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The article “Sex, Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to EachOther?” by Deborah Tannen talks about the possible reasons as to why it is difficult for men and women to communicate with each other in their everyday lives. She begins by explaining about a gathering that she addressed in which woman attended with their husbands. During the gathering she experiences a man who was chattering the whole time yet stated that his wife is actually the talker in the relationship when it comes to nonpublic communication. Tannen than begins to analyze as to why, in the modern world, men prefer their wives to be the talker in their relationship, and how could miscommunication, lead to divorce. Tannen addresses multiple causes about why men and woman react so differently when it comes to talking to each other, such as childhood conditioning, different attention processing, and misinterpretation when speaking. …show more content…
When we are in our childhood stage, we tend to associate with same gender groups, and the different interactive norms, is a possible contribution to miscommunication with men and woman.
Tannen states that “in girls, intimacy is the fabric of relationships, and talk is the thread from which it is woven”. This represents the importance of talk and how it maintains friendships between girls. Boys on the other hand prefer to do, than to talk. They simply don’t see talking as a necessity to keep their bonds strong, instead hanging out and doing stuff together like playing at an arcade or doing sports, is the true fabric of a relationship. Growing up with these different beliefs and interactions, makes it difficult for boys and girls to communicate, because as Tannen mentioned “men don't know what kind of talk women want, and they don’t miss it when it isn’t there”. However talk is not the only thing that is communicated differently in all girl groups versus all boy
groups. When children find themselves interacting with only their own gender groups, attention processing can become different. In males, simply laying down and closing your eyes is enough to show that the talker has your undivided attention, however in woman that could be seen as being ignored. Woman expect responses, they need to know that the listener is in fact paying attention, and that is done through facial or head gestures such as nodding. This creates misinterpretation of communication between a male and female, like when one responds in a different manner that for example, is okay from the male perspective such as looking away, but not desired from the females because she wants the male to look at her since she believes that when he looks away, he isn’t paying attention, which is not the case. Deborah Tannen believes that because of the way we grew up, is the reason as to why it is so difficult for men and woman to communicate with each other. This failure to communicate is believed to be one of the main reasons for divorce, and as Tannen mentioned, won’t change until we start to a
Deborah Tannen’s essay, “There Is No Unmarked Woman”, explores the idea of “marked” and “unmarked” words, styles, titles, and how females have no ability to choose an unmarked position. She also posits that “The unmarked forms of most English words also convey ‘male’” (88). Tannen is incorrect in her premise because females are able to choose unmarked hair and clothing styles, many unmarked forms of words no longer convey “male,” and men are marked just as often as women.
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
In the article “His Politeness Is Her Powerlessness” by Deborah Tannen, she informs gender norms about talking in a direct or indirect way. Tannen claims that different cultures view indirectness different from western culture. She also informs her audience that being indirect does not mean you are powerless. In paragraph 8, Tannen explains that only modern Western societies place a priority on direct communication. She goes on to say that “Account of mutual indirectness in a lunch invitation may strike Americans as excessive. But far more cultures in the world use elaborate systems of indirectness than value directness. (8)” This is true for the Japanese culture. They will talk indirectly rather talk directly to you. For example, it is considered
According to Tannen, differences in childhood can impact individual’s communication with each other in relationships. At a young age, children tend to play with other children who are the same gender as them. Both groups of genders have different ways of building a friendship. Tannen says that “Little girls create and maintain friendships by exchanging secrets” (276). It is important for girls to share secrets to get closer to one another and to have a mutual understanding unlike boys whose bonds are “based
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
In a marriage women are the ones that look for a good male counterpart to communicate with, and if the husband is not into communication it can lead to divorce. This was proven in research stated in the article by Deborah Tannen “Most women want their husbands to be first and foremost conversational partners” (101). For example in Catherine Kohler’s research it is stated that “Few of the men gave lack as communication as the reason for their divorces” (102). This proves that men don’t find the need to be a good communicator. Women always get mad at the men for not being that good of conversationalist but, are the men really to blame. If men find communication as important as women they would communicate better. Many men believe that women lowered their expectations for the men they wouldn’t be as disappointed. Women need to accept the fact that men aren’t very good communicators. In the article lack of com...
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
According to Deborah Tannen, the main differences in conversation occur without thinking. This often leaves men and woman extremely confused. During our early childhood, we are taught behavior and attitudes that are considered socially appropriate for a given sex during gender socialization. In return separating males and female into two totally different worlds. During gender socialization, males are taught to be masculine and dominating, while a woman is taught to be feminine and attractive.
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
These roles are guided by countless factors. Society’s norms, an individual’s culture and socioeconomic background all determine a person’s role in society. It is these factors that give our society a distinct selection of social identities that are practiced when we interact with one another. From my observation girls were very interactive and tend to be particularly more talkative. Females tend to trust and depend more on each other for support and displayed a wide variety of non-verbal communication, such as ‘hand gestures’ and ‘head
It is always said that boys and girls are complete opposites as they grow. Girls are seen to be more timid and laid back in physical natures
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.
Being married for five years, l has seen that effective communication is a requirement for effective problem in an intimate relationship. How we communicate is the problem more often than what we communicate. I...
This problem occurs in schools everywhere and is starting to become more evident in today's society. The problem is that boys and girls learning potential are not being reached when put into the same teaching atmosphere. Girls seem to be out smarting boys in many classes. While boys excel in math and sciences and girls seem to be better in English. The styles in which boys and girls feel comfortable with are extremely different. The learning styles of girls usually contain socializing and context. For instance, most girls like to talk in small groups about the current discussion. They also like hands on activities or real life situations to compare things to. Boys are confrontational and formal. They need to be challenged by their teachers to help motivate them to become better students and be prepared. In contrast girls do not like to be confronted by teachers who are asking for an immediate answers. In most cases, girls seem to be more reserved and modest than boys about their intelligence ("What are someÉ) are. Their differences may not seem evident but make a difference to reaching their highest learning potential.