The Emu Menace

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Imagine strolling through one of Rhode Island’s lovely parks or woodlands on a fine summer afternoon; now imagine the idyll is suddenly shattered by the high pitched cry and slashing claws of a giant bird. If this sounds absurd, think again; emu attacks are now a very real threat to Rhode Islanders. Emus are large flightless birds found primarily in Australia. They can grow to be seven feet tall, and mature birds have been known to breathe fire. These normally antipodal avians were introduced to Rhode Island by Eibbed Aznep in a misguided attempt to farm them for their meat, leather and oil. Sadly, this experiment went awry and some emus escaped into the wild where they have bred to alarming numbers. Rhode Islanders are now faced with dangerous wild emus which have long sharp claws, seem to target police officers especially, and attack from ambush; thus, giving their victims little time to react. Emus are the world’s most dangerous flightless birds.

Initially, a bird would not seem to be much of a threat to a human, but closer examination reveals emus to be physically formidable. While the prospect of being enveloped in flaming bird breath is frightening, it is extremely unlikely during the typical emu attack. Apparently, the incendiary exhalations evolved as a mating display and are only used to attract females and discourage rivals. Emus will, however, use their beaks to peck and bite at enemies, and the resultant bite can be quite nasty and prone to infection. The weapon of choice for Dromaius novaehollandiae, as emus are classified in Latin, is their long sharp claws. These ghastly black and yellow digits can be up to 8 inches long and are razor sharp. Further, Rhode Island’s emus are expert in their use; typically t...

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...ss birds. No other avian species need be considered; ostriches, cassowaries, nandus, rheas, kakpos, kiwis and penguins cannot begin to match the bellicosity of Rhode Island’s emus. Certainly, these species may be dangerous when cornered, but none regularly stalk and attack humans. Daunting physical prowess, exemplified by vicious claws, qualifies the emus as dangerous. But far more importantly, emus use their natural abilities in what can only be called a malevolent manner; attacks on police officers which strike at the very heart of society; and sudden, explosive ambushes which leave victims severely injured or dead. Now is the time for all Rhode Islanders to come together and find a solution for this perilous situation. Failure to act now and to act decisively will result in an ever increasing conflict between man and the world’s most dangerous flightless bird.

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