Here is an undeniable understatement: leaving an abusive relationship is not easy. First, you have to actually be abused. That alone takes a toll on your mind and body— another understatement. Then, you have to decide whether or not you should tolerate or report it. More often than not, toleration is the first choice. It’s easier to believe that you can work it out with your abuser. In my case, the abuser was my husband. Time goes by, and nothing changes. Then, one day, you snap. You can’t take the feeling of being vulnerable; of being so weak that you stay and accept any mistreatment you receive. No. Now it is your turn to take control of your life. It won't be easy at first, but the weight lifted off your shoulders is indescribable. It’s been years since my ex-husband and the pain he caused me crossed my path. There’s nothing like it— the feeling of freedom. When I was younger, I heard the saying, “you never really escape your past”. But, as the years go on, there is no part of me that believes it; I have escaped my past. Thoughts of him occasionally appear in my head when something triggers the idea of him, but they vanish just as quickly as they appear. The only …show more content…
There is so much to process as I view the structure of the wedding that was unknown to me until now. My focus reverts back to the altar. Beside me are my carefully chosen bridesmaids. Having very little work to do planning this wedding, I took prolonged time deciding who will stand with me while I tie the knot. A thought then suddenly occurred to me: who’s the best man? I didn’t think to look at who my fiancé might've recruited for the ceremony. Craning my neck, my stomach drops at the sight of him. Flashes of memories shuffled through my thoughts. Multiple slaps, whips, and punches seemed to be taking a hit at me, just as they did a few years ago. A smile, one that haunted me on numerous sleepless nights due to the pain, crept up on his
There are many women who are currently in an abusive relationship, or have been in an abusive relationship. The most common reason these women do not leave their abuser is because they are scared, financial, or family reasons. Amy McGee would be alive today to tell her own story if her situation was handled differently.
You know, while I was watching my son and future daughter-in-law suffer through the painful process of planning their wedding, I asked myself, “What would it be like if men were responsible for organizing weddings?”
The dynamics surrounding the decision to leave or stay, and possible consequences are very complex. There are various reasons victims may either opt to stay in an abusive relationship. Feelings of fear, shame, hopelessness, and the inability to provide for themselves are common factors. However, one of the primary reasons is some people do not realize they are victims. Quite often abusers can be very charismatic using apologies, affection, and promises to end the negative behavior to control their victims. Unfortunately, this tactic can create an emotional sense of conflict as the victim begins to reflect on the good times, while battling with the reality of the present. This type of behavior often predicates or serves as the prelude to the cycle of abuse theory, a component of the Battered Woman Syndrome; thus being the primary reason victims find it difficult to leave. In an article entitled “When Love Hurts” by Jill Cory and Karen McAndless –Davis, various facets and resulting impact of domestic violence are explored and correlated to BWS. In making the correlation between the cycle of abuse of and BWS, the cycle of abuse is the eighth component of the Battered Woman Syndrome (Fulero & Wrightsman, 2009) defined as a distinct pattern having three
The victims are blinded from the danger they are in because it is all they know in a relationship or feel it is their fault. Another reason victims do not leave their abusive spouse is fear (Rafenstein 6). The Article “How to Plan Escaping From An Abuser” says:
Women will continue to suffer from domestic violence unless there is some sort of intervention to help them. When dealing with this population, it is essential to create a safe environment where the woman can talk freely about the abuse without any retaliation from the abuser. When someone comes into a therapeutic session, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and care. This in turn will create a sense of hope that a different type of life can be possible. Also, knowing that there is a support system can help the woman begin the process of change. Despite this, the process of leaving the abusive partner is slow (Warshaw, n.d.)
When the groom asked me to be his best man, I consulted the Internet for help. I discovered that the job is essentially comprised of four main tasks:
Now I was a bit unsure about the duties of a best man, although I told Brian very early on that there was no way I was going to get off with a bridesmaid – I say that with no offence intended to Claire and Nicola who I’m sure you’ll all agree look lovely, and have done a great job today. So to find out what was expected of me, I turned to the internet and managed to find some really interesting stuff… but then remembered what I had gone onto it for in the first place, and set about plagiarising other people’s speeches from all the wedding sites I could find. So I accept no responsibility if this end result is rubbish. I know many of you will have been to a few weddings in your time, so can I suggest that you entertain yourselves quietly by playing wedding bingo – every time you hear a witty comment in my speech that you have already heard at another wedding, give yourself a point and the first one to five wins a piece of wedding cake.
