Deborah Tolman's Dilemmas Of Desire

Deborah Tolman author of “Dilemmas of Desire” dwells on uncovering a wealth of feelings about sexuality from teenage girls who are faced with a lot of struggles in developing sexual identity and detached from their sexuality. One of her main argument is centered on the juxtaposition of media representations of girls as highly sexualized objects. For instance, “the urban girl is viewed as the overly sexual young jezebel. Latinas are often eroticized as exotic, sexually alluring and available.” (Tolman, pg.170). I agree with this statement due to simple fact that we are living in a highly sexualized cultural milieu and evidence of sexualization is seen through mainstream culture. Images such as Sarah Bartman depict African American/ urban portrayal of sexual imagery formed socio-historical

experiences.

In addition, historically Latina women have been viewed as hot blooded and black women as animistic. As a result, young women reached barriers to their own desire, choices and experiences that prevented them from being able to express their sexuality or acknowledge them. The voices she used to show the juxtaposition was adolescent women. These voices were important as they offered different perspectives and showed the discourses between the urban and suburban girl. It was very interesting to me see the intersectionality and discourses that despite the over sexualization of girls and girls being portrayed as comfortable with their sexuality. Nearly all the girls who were interviewed articulated that they were worried about being branded as sluts and many grappled with the pressure of being sexual objects. Furthermore, I believe social location plays an important role in the development of sexual identity. For instance, based on the study urban girls felt vulnerable with their sexuality due to negative messages about their sexuality. However, urban girls faced contradictory messages about their sexuality. (Tolman,

pg. 177)
The questions that were imprinted in me are is there room for women to want desire when they are constantly bombarded by messages about being sexual objects? Why is their unjust double standard between girls and boys? For instance boys are labeled studs and proud parents. However, on the other hand, girls acquire reputations as ‘sluts”. The societal views as girls being viewed as sweet and innocent have denied the girls their opportunity to freely express and claim their sexual heritage. What are some of the ways that society messages of danger have implored our sexual developments? For example, the media portrays that sex is linked with pregnancy. Therefore, for a girl who wants to explore her sexual identity, this message might hinder in her sexual development if she becomes detached from her sexuality due to the societal messages. Is it possible to balance out the fear and objectification that adolescents have come to learn about sexuality through implicit messages? Yes I do agree, educators need to utilize the proper tools and resources in education children and adolescents about sexuality. They need to send out positive messages about gender and sexuality and promote healthy discussion and safe space to express and learn about sexuality without the use of graphic images of STD or over sexualized music videos. I think it is important to create safe space where girls can be in touch with their own desires and develop a sexual identity instead of being molded and put in a category.