Exploratory Short Story

CONTEMPORARY SHORT STORY

Damn it! Samantha is starting to cry, but I don’t want to say that I’m sorry even though I probably should. I am sorry. Sort of sorry. Like so many things, I really don’t care. Sometimes, I think about going to see someone, sorting all of this shit out. There will always be a need for those people. People you pay hundreds of dollars to, just to tell you that you have abandonment issues and describe how you can’t really feel anything. Thanks, I know. Just the thought of going to one of those big looking offices and sitting in a waiting room with a bunch of other people with a bunch of other problems, pretending not to look at each other. And then it’s my turn to sit in front of a complete stranger and bitch and moan

Like I’ve done so many times before I’m going to leave and this time I won’t come back. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Who would talk to me once people found out? Who would hate me? Two weeks pass and everything is set in motion. I won’t take much to Perth. I’ve never felt very attached to possessions. Sam can have everything. Too much of our things remind me of her. I’ll make our last evening nice. I’ll make her favourite meal and we’ll talk about stuff like we did before.

She leans over the island counter while I’m cooking. She looks at me as if she knows something is off. I offer to pour some wine for us both. She takes her first sip as I’m cutting the meat. Sam walks around the counter, takes the knife from my hand and places it on the bench. I’m looking down. She cups my chin with her hand and pushes my head up until our eyes are level. I don’t know what to do.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Samantha says in a whisper.

“I have to tell you something, but I can’t,” I say, tears welling in my eyes.

“Whatever it is, I can handle it, I’m a grown woman,” she says and whips her back. I give a crooked smile.

“I’m a bad person. You make me a better person.”

“You’re not a bad person.”

“I