Gender Interview Research Paper

For the purpose of this assignment, I chose to interview my grandmother, Charmaine Tompkins. Growing up, my grandmother has been like a second mom to me because she has been so involved in my life. From staying at my grandparents house after I would get home from elementary school to having my grandmother come visit me while I’m at Purdue, she has really been there every step of the way. The second reason I chose to interview my grandmother was because after knowing her for 21 years, I’ve never gotten the chance to sit down with her and talk about herself and her life. My grandmother is so selfless. She puts every family member before herself, no matter what she has going on in her life. She’s always there to listen to what someone has to

say and can make them feel loved just by her attentiveness to the conversation. I felt it was time that I gave her that feeling that she gives so many others when it comes to talking about themselves and what’s going on in their lives.
My grandmother just turned 80 in September, but you would never know because she’s one of the most active people out there. My grandmother’s father was from Lebanon and her mother was of Polish decent. I have always been close with my grandmother ever since I was a little kid. I think that spending so much time with her as a child really helped our relationship and has brought us much closer. My grandmother grew up in my hometown of Michigan City, Indiana in the late 1930’s. It’s crazy to think that my family has been living in the same town for such a long period of time. My family is all very close, most of them live in Michigan City today and spend a large amount of time together, especially with my Grandmother. She seems to be the one in the family that everyone makes sure knows what’s going on in their lives.
There are a few different gender theories that I will be explaining and relating to my grandmother and her life that will be driving my analysis.

The first theory I would like to discuss when thinking back on my grandmother’s life is doing gender. Doing gender is a pretty simple theory that discusses how we either obey or break gender rules. My grandmother grew up in a time where gender rules were set very strictly that people did not often break. She said that growing up, there were things that girls were supposed to do in their free time, such as making / playing with dolls, braiding hair, and cooking with their mother while boys were supposed to be playing outside, helping their father fix the car, and doing any dirty work. My grandmother also discussed how they were gender policed if they broke these gender norms. Gender policing is defined as how to appear / behave as a woman or man. She discussed the fact that people were very harsh on boys if they were to do something that was considered “feminine” such as cooking or indoor cleaning, while they were less harsh on girls for breaking these gender norms. A lot of the times when people break these gender norms they do something called “providing accounts”. This is when people try to make breaking a gender norm seem normal or okay. The final theory I will be talking about in my paper is ageism. Ageism is defined as a prejudice based on preference for the young. This has been around since my grandmother was in the workforce, which doesn’t surprise me in the least bit. Ageism is still a problem today when it comes to how how people treat the elderly and the opportunities they are

