Behind A Vulnerable Girl

Behind the mask is a vulnerable girl who is broken and need of a savior. A girl who needs love and validation. Someone who hides the struggles she is facing inside and rather help other people through their problems instead of facing her own. Sometimes stuffing our fears, pain, shame, doubt, worries, and struggles all together can lead to a horrible downfall. Just imagine a dam that is constantly being filled with water, for awhile it holds and life goes on as normal and you can ignore pressure against the barrier but after awhile the pressure gets too strong and cracks form. Then soon those cracks burst and everything overtakes you like a flood. God wants us to give our burdens to him and find relief from carrying our burdens alone.

I would run up to random strangers and talk with them especially if they had a dog with them I would be found next to them. Whenever my older siblings had a soccer game I would always meet a new friend and would take off into a fairytale land. Ignoring the things done to me and the pain I hid inside I rather to this day focus on other instead of myself. It’s easier to put a mask on that I am strong and not breaking inside. One year at camp the weight of carrying my burdens alone was too much. I remember listening to the sermon and he at one point asked the questions, What chances are you allowing to drag you down, Why do you wear a mask of false perfection when inside you’re crying HELP? One of the biggest questions was, Are you ashamed if your past? Do put on a smile daily and pretend that you’re not struggle and think no one will know? Sitting alone in the back of the room while tears streamed down my face and I felt the burden of the struggles i’ve hidden from the world. You see I thought that no one would know if I just smiled and pretended like I was fine but I had been lying to myself because God knows. That night one of my greatest mentors Audrey DeFord sat next to me and spoke life into me. One thing she told me that i constantly have to remind myself to this day is, “The things done to you, said to you cannot define you only God can. You have a savior, a perfect Father who wants to lift that burden and guilt off of your shoulders and give you joy. You’re never alone and will never be alone.” That night at youth camp I cried out to Christ and just on hands and knees begged for him to remove these chains and the burden. When I was honest to myself, other people, and mainly before the all knowing God that I was broken and needed Him, he gave me peace and joy like I hadn’t had since I was that little girl making friends wherever I went. You see hiding our struggles have