Coming out of My Heterophobia Closet

Coming out of “My Heterophobia” Closet

Growing up in a heterosexual world as a Lesbian who remained in many closets, has shape my identity and the way I will transact with people for the rest of my life. Upon coming out of closet, or being pushed out (by suspension from parents and friends) at the age of eighteen or nineteen I quickly assumed the bi-sexual title because it meant at least there was hope for me in the future. This proved to be worse for my self-esteem, and may have caused the most damage because even though I was free to come out, I was still afraid (somewhat) of taking the big leap and being totally ostracized by my friends and people I know. So I felt one million times worst trying to be bi-sexual than I ever did being heterosexual, I knew I was betraying myself before, but now it felt like the ultimate betrayal. During the next year or so I finally got the courage to come out as a full blown Lesbian, and life has never been better.

I wanted to shave my head and start over fresh as a new person who has this fresh new identity because I wanted nothing to do with the heterosexual and bi-sexual life I had lived in the past; I was on a mission to prove I could be as gay as anyone else. That meant forsaking all straight clubs and hanging out with the straight friends that I had, cutting my hair and actively searching out other lesbians. I went to gay clubs and events and made new friends with total lesbians; I was ashamed of my straight background and even claimed to have been out of the closet for many years when in fact I had not been, I didn’t want to be a new be. I wanted to show my friends that if they couldn’t deal with me as a true lesbian, none changing, then I didn’t want them around me. I took this class because I wanted to know more about our history and try to put a face to gayness for others, an African American face, an educated face, a female face, but most of all a human face.

When I found out that ninety five percent of the class is straight and homophobic for the most part, I was thrilled yet sadden (because I now had the opportunity to look them in the eye and have them call me all the names I would have been called had I possessed the courage to come out sooner) but mostly thrilled because it felt great being around more gay people, e...

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...d the trip to Orlando with them, that in order for them to accept me, I would first need to accept them and give them a face for an African American Jewish Lesbian, who is very well educated and from a upper middle class family, who attended the best private schools and has not become a statistic in any way.

I’m happy I took this class, and actually am planning to get a certificate in Gay/Lesbian studies as soon as it is offered by the Women Studies Department. I never thought that people like Chris, Holly, Leah, Horacio and a couple like Suarmis and her boyfriend could change in six weeks what it took me years to build. I am not exempt from ignorance and acts of discrimination, the differences are I am willing to recognize them and make adjustments to my character, so that when I decide to raise children I do so unbiased. I will even try not to take the easy route by having only gay friends I will actually start communicating with the rest of the world, now that I don’t feel they are out to get me. Thank you for a class well taught and I wish you well in retirement. I wish I had the honor of studying under you in another class for another semester.