given.
One thing I found to be very interesting that relates back to one of the theories we discussed in class was when my grandmother said she used to like helping her father work on the car after he would get home from work. She told me she would tell her friends that she was doing it so she could get a chance to spend more time with her father, even though she was actually interested in the car itself. When it comes to these specific theories, they are all closely intertwined. People do not want to break gender norms, even if they feel they shouldn’t be going along with them, because they do not want to be policed. A lot of the time, people are policed into following the gender norms. This all relates back to how a person does gender. If they are obeying gender rules, they will not be policed, if they are breaking gender rules, they will be most likely be policed until they start following the specific gender rules set up by society. One thing that is important to not though is that gender rules are constantly changing over time. things that may have been considered a break in gender rules back then, may not be considered a break in gender rules today. Something that relates back to this is the feminine apologetic. This is defined as the requirement that women balance their appropriation of masculine interests/traits/attitudes with feminine performances. This is also though of as an account.
When it comes to doing gender, my grandmother’s life was pretty much based on this in a lot of ways. You did not see a lot of breaks in gender rules in the 1930’s when my grandmother was growing up. She discussed their being “silent standards” for boys and girls, meaning that everyone followed what they thought they were supposed to be doing just because they were a boy or a girl. She discussed the fact that people really tried to follow the gender rules when she was younger because it was has always been done a certain way. She did however discuss with me how people sometimes did break these gender rules. Some examples she gave of this were boys wanting to bake with their mothers, girls playing baseball with the boys, and girls working on cars with their fathers. This all relates back to the theory of doing gender because it describes how people either follow or break the gender rules that are set up by society. One important thing to note is that there are different outcomes people have when breaking these gender rules. Depending on what they are breaking, it can either be seen as a big deal or nothing at all.
The second theory I would like to analyze is gender policing. this goes hand-in-hand with doing gender. Listening to my grandmother speak, I became aware of how prominent gender policing was when she was growing up. She gave the example of her brother wanted to stay inside and bake with their mother instead of helping their father work on something outside. She said how he was scolded by their parents for wanting to do something was was to be done by my grandmother and her sister. She told me how he would cry when he was younger because he really wanted to bake with his mother, but was never allowed to, only on special occasions. My grandmother reflected on how she used to poke fun at her brother for wanting to do something girly but now understand that she was in the wrong for judging him for something that he found interest in. Gender policing has a huge effect on people, whether you can see it or not. People can be emotionally scared because of gender policing. In simple terms, gender policing is trying to stop someone from doing something that doesn’t relate back to that person being a male or female. This gender binary has separated people from the moment people started making gender norms. Because of gender policing, people are stopped from being their true selves. I believe this has a huge effect on people because they are forced to change certain traits or qualities they possess. They are sometimes even told they cannot do the things that truly make them happy just because it doesn’t fit their gender.
The third theory that is connect to the interview with my grandmother is providing accounts. This is when you try to make breaking a gender rule seem like it is normal / okay to do. My grandmother discussed how she loved working on the family car with her father but was always judged by her mother and her siblings because it was something a boy was supposed to be doing. She went int detail on how bad she felt for lying to people because she would say that she was doing it to spend time with her father, but she was actually really interested in working on the car. This was very emotional for my grandmother to talk about because thinking back on her late father, these were some of her favorite memories she had with him, and it was all because she wanted to work on the car, not actually spend time with him. She’s thankful she got the opportunities to do so though. My grandmother told me that she would always talk to her friends about working on the family car with her father hoping they would find it interesting, unfortunately is was the opposite. She was laughed at and told that was “too dirty for someone so pretty to be doing”. My grandmother told be that her friends were one of the main reasons she would provide the account of just wanting to spend time with her father instead of being honest and saying that she was interested in working on the family car. In many cases, people provide accounts so they are not policed out of doing something they enjoy.
The final theory I will be speaking about when it comes to the interview with my grandmother is ageism. While interviewing my grandmother, I found out that she was a victim of this while she was in the workforce. While working at Briggs Utensils & Co. she was demoted from her position as a secretary and placed back on the line at the factory because they hired a secretary who was much younger than she was. My grandmother told be she brought the up with her boss and was told that she should be grateful that she can even have a job there. I think this shows how people can be discriminated against in more than one way. Not only was she demoted because she was “too old” but she was talked to like she was less of a person because she she was a woman. Ageism is still a problem to this day. People are treated differently because of their age. Whether it be not being given the same opportunities or disrespect because of their age, people are strongly affected by this. A lot of the time, ageism can go hand-in-hand with other forms of prejudice. By thinking about what happened to my grandmother, I can relate this to a lot of women today. A lot of times, women are seen as objects by men, and also by some women. People think it’s okay to just replace a person because they are aging and may not look the same they did when they were first hired. Luckily today there are jobs in place that stop people from being fired / demoted for unjust cause like ageism.
In conclusion, I think this project has really helped me relate the theories and concepts we’ve discussed in class by relating them to someone’s life with whom I am very close to. This project has been a lot more emotional for me than I thought it would be. Learning so many things about my grandmother has brought the two of us even closer. Something I learned that I think is very important for people to remember is that ageism is that all of the negative things (i.e. gender policing, ageism, stereotyping) can be prevented. If we allow people to be their true selves, all of these negative things can easily be done with. Interviewing my grandmother was such an emotion experience for me. Listening to her talk about things that have happened in her life, the struggles she’s faced, and reflecting on the amazing moments that I have been lucky enough to be a part of have really opened my eyes to how amazing of a woman my grandmother is.
I really enjoyed this project. Most of it didn’t even feel like school work to me. It gave me the opportunity to learn more about someone I love that I might not have gotten the chance to o if it weren’t for this project. I am extremely grateful for this project because of that. I found the project very helpful when it came to developing a deeper understanding of the course concepts / theories. Relating it back to someone’s life that you know really helps you put information to real life situations. I think that my responses have stayed the same even after my interview with my grandmother when it comes to gender-related issues. She has a very open mind when it comes to things of that nature so I have always been able to talk with her about current issues going on in regards to gender.