The Lake Monologue

1051 Words3 Pages

I didn't know if I had the courage to do this.

Something, somewhere in the depths of my mind was slowly stirring, holding me away from the edge – the need to survive. It was the urge that had made me drop the pills from my hand; the same feeling that had made me drop the rope that I was tying to the floor, to leave it in a tangled heap, a fitting metaphor for the mess that was my mind. But on that day, I had killed it. Suffocated it, pushing it right back into the depths of my thoughts, never to be seen again. Which was what I was going to do to myself.

It had been a long, hot summer's day. I wound down the windows of my jeep, letting the blasts of air slap me in the face like a thousand angry hands. Although it made my eyes sting, I relished …show more content…

The car stalled, snapping me forwards, but I barely noticed it through the raging torrent of emotions and memories coursing through me. The lake. Her face. The taste of her lips. The feel of the grass against my back. The sound of the gently waving trees, the chattering of the birds, the heat of the sun- …show more content…

Nobody would miss me – my mother was an alcoholic who didn't care, and I never knew my father. Although my grandmother was the only person I loved or could turn to, she was in her nineties, and wouldn't be around much longer anyway. When she died, it would be just me – me against the world. My friends had left after – well, after I became a mess – and I had no other family. That was why I had to do it.

I filled my lungs with the cool, crisp air as I splashed purposefully into the shallows, soaking myself – not that I cared. Behind and to the left of me, I could hear the trees whispering frantically to one another, as they seemed to realise what I intended to do.

I continued to wade out, until the freezing water was around my waist. The arctic water seemed to shock me back to life. This was it. I was doing this for real. The part of me which I had managed to suppress reared up again, but I fought it – this was it. I would not back out. I took a deep breath, and prepared to take the plunge, in her favourite place to swim. With her face in my head, I began to sink.

And for the first time in two months, the rain poured

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