Every choice that an abused woman considers to do with regards in seeking help or ending the relationship involves a variety of risks. Time and time again, the common question arises, “why doesn’t she just leave?” Most often abused women, at great and potentially fatal risk, do leave their abusive relationships. However, there is a multitude of barriers, including increasing abuse and the potential for re-victimization by the system that does not respond accordingly, and most often force many women to return to their abusers. A woman may become vulnerable as she goes through the stages of leaving her abuser. There are many reasons why a woman becomes vulnerable; guilt, denial, and fear may be among a few reasons, though no matter what the reason may be, abused women must realize the risks they face to injury and death.
Develop a support system to help enforce the restraining order. Ask your neighbors to help you keep an eye out for the abuser. Stay with friends until your life stabilizes if you can. Most important, seek therapy. A therapist can be your church pastor, a social worker, or a marriage and family counselor. Find a domestic violence support group in your area. It is empowering to know you are not alone, and that others have overcome domestic violence.
The abuser may use many different types of abuse to assert this power, and the overall in which the abuse occurs may follow a pattern. Violent events may occur in a variety of patterns the victim may experience ongoing, nonstop abuse, or the abuse may stop and start. The abuse often seen in a violent relationship begins with a tension, followed by the actual abusive act, and then calm. On the other hand, the victim may also attempt to bring on the violence to get it over with. The abuser may deny the violence or blame the other person for his or her actions. The abuser may promise that the abuse will never happen again. That’s how typically the abuser gets over with the situation. According with the Department of Justice “approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women. Women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave the abuser. In fact, they are at a 75% higher risk than those who stay. 50% of the homeless women and children in the United States are fleeing abuse.” (
Domestic and mental abuse can happen to anybody sometimes it can be physical sometimes it can be psychological. It is very hard to realize that it is happening the first step is realize that it is happening and then take steps to get away from it then reach out for help be there friends or a help line or relative. Sometimes it is very hard to realize that you are in a abusive relationship we tend to ask yourself and ask others if its normal sometimes it is very hard to realize that you are in a abusive relationship thats why reaching out will help because they will help you realized that it is not normal and they are not playing fair. Sometimes you can see that physical abuse such as bruises on the on the body but the emotional abuse is just
As Steiner (2012) points out during her lecture on domestic violence on “why doesn’t she leave?” In her own story and one of the first steps a perpetrator takes is they begin by isolating their victim. Morris, Shoffner, and Newsome (2009) report, when the person is isolated from friends and family members they become dependent upon the person abusing them, therefore, are less likely to leave the relationship. It becomes even more difficult if the person comes from a diverse background, thus is financially dependent upon the perpetrator and there may be children involved, and immigration status may be a factor.
Abuse has become so common that some people do not realize they are being abused. It is important that this topic is studied because there are many gaps of knowledge to what all an abusive relationship can entail. The goal is to help someone somewhere get out of an abusive relationship before its too late. Whether its emotional or physical abuse, neither is healthy for a person to maintain in. So seeking relationship advice from outside sources, such as popular press articles may be a usual for tool for people who are looking for insight as long as they know to check up on the research involved in the article. This paper will compare and contrast the findings from the article I have chosen to the scholarly research that has been conducted on abusive relationships.
Finally after what seemed like years, I walked out to greet my new father-in-law and my new wife. I shook his hands as he gave away his youngest daughter to start our own family, and then I reached out for the arm of my bride. Together we walked the rest of the way down the aisle and stood in front of the pastor’s
To be the person that I am now, I had to reflect and accept accountability of my past actions. My past is one that many would love to erase from their memory, a past, which remained dormant, until I found myself. The steps involved in regaining myself encompassed letting go of my anger and self pity. I had to look within myself and see my self’s worth, which lead to my belief that I ran away to college to forget my past. During the years leading to entrance to college, I became caught up with friends, cared way too much about my appearance, and became “that girl” who needed others to be happy. I lost sight of my goal, to become a lawyer. My goals were buried by my present materialization infatuation, thus my dreams, and my values, failed just to create a façade of which I came to despise. Through my journey and reflection, I came to appreciate family values and redemption. Like others, my trials and tribulations came full circle.