Summary of Getting Past You and No

Summary of Getting Past You and No

(0) Introduction

Each of us has to face tough negotiation with an irritable spouse, an ornery boss, a rigid salesperson, or a tricky customer. Under stress, even kind, reasonable people turn into angry, intractable opponents.

In order to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement in an efficient and amicable fashion, this book introduces us the strategy of breakthrough negotiation. The breakthrough strategy is counterintuitive: it requires us to do the opposite of what we might naturally do in difficult situations. In addition, the essence of the breakthrough strategy is indirect action. Rather than trying to break down opponent's resistance, we

make it easier for him to break through it themselves. In short, breakthrough negotiation is the art of letting the other person have our ways.

(1) STEP ONE: Don't React Go To The Balcony

The first step we need to do in dealing with a difficult person is not to control his behavior but to control our own. Because when we react-act without thinking, we usually neglect our interests. "Going to the balcony" means distancing ourselves from our natural impulses and emotions. From the balcony we can calmly evaluate the conflict, think constructively for both sides, and look for a mutually satisfactory way to resolve the problem. One the balcony, the first thing we need to do is figure out our interests. We also need to identify our BATNA- our Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. The agreement must satisfy our interests better than our BATNA could. Our BATNA should be our measuring stick for evaluating any potential agreement.

Often we do not even realize we are reacting, because we are too enmeshed in the situation. Therefore, we need to recognize the tactic. Make a mental note when we detect a possible trick or subtle attack. By naming the game, we are able to neutralize it easily. Once we have named the game and stop our immediate reaction, the next step is to buy ourselves time to think-time to go to the balcony. Use the time to keep our eyes on the prize-an agreement that satisfies your interests, certainly better than our BATNA can. Instead of getting mad or getting even, concentrate on getting what we want. This is what going to the balcony is all about.

(2) STEP TWO: Disarm Them Step To Their Side