Thanksgiving Eating Disorder

Thanksgiving and Christmas is the only time the family eats together. I visit the bathroom often during dinner. They never question my visits to the bathroom, why I get sick easily, my fidgety nature, or why I’m always cold. An eating disorder can affect anyone. It sneaks up on a person and causes them to lose control. The physical symptoms can be noticeable, but what happens within the person’s mind is unseen.
Sometimes you can point out someone else’s illness, others you cannot. An illness, like an eating disorder, changed the way I acted around people. I was distant, bleak, too nice, too quiet, too aggressive, and even hateful to others. Gradually, I knew my happiness was depleting and there was no one to blame. However, I believe there

I remember coming home from a walk, out of breath. “You’re breathing will improve.” She said, “Once you lose the weight, your asthma will go away.” She always thought my asthma was fake. The reason I have trouble breathing is because I’m overweight, but too embarrassed to admit it. She doesn’t believe my doctor gave me a prescription for an inhaler, but instead I persuaded the doctor into thinking I have asthma. “Skipping meals is good. We all need to occasionally.” “Working out only does so much. You need to stop eating so much to get where you want to be.” Those sentences ring through my mind like my grandmother preached them yesterday.
Even after all of the harsh sayings, I don’t account my grandmother for my disorder. She was only trying to help. She wanted what was best. Perhaps if I discussed about my struggle she would have provided me with help, but she would never find out. I made sure my disorder was concealed.
I’ve lost 12 pounds in a week and no one suspects anything. How could they when I don’t come out to see them? 12 pounds was a new record, however, it’s still not good enough. I thought I would harbor this sense of pride or great accomplishment; that I would be happy with who I am and my life, but there was just another goal to obtain. I needed to fit into those jeans I wore when I was 14. I need to be able to look in the mirror and not feel inconsequential of the reflection. I craved to be