In the coming-of-age short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” by Joyce Carol Oates, a fifteen year old girl named Connie has an incident involving a strange man, Arnold Friend, that causes her to grow up quickly and causes her to see the real world for the first time. Through this incident, the author shows how Connie’s vanity, love of music, and her life without a father figure lead her to not be able to handle situations where a person uses those qualities against her; therefore, she has a harsh and quick coming of age. Narcissistic is a word that completely and easily encompasses Connie. A multitude of times, Connie looks in the mirror to inspect her appearance. She often looks at other people to compare the magnitude of …show more content…
her beauty to theirs. When Connie looks at her mother, she is staring “right through her mother, into a shadowy vision of herself as she was right at that moment: she knew she was pretty and that was everything” (Oates 34). Connie is so full of herself that she looks right through her mother as her mother talks and imagines what she looks like at that moment. Her narcissism, vanity, causes her a couple of significant problems that lead up to her scary encounter with Arnold Friend. When Arnold, the master manipulator of narcissistic young ladies, comes to Connie’s house, he is able to get her to come out of the house and leave with him through his flattery and underlying seduction. Because Connie is so full of herself, Arnold’s compliments and his appealing smile work magic on her. Also, because Connie cares very much about how people look, the moment she see Arnold, an older man dressed up like a younger handsome fellow, she doesn’t comprehend that Arnold is a very manipulative and wicked person till the moment of her coming of age. Once she reaches her coming-of-age incident, she finally understands that looks aren’t sufficient enough to judge people on including herself; she couldn’t judge if Arnold was virtuous or not based on his looks. Just as Connie’s narcissism masked her ability to handle Arnold’s visit, her love of music masked her ability to handle his visit. Pop culture influences people’s daily choices and influences their expectations of the world.
Connie is no exception to the fact that music does deeply influence people. Before Arnold came to her house, Connie had been listening to Bobby King, a soul singer. When Arnold pulled up to her house, Connie heard the same Bobby King song playing in Arnold’s car that she had been listening to before. The lyrics in Bobby King’s songs endorse dark and romantic ideas. One song, “At the Dark End of the Street,” tells the story of how two lovers meet up in a dark alley. These songs that talk about outlandish versions of love muffle her understanding of true love. So, when Arnold often says phrases like the ones found on page 47, “Yes, I’m your lover. You don’t know what that is but you will,” Connie believes him. Also, because she has an opaque understanding of love, she doesn’t understand that the world is full of people who will use young people that are still trying to comprehend the world. When Connie finally realizes that particular people will use her own incompetence about love and how music influences her against her, the situation had gone too far out of Connie’s hands. Similar to how Connie doesn’t understand true love, Connie doesn’t understand how to act around
men. Growing up without a father figure in a person’s life can be tough. In Connie’s life, her “father was away at work most of the time and when he came home he wanted supper and he read the newspaper at supper and after supper he went to bed” (Oates 35). So, Connie, in a way, doesn’t even have a father because when he is around, her father isn’t present in her life. Because Connie doesn’t have a man in her life, she never learns how men operate, therefore she doesn’t know how to act around men. When Arnold comes to Connie’s house, he knows how to manipulate young women, especially those who don’t understand how to act around men. Arnold was able to control Connie because she is very unsure of herself around men. Because of not having a father figure in her life, Connie has a harsh coming of age. Because Arnold used Connie’s vanity, love of music, and her life without a father figure against her, Connie had a severe coming-of-age incident where she was driven to leave her home with a stranger.
A theme that runs through this story is that music seems to be the bridge from the real world into Connie's fantasy world. She doesn't know what she wants, but it's got something to do with "the music that made everything so good." When Arnold Friend drove up the driveway, Connie was listening to music, "bathed in a glow of slow-pulsed joy." She soon discovered that he was playing the same music in his car. This is not a coincidence; I think it makes a connection in the back of Connie's mind. And, the story says that it seemed to Connie like Arnold "had come from nowhere," and "belonged nowhere," and that everything about him "was only half real."
In “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been” by Joyce Carol Oates, Connie is a normal teenage girl who is approached outside her home by a guy named Arnold Friend who threatens to harm her, and she obeys, if she does not get in the car with him. Connie is the main character in this story who teaches us that sometimes we might search for adult independence too early before we are actually ready to be independent and on our own. Connie is so focused on her appearance that she works hard to create a mature and attractive adult persona that will get her attention from guys. This search for independence conflicts with Connie’s relationship with her family and their protection of her. Connie’s insecurity and low self-esteem is triggered by her fear of intimacy. Connie confuses having the attention of men with actually having them pursue her in a sexual way.
In her famous short story, “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been,” Joyce Carol Oates shows the transition from childhood to adulthood through her character Connie. Each person experiences this transition in their own way and time. For some it is leaving home for the first time to go to college, for others it might be having to step up to a leadership position. No matter what, this transition affects everyone; it just happens to everyone differently. Oates describes Connie's unfortunate coming of age in a much more violent and unexpected way than the typical coming of age story for a fifteen year old girl.
Conclusion: The author Evan Hunter, of the story, “On The Sidewalk Bleeding” successfully demonstrates the theme of Coming of Age as he shifted his main character from an adolescent, idealistic view of the world to a more mature and realistic view. The character matured from making ignorant and selfish decisions to a more knowledgeable and selfless decisions. Andy came of age from a boy to a man, as he lay on the street bleeding to death. All in all these newly developed characteristics all prove the genre of coming of
As I began reading “Where are you going, where have you been?” by Joyce Carol Oates I found myself relating the experiences of Connie, the girl in the story, to my own personal experiences. She spoke of going to a friend’s house and having her friend’s father drive them to the shopping mall so that they could walk around and socialize or go see a movie. I found that this related very closely with my own experiences of being fifteen years old because it was always someone else’s parents driving my friends and I to the movies or to the mall.
Joyce Carol Oates intrigues readers in her fictional piece “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been” by examining the life of a fifteen year old girl. She is beautiful, and her name is Connie. Oates lets the reader know that “everything about her [Connie] had two sides to it, one for home, and one for anywhere but home (27). When Connie goes out, she acts and dresses more mature than she probably should. However, when she is at home, she spends the majority of her time absorbed with daydreams “about the boys she met”(28). This daydreaming behavior is observable to the reader throughout the story. From theories about dreams, theories about subconscious thought, and the clues that Oates provides, the reader is lead to believe that Connie’s experience with Arnold Friend is a nightmare used to awaken her to the consequences that her behavior could result in.
In the short story, Connie is a young, naïve, sassy, little girl who hates her mom and sister. According to Oates, “Connie wished her mother was dead” (324). Connie enjoys going out with her friends and going to a drive-in restaurant where the older kids hang out. Connie is innocent, but thinks about love and sex. She is desperate to appeal to boys and succeeds at it when a boy with shaggy black hair says to her, “Gonna get you, baby” (325). Her encounter with this boy will change her life forever, because he is the antagonist that influences Connie’s loss of innocence. On a Sunday afternoon, the boy, Arnold Friend, visits Connie and asks her to come for a ride, which she declines. But, Arnold Friend won’t take “no” for an answer and threatens to go in the house. For example when Connie says she will call the cops, Arnold says “Soon as you touch the phone I don’t need to keep my promise and come inside”
A mysterious car pulled into Connie’s driveway and the driver proceeds to get out of his vehicle, showing that he belonged there, not recognizing the car Connie opens the door to her house and leans out it. “She went into the kitchen and approached the door slowly, then hung out the screen door,” (2). Without even knowing who or why this person has come to her house, Connie opens her door and leans out to possible talk to the driver, who would turn out to be Arnold Friend and wants to take her on a “date”. Connie’s ignorance towards Arnold and his arrival almost immediately puts her in a vulnerable state without her even realizing it, this vulnerability would be the first event to foreshadow Connie’s inevitable kidnapping. After greeting and talking to Arnold for a little, he proceeds to ask Connie if she wants to go for a ride in his car. Instead of turning down the offer since she barely, if at all, knew Arnold, Connie somewhat debates it. “Connie smirked and let her hair fall loose over her shoulder,” (3). Though she lacks any information about Arnold, Connie kind of debates taking up his offer to go for a ride, further letting her ignorance towards the entire situation usher her into an even more vulnerable
Being sexualized by the boys around her, Connie is self-conscious and finds her worth in beauty. The story even states, “She knew she was pretty and that was everything” (Oates 422). She is concerned about her appearance and what others think of her because she has been taught that she lacks any value outside of physical beauty norms. Arnold Friend, even tells Connie, “...be sweet like you can because what else is there for a girl like you but to be sweet and pretty and give in?” (Oates 432). Between this coaxing and the consistent message about the importance of beauty, Connie is nearly forced to conform to this mentality, which displays the lack of respect for young females as human beings. This in turn leads women to self-degradation as they are consistently viewed as sexual
During the teenage years they no longer want to be labeled the “child; matter of fact, they have a strong desire to rebel against the family norms and move quickly into adulthood. This transition and want for freedom can be a very powerful and frightening thing as there are evils in this world that cannot be explained. Most parents try to understand and give their teens certain freedoms, but at what expense? Joyce Oates gives us a chilly story about a teenager that wanted and craved this freedom of adulthood called “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?”. This is a haunting story of a young girl by the name of Connie who gives us a glimpse of teenager transitioning from childhood with the need for freedom and the consequences of her actions. Connie is described as a very attractive girl who did not like her role in the family unit. She was the daughter who could not compare to her older sister and she felt her Mom showed favoritism towards her sister. Connie is your average teen who loves music, going out with friends, and she likes the attention she receives from boys. During this time, Connie is also growing into her sexuality and is obsessing with her looks as she wants and likes to be noticed by the opposite sex. Her sexual persona and need to be free will be what is fatal to her character’s life and well-being.
Joyce Carol Oates’s short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” clearly illustrates the loss of innocence adolescents experience as they seek maturity, represented by Connie's dangerous encounter with Arnold Friend. Connie symbolizes the many teens that seek independence from their family in pursuit of maturity. Connie’s great desire to grow up is apparent from the beginning of the story, as she experiments with her sexuality. However, it is clear that Connie is not interested in pursuing a relationship, but relishes the maturity she feels after being with the opposite sex. After following a boy to his car, she was “gleaming with a joy that had nothing to do with Eddie or even this place” (2). This suggests that Connie's exploits
When approached by Arnold Friend at first, she was skeptical but was still charmed by him. As she began to feel uneasy, Connie could have used her intuition to realize that he was trouble. Once she had been engaged by Arnold, her life was over. The influences on Connie and her lack of instilled reasoning led to her down fall. Her family’s fragmented nature was echoed in her actions; consequently, she was unable to communicate with her parents, and she was never was able to learn anything of significance. She felt abandoned and rejected, because no one took the initiative to teach her how to make good decisions. Connie was unable to mature until she was faced with death and self sacrifice. In the end, her situation made it difficult for her to think and reason beyond the position she was in. By not being able apply insight, she fell into Arnold Friends lure. Misguidance by the parents strongly contributed to Connie’s
Healthy narcissism is a mature, balanced love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one's boundaries and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one's achievements and traits.10 This implies that a leader, like Stephen Harper for example may be is more likely a narcissist rather than psychopath. He knows his limits, and does not try and overachieve something that is not within reach, keeping a realistic view of the world but still seeing himself on top. Psychopaths rarely seek Narcissistic Supply. Pathological narcissism is wrongly described as too much healthy narcissism (or too much self-esteem).11 Yet, we often find that narcissists abandon their efforts in mid-stream,
Rubin attempts to convey the idea that Connie falls asleep in the sun and has a daydream in which her “…intense desire for total sexual experience runs headlong into her innate fear…” (58); and aspects of the story do seem dream like - for instance the way in which the boys in Connie’s daydreams “…dissolved into a single face…” (210), but the supposition that the entire episode is a dream does not ring true. There are many instances in which Connie perceives the frightening truth quite clearly; she is able to identify the many separate elements of Friend’s persona - “… that slippery friendly smile of his… [and] the singsong way he talked…” (214). But because of the lack of attachment with her own family, and her limited experience in relating deeply to others, “…all of these things did not come together” (214) and Connie is unable to recognize the real danger that Arnold Friend poses until it is too late.
Firstly, what is exactly narcissism? The word ‘narcissism’ was derived from an ancient Greek myth of Narcissus. Narcissus was depicted as a handsome young man who adored his looks very much. Many young maidens fell in love with him but he criticizes them for being too ugly for him. One day, he fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. However, he accidentally drowned himself as he tried to touch his reflection. Hence, the word ‘narcissism’ is