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I did not think there was anything wrong with me, until my hair began to fall out. Approximately eight years ago I became anorexic. As a fourth grader, I compared myself to all my friends and always wondered why I did not look like them. I believed being skinny was the epitome of perfection, and the little voice in my head would antagonize me constantly to lose weight.
Of course at the time I did not know of the healthy methods to lose weight, so I turned to the alternative of completely starving myself. It started out as a gradual process, but soon enough it progressed and became extreme and addicting. I loved to push the limits and see how long I could go without putting a single piece of food in my mouth. It was always thrilling to be able to say I could count each of my ribs or weigh myself and see I was less than 80 pounds. Though in my head, whenever I looked in the mirror I was never satisfied. Like Allison Bechdel, author of “The Ordinary Devoted Mother,” told her
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therapist how she was fascinated by crippled children and would always pretend to be one.
I could relate myself to her, I was fascinated in being something that was not me. I ultimately wanted to be someone else. Comparing myself to others was taking over me and I would play this “game” like there were no limits. The harm I was actually putting my body in was never good enough. From doctors, to psychologists to nutritionists, no one could get through my head that my idea of “beauty” was not only unhealthy but also deadly. Not once did I ever stop to ask myself when’s enough going to be enough?
Dealing with Anorexia was a constant battle in my head, relationships and my passion for dance. My sub-conscious feared food and every thought of it. In the film “Waking Life” directed by Richard Linklater, there is a scene where a woman says, “Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration.” This quote stuck with me, because the situation and struggles in which I was living was all created through
frustration. It seemed as if each day was a new battle, but the fights were just never ending. My friends were always concerned for me, but they didn’t understand it. Most of them thought I was crazy and wondered what was the big deal of eating a bag of chips or a slice of pizza. Its like the scene of four men having a conversation where one states, “To immerse ourselves in the oblivion of actions and know we're making it happen.” This is what overcome me, a state of oblivion.” I began to push away the people who meant the most to me, all because they were trying to help me. Dance has always been a safe place to just be myself and escape reality. But as the situation got worse it progressively became harder for me to dance. Another man said, “An affirmation of freedom so reckless and unqualified, that it amounts to a total denial of every kind of restraint and limitation.” Anorexia deprived from the one thing I loved as much as my friends and family. Focusing most of my time starving myself, I forgot how to live my life and be a kid. I was in total and complete denial of my actions that I stripped myself of my childhood, and rather than making memories and enjoying being young, I spent my time comparing myself to friends, celebrities and models. Being skinny defined who I was. I had no sense of individuality, and I was too naïve to realize that perfection was not defined by looking like a skeleton. The idea that beauty came from being healthy and happy was unbelievable. At the time I did not want to be cured, but who knows what would have happened to me if I didn’t. Today I am blessed and more than thankful to say that I am healthy. However, I speculate if someone truly ever recovers from Anorexia Nervosa. My sub-conscious is constantly thriving and active. Its little voice always filled with temptation to relapse and turn back to old ways. Unanswered questions fill my mind and I wonder does my sub-conscious ever just let me live my life? Does the battle against Anorexia ever end? When is enough actually enough? Although I have learned from my experiences, the thought that it is possible I could return to my old lifestyle frightens me. However, this struggle has guided me to develop into a stronger person, and I am proud to say Anorexia tried to defeat me and it failed.
There is a woman, she will always in the softest place in your heart, you would like to spend all your life to love her; there is a love, it is Real and selfless and it will never stop, you do not need to return anything...... This man, called "mother ", this love, called" Motherhood "! “Mothers” by Anna Quindlen. I could not stop reading this essay again and again, because this essay tells exactly what I want to say when I am young. My parents leave me alone when I am 6 years old. They have to work outside of the country, during that time, transport and communication is not as convenient as now. So I can only see them once in three years. Growing up with “knowing that I have a mother and she is never around me whenever I need her”
Marya Hornbacher was born on April 4th, 1974, her parents were well-known actors and directors in Walnut Creek, California. She led a chaotic childhood, consisting of a major move to Minnesota, an anxiety disorder, and most of all, perfectionism everywhere she turned, “I always felt there was an expectation that I would do one of two things: be great at something, or go crazy and become a total failure. There is no middle ground where I come from,” (Hornbacher, 281). Marya developed bulimia when she was nine years old, and when she moved away to attending boarding school at fifteen, she became anorexic. Her parents saw it as a phase and Marya did not go into treatment for another seven years, since then, she has had several relapses. Marya wrote her ...
In her essay, “Motherhood: Who Needs It?”, Betty Rollin emphasizes the pressures of motherhood that society puts on women and highlights the fact that becoming a mother is not a natural instinct.
All types of people are affected by eating disorders. However, the highest percentages of people that obtain some form of eating disorder classify themselves as dancers. Eating disorders in dancers are commonly formed by rigorous programs, cruel teachers and choreographers, and the unreachable images and physical expectations that are established by society. Not only do eating disorders dismantle the body and destroy its health, they can also lead to the transform of a stable mind into an irrational one that believes its actions are acceptable and rational. Mental instability does not only affect choices and decisions, but can put the victim at severe risk. There is more to an eating disorder than what people think; sacrificing a healthy body
In Alice Walker’s short story “Everyday Use” is about a girl named Dee that is
"Two Kinds" by Amy Tan is about the intricacies and complexities in the relationship between a mother and daughter. Throughout the story, the mother imposes upon her daughter, Jing Mei, her hopes and dreams for her. Jing Mei chooses not what her mother wants of her but only what she wants for herself. She states, "For, unlike my mother, I did not believe I could be anything I wanted to be. I could be only me" (Tan 1). Thus this "battle of wills" between mother and daughter sets the conflict of the story.
