pretty negative.

My current counselor, and by far the best individual I’ve met in that field, asks me relative questions. She encourages me to open up and I feel safe doing so with her. Quite often I consider myself fortunate there is so many people any worse situations than me. She reminds me that this may not be the best matrix self-evaluation. Also, she brings to light things that are and things that are not my responsibility which is a huge diversion from my mentality for the last decade or so where I was responsible for so much of other people's lives.

48. Please describe in what ways you feel these treatments did not help you:*

More often than not the counseling I received was with people who didn’t understand military life for the reality of what we put ourselves through trying to my unrealistic expectations. I still hold myself accountable as if I lived in a zero defect environment like what my community had involved into prior to retirement. One of my one counselor particular maybe feels like he just wanted to hear stories about life in a combat zone rather than help me move on with my life in a healthy fashion. When leaving sessions like that I just feel used and disappointed because it stirs up a lot of emotion without providing me with tools.

Regarding pharmaceuticals, they have replaced but I don’t think it’s fair to prescribe mood-altering medications without first considering the long term effects and what is the off-ramp.

My Navy position refused to discuss taking me off the medications. In fact, he had modified three different prescriptions over the phone well I was on vacation without supervision or guidance, that nightmare almost ended the relationship I was in. After asking numerous times to be taken off of Effexor I was ignored and told no. The effects of the medications on my body were so terrible, so I did a lot of research any got off the medicine without his

assistance.

I’m an extremely smart, capable, and strong willed individual. Not being given tools I can use to help recover from this short phase of my life by licensed professionals wears me out. Finding help takes a lot of time and effort, when it ends result in inadequate care, it shuts me down. After losing momentum, it takes the time to regain enough the energy to look for a new approach to healing.