Humorous Wedding Speech to a Groom with Long Hair
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen.
I must admit, I am more nervous about being best man than I was at my own wedding. Maybe it’s because I have been married a year and I know what Jonathan’s letting himself in for!
And on that happy occasion, as some of you know, Jonathan was my best man and he did a wonderful job. However Jonathan, there are many reasons why you should get married and I’m not sure if revenge is one of them. But, it is a great thrill and an honor, and Jonathan’s already agreed that I can do it again next time!
First of all, Pamela, you look radiant – absolutely stunning in that dress. Jonathan, you need a haircut! As I was walking behind him leaving the church this morning a funny thought occurred to me. From the back, it is very difficult to tell if Jonathan is a man who needs a haircut or a woman who just had one. When Jonathan was best man at my wedding he made a great deal of me having a mullet. Jonathan, I don’t think I have to say anything more about your present hairstyle other than at least mine had a name.
But he hasn’t always looked this way as you’re about to find out. When I first met him, at the age of fifteen, he was in the process of developing a 'Human League' style flick, which his sister Sally enhanced with a little coloring. The words 'Babe Magnet' do spring to mind – but not on this occasion. We soon became close and it was great to have someone to hang out with because being a teenager is never easy. Rejection is the worst thing. I know all about the humiliation of being turned away; from football teams for not being good enough, from pubs for not looking old enough and from women for not looking male enough. Yep, I’ve seen Jonathan do all those things, and he carried himself with dignity throughout.
After leaving school and between getting a job, Jonathan smartened himself up. But he suffered terribly from headaches during this period, he was going for the wet hair look and the toilet seat kept falling down. However, this new image seemed to completely contradict his emerging obsession with the electric guitar that was to keep him banging away in his bedroom until the small hours – or at least that’s what he told his mum.
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. It’s surprising just how far some people are prepared to travel for a free lunch. It’s a good job the groom didn't choose the menu, otherwise we would have had penut-butter sandwiches washed down with beer.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Hannah and am trying to do as good a job as I can today to be Brian’s best man – rather as good a job as I am able to do given that there was no way I was going to put my name down to have gender reassignment surgery so that I could properly fulfil the role. I was a bit surprised, although naturally honoured, when Brian asked me to do this, but in actual fact, having a girl as a best man makes perfect sense as it shows that Brian has carefully thought ahead to his life as a married man and is happy with the woman having the last word! However if there’s anybody here who feels nervous and apprehensive at the thought of what is soon to come… it is probably because you have just married Brian.
to be his wife to undress and join him in bed, the audience must have reacted
It is customary for the best man to retell an embarrassing tale or two from the bridegroom’s past. As Gary’s oldest friend, this part of the speech fell to me. However, I had two problems with this. Firstly, Gary originally insisted on vetting the speech, which would have meant me going to the trouble of preparing two speeches. Luckily, he relented. Secondly, Gary is the original Mr. Nice Guy and it's very difficult to think of anything bad to say about him. So, back to you Steve!
And my little brother…well well… you’ve finally done it… after 30 years of endless soulsearching… you’ve finally taken the plunge… and admitted that I am really the best man. Thank you for giving in. It’s been a long struggle… and the best man has won. And now I hope you don’t mind if I kick you while you’re down…
I am sure you will all agree that this has turned out to be a fabulous wedding celebration so far. Rhonda, you really do look beautiful in that dress and I could see Tim swelling with pride as you walked down the aisle earlier today.
Montgomery, Michael (2005). Gangs reach out of prison to commit crimes. Retrieved March 7th, 2005 from www.npr.org
Riordan, G. (2007). The Corset Douglas, M. (1966). External Boundaries. In Purity and Danger. (pp. 140-159). New York City: Routledge Classics .
Also, I'd like to say that the bride looks absolutely stunning today, as for the groom he just looks stunned. I am on a strict time limit from the bride, so the more you laugh at my jokes, the quicker my speech will be.
would be a very gallant thing for him to do to marry one of his
Fleisher, M. S., & Decker, S. H. (2001). An Overview of the Challenge of Prison Gangs. Corrections Management Quarterly, 5(1), 1.
Gang violence is nationally and is one of the most noticeable problems in the prison system today. “Gang affiliated inmates comprise about 18 percent of the 18000 inmate population.” (Seabrook) A increasing numbers of inmates and a great amount of them serving longer sentences for violent crimes advise an outstanding increase in gangs and violence in the prison system in the upcoming future. While in prison offenders become part of the gang or a member of the gang 's victim pool. Race and culture also seem to be the major factors in the discrimination of inmates. The
Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Pamela. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple.
When I look at the bride and groom, I feel such a kaleidoscope of emotions. I know that Kari has found her true match and I know that theirs will be a marriage of long standing. My heart is bursting with love for you two today. I know you have a wonderful adventure ahead of you, and with God?s blessing your marriage will last for decades to come.
The last time Mike and I had talked must have been at his wedding back in June, a rather sordid affair which featured a decrepit colored minister and synthetic flowers adornments, which littered the quaint chapel’s pews. Poor Mike. Ever since his father’s paper business- nay, paper empire- collapsed, Mike’s been living like a pauper. No more luncheon cocktails or tailored suits. He had to get a job. He even ended up marrying the daughter of a high school teacher- pretty little thing, but rather dull if you asked me. Oh what was her name?