“I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers” - Helen Keller. As a woman known for her disabilities, yet also for her sheer tenacity, Helen Keller states something important about limitations in this quote. She is saying that although limitations may occasionally get in the way and cause distress, they most often are the fuel that fires growth. In “The End of Remembering,” written by Joshua Foer, and The Ordinary Devoted Mother, written by Alison Bechdel, the idea of limitations being both good and bad are explored. In the case of Bechdel, she sees limitations as means of personal personal growth. Foer, however, see them in
I started lots of diets, working out, and skipping meals. I would drink only non-fat liquids all day (mostly water). I would get very hungry, but I didn’t eat. That whole semester was all about getting skinny. I would weigh myself every day and look in the mirror continuously. My behavior changed a lot. I would binge eat in anger and then vomit it all later. I was very irascible. No one wanted to be my friend for being fat and cruel. I was worried and struggled a lot with my weight loss. I saw an immense academic downfall in my studies. That’s when I noticed this wasn’t good for
A memory is like the blossoming of a flower, it is the creation of a whole new life and entity that comes from essentially nothing. When we create a memory, we also create ourselves, and just like the flower, it is out of nowhere. Humans have the privilege of being able to independently think and verbally express those thoughts, giving us the ability to change who we are based on what we know and remember. In other words, our memories shape and define who we are as people. This idea becomes evident in Joshua Foer’s and Alison Bechdel’s works, “The End of Remembering” and “The Ordinary Devoted Mother,” respectively. In this article and graphic memoir, Foer and Bechdel explore the realm of memory and how it affects self-creation, the limits of
Like the girl in the book Next to Nothing, the person she showed her family and friends was happy, smart, valedictorian of her high school, top of her class in college, and she just seemed to have her life all together. Except no one saw the girl that would eat the amount of calories she thought was right or the endless times she wore out shoes on the treadmill. She would starve for days than give in and binge eat. She had that perfectionist mentality. She admits to being miserable. She almost died from her eating disorder. “They wind up consuming you whole. They will kill you, if you let them” (Arnold 2). Over a period of seven years, she attended therapy, hospitalizations, residential treatment, and physical and emotional heartache. She claims to not be cured because her ED (eating disorder) points out when she is not as this as she wants. She talks about how no one told her the dangers but instead she got compliments of how good she looked which made her think she was doing the right thing. She makes a comment about the social pressure for thinness. “I was never thin enough to appease my eating disorder” (Arnold
When something is lost, someone looks for it. When Mom disappears from the train station in Seoul, her children go look for her. If only it was that simple to just find Mom. Please Look After Mom (PLAM) written by Kyung- sook Shin, follows the aftermath of losing Mom, by looking at the perspectives of her children and husband. Within individual perspectives, this emotional piece of literature, analyses guilt and grief in a realistic fashion. These emotions are strong and forthcoming on the reader as the story progresses since it is written in second person. In the article, “Please Look After Mom: A Guilt Trip To The Big City,” written by Maureen Corrigan, discusses her thoughts on the numerous themes. Though Corrigan’s statements can be agreeable,
For four years, I struggled with anorexia. Every time I looked in the mirror I thought my thighs looked fat. I was always tired, unhappy, and snappy. My hair was thin and I would usually blackout in a gym bathroom. Sometimes my friends and family were hard to be around, because food was always in the social setting. I would constantly get comments about how I need to eat and how thin I am, which just fed to my disorder. My family and I weren’t as close, because I was embarrassed about a problem I didn’t want help with. Anorexia led me to hormonal imbalances and to this day I fight against #PCOS.
I waltzed into the same room as Ana and Mia, the affectionate names given to the most common of eating disorders, when I was 13. They were tall and slender, everything the voice in my head said I should be. It started with skipping lunch, bringing me down to one meal a day. This wasn't too bad, except that I would inevitably crack at some point, eat my feelings, then cry because I couldn't be what Ana wanted. I suppose taming her, the first day I ate under four hundred calories, was my threshold guardian into this underworld (4). I quickly learned that
Becoming a mother has been the best part of my life. I became a mother at a very young age. I had no idea what to expect and was not in the least prepared for the journey that lie ahead. I have truly embraced motherhood and enjoy all the wonderful things it has taught me. While living through motherhood, I have found that it can teach you the most valuable lessons there are to learn. Being a mother has taught me how to have patience. I have also learned that being a mother takes a lot on mental and physical strength. My children have been the best to teach me how to juggle many tasks at once. They have made me strong. Even through some unexpected turns, I have learned how to get through hard times and really learn what it means to never give up. My children are my biggest blessing, and I hope they will learn valuable lessons through me. The skills I have learned from being a mother have helped me in my college journey.
Has anyone ever asked you: “Who is most important to you”? To me the most wonderful mother in my life, no one can replace her in my heart. My mother, who is very nice and gentle, helps me and has always been there for me when I need her. My mother loves me very much. She is strict and educated me to become a good person. I can’t say how much love her. I am grateful to her because she gave me birth, brings me love and helped me grow up. But you know she just takes care of me a lot. Every day she tells me the same words. If you were me, you would feel very tired. I am a very happy child having my mother. I feel too tired to listen to her words, but imagine one day I don’t see her any longer and listen to her voice. What would I feel?