Trench Monologue

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I woke up screaming. I didn’t sleep last night, and decided to take a nap, hoping the nightmares wouldn’t come haunt me again—but they did, and they always do. There was a faint orange glow coming from the window. The sun is setting already? Even though I slept through my day, I am still exhausted. I don’t want to get up, because I know getting up means resuming the day. And resuming the day means that I have to carry on as if nothing is wrong, when everything is wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be a hero after the war. I was supposed to be okay after the war. I didn’t think the trench would follow me, reminding me of all the people I killed and all the friends I let die. People tell me it’s not my fault they …show more content…

I want to live a calm life. Endless nights with my comrades, early mornings with my wife and children. A purpose—wouldn’t that be wonderful? But I’m trapped in a prison that I created for myself. A prison that is ruthless and unyielding. It feeds me lies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My roommate is my sorrows. Hope has been released, never to be seen again—and I hate it. But when you are told to love your life, all I see are prison bars. “Why do I bother?” I slam my pencil down and shove my notebook away. Once I stand the world sways beneath me. I felt as if I was sinking through the floor. Nothing was what it was. No one was who they were. My world turned into the labyrinth; everything was wrong. Is it strange to say that I missed the war? In the trench I had control of my thoughts, I had a purpose. I just want to go home. But where is home, exactly? My home doesn’t feel like home. I was sick of these plastered walls staring me down. The room is awfully small. I barely have a good enough job to pay my rent. I don’t know why I still have my job, I rarely come to work anymore. The streets are no better. The world has turned beige since the war. Everything I do seems meaningless and boring. I never speak unless I have to, because I feel like nobody is listening or wants to listen in

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