Wounded I Am More Awake Chapter Summary

JULIA LIEBLICH and ESAD BOSKAILO, Wounded I Am More Awake: Finding Meaning After Terror. Nashville, Tennessee: Vanderbilt University Press, 2012, pp. 158, ISBN 978-0-8265-1826-2 (pbk).

This engaging book takes the reader to the concentration camps set in the Bosnian war era which was the most horrific ‘genocide’ since the Holocaust. It provides the reader an insight into what it is to survive endless nights full of violence, both mental and physical and then to overcome those fear. This book is the account of Esad Boskailo, a Bosnian doctor who survived six concentration camps and went onto become a qualified psychiatrist in USA, written by Julia Lieblich. The book, a collaborative project of Esad Boskailo and human rights journalist Julia

Lieblich takes the readers through Boskailo’s early days under Josip Broz Tito when he with his dozen of friends used to crowd at the café bar for relaxation to the days of the war when the people he used to call friends turned upon him. She captures his terrifying experience in the camps, where the men he once joined for coffee murder his best friend. But the story doesn’t end here. Taking inspiration from the late psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, Boskailo uses his own experience from the camps to help the survivors of trauma find meaning in life. The book raises several psychological issues such as talking about trauma or being a witness to it and risks involved with it. The author has used sensitive cases of human experience of trauma with precise literature on psychology. The main strength of the book is that it appeals to a very large section of the society as trauma can happen with anybody irrespective of their gender, sex or religion and the book’s ability to engage with the reader. Some of the incidents mentioned in this book could be emotionally challenging but it only adds to the value of the book and fulfils its cause i.e. to engage the reader and take them where they would rather not go.
The book is separated into two main sections. The first section is the compelling and enraging and focuses on Boskailo’s life before and during the war. It gives the reader an insight into as to what small things made up his life and what activities did he use to do that brought him enjoyment. For instance, “Every night, dozens of his friends came down from the hill and crowded into the café bar…..It was more about being completely relaxed while they talked about work, philosophy, and cars.” (pg. 9). Also, this section has a slight focus on his family, “I was a doctor and she was working in a microbiology lab in Mostar…She was just beautiful for me…” (pg. 11). It also captures the notion of survival through terror, as it goes after Boskailo’s personal experience inside the concentration camps run by the Croatians. This section describes how the life inside the concentration camp was an often horrifying experience, both physically and mentally, “…Boskailo saw the dried blood and welts on Benca’s face.” (pg. 32). Instances of prisoners made to lay down on simmering asphalt for hours, used as human labour and human shield on front line are made in this section. The sadistic nature of guards has also been portrayed as they often humiliated the prisoners. For instance, we are provided with example of prisoners defecating in tins and didn’t wash their hands and were made to eat on the same plate used by other prisoners having infectious disease.
The themes of this section are uncertainty, fear and survival as the motivating factor, losing control or disempowerment. The author has provided the reader with the example of the man in his forties who stopped talking and sleeping and every morning when he woke up he had bite marks on his body. He was trying to kill himself through the night, such was the emotional terror that he was experiencing. There is also the theme of hope and sociality becoming the centre of survival. The author provides the examples such as men sharing cigarettes, singing Sevdah (songs about lost love), men joining in for prayer (pg. 34) and of prisoners taking comfort in sleeping near each other with their arms and legs touching in the cramped space (pg. 36). This sections makes us aware of the human rights condition in the camps and the relation between prisoners and guard and even with themselves.
The second section of the book deals with Boskailo’s life journey after the aftermath of the violence he had endured.

The focus of the book is on Boskailo’s own quest of finding meaning after the trauma, which he found in working as a psychiatrist assisting other survivors. It’s basically about Boskailo’s approach to therapy, he calls it ‘integration’ (pg. 127). Boskailo says that success in therapy is not about decrease in symptoms but brining the survivor’s state of mind closest to the one before trauma. There are number of case studies of Boskailo’s patient that the author provides the reader with. These are very powerful stories and the reader is able to grasp the implications of terror. The reader also learn about the different ways in which terror affects a person and the person tries to live a different life in the aftermath of the horror. This sections also implies that medicine in the area of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has failed and is pretty limited. Pills alone are not able to help the PTSD patients. However in all of the cases, one thing central to the idea of ‘healing’ is finding meaning after terror. The survivor has to find a reason to live a new life, they have to finding meaning in things they have around them, for instance, their family, friends, work, and being active in society. For that, Boskailo tells us that the survivor must first acknowledge, what they have lost, and also try to recall the life before the trauma. In this section, Boskailo also focuses on the importance of the relationship between a survivor and therapist, and that it must be solely based on trust and giving them a sense of

control.
The later part of the book deals with Boskailo and Julia’s visit to The Hague to attend the trial of Dr. Radovan Karadzic, the Bosnian Serb leader charged with genocide. During the trial Boskailo felt that there is no justice for the victims. This could be inferred from these statements of Boskailo, “It’s masturbation in the justice system” (pg. 131), “Justice is ideal, The Hague is far from ideal” (pg. 132). This section also deals with the subject of testifying at war crimes trial acting as a therapeutic value for the witnesses, though not in all cases (pg. 133-134). At the end, Julia, Boskailo and his family visited the town he was born in where Julia interviews Boskailo’s acquaintances from the camps and details how they have found meaning from social activism. For instance, his fellow prisoner Alija now runs a radio station in Mostar (pg. 147), Hivzo, the professor, finds great pleasure in the field behind his house (pg. 150). The main notion/theme behind this is that the war and all the violence caused to them couldn’t fulfil its purpose of instilling fear in them. No matter what, people will always find meaning in their life and defeat evil. Boskailo says, “I feel like I am a winner on these nights” (pg. 155)