Childhood Observation

I am hoping that you can help me. My daughter Aberdeen is in your class. Her father and I are divorced. She goes to her dads on Thursdays till 8pm and on 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends of every month. I was raised with the mind set that school was not important. I believed that I couldn’t do well but it didn’t matter. The standards my parents set for my brother was high (A’s) and their standard for me was to just pass (D’s and C’s when D’s were eliminated). I was told I would never be as good as him and that was ok. My parents did not care if I did not do my homework unless a teacher contacted them about it. Then it was screaming and yelling to do the work. I bet you are wondering why I am even mentioning this because its suppose to be about Aberdeen.

Well, you see, I believed this to still be true until 3 years ago.

I set Aberdeens standards for school so low because I only cared if she passed. I thought at that time it was the right thing. I would make her do her homework but I never offered any support except to yell at her or lecture her. If she needed help or didn’t understand something, I was not very understanding about it. I told her she was the one in class all day, she should know.

In 2012, her father and I got a divorce. I have been a stay at home mom my entire life. I met her father right after I turned 19 (jan 2000) and we were together ever since then. I suddenly found myself unskilled and suited for adult life alone. I depended on someone my entire life to provide and support me. I did not think I could do it alone. For the first few years I didn’t do it alone. I lived with my parents. It was then that I learned just how important education is. I felt like I couldn’t do college because I did horrible in high school. My GPA was a 2.4. I slowly started changing the way I saw things. Took a hard look at my parenting skills. I realized that I had done so many things wrong. That school is very important no matter what you want to do in life. I began to implement changes at

home, moved out of my parents house, and worked at becoming a better mother. I spent Aberdeens 7th grade year telling her school was important and she needed to try harder. Her grades improved but there were so many habits that were not changing. She had learned to lie about homework because it was better than her mother screaming at her to do the homework and do it right with zero guidance. I know why she got into the habit, that did not solve how to break the habit. I ended up having a sheet that her teachers signed daily telling me what homework she had. The system worked but I had to be on top of it. On Thursdays (back then it was overnight, not back at 8pm. I went to court to get that changed) and 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends she wasn’t doing her homework. We would spend the first part of the week playing catch on what she didn’t do at her dads. Her dad isn’t concerned about her schooling (only makes sense cause we did marry each other! We thought the same things!) Her 8th grade year was pretty much the same as 7th grade. It was me constantly telling her to do her work, teachers signing papers for the first half of the year. Second half of the year was a struggle but she mostly did her work. The thing was I had to be on top of it. It was half way through 8th grade I realized I was preaching to her about the importance of school and here I was not going to college because I was afraid. I signed up for college. I wanted to not only tell her how important it is, I wanted to show her.
Aberdeen to this day struggles with not doing her homework at her dad’s house. It’s a really bad, annoying habit. I can’t control what goes on there. Aberdeen sees the negative there. Her dads girlfriend has a son who lives there and he is failing school. He is suppose to graduate this year but he wont be. I can’t change that, I can’t stop her from seeing that or being around it. This is where you come in. I am sending this to ALL of Aberdeens teachers. I need your help. I am going to college to become a special education teacher. I am doing it because I want to make a difference. I know that is why you all became teachers. I am telling you that Aberdeen is a student where you can be the teacher who changed her life. She wants to do better. She is not happy with how she is. She just cant seem to make the change. I know if you were to encourage her, take a few minutes a day to talk to her, make her feel special and smart (she is very smart, she just doesn’t believe it) and let her know that she does matter; she would do all of her homework. Me telling her these things isn’t enough. I know you all work so very hard every single day. I know you can’t connect with every student, it is an overwhelming task. I would be forever grateful if you could just reach out to Aberdeen. In my education class, we are learning about schools and bad parenting cycles that happen. Kids do better when they have a home that encourages education and when they make a connection with their teachers. I have made the changes here at home, I have taken positive parenting classes and I am going to college. It really does take a village to raise a child. I need a few more people in my village.
This year Aberdeen is in Pre-AP classes, she has never been in any advance classes. She has come a long way from barely passing school and failing STARR tests.
Thank you in advance! If there is anything that I can do for you, please let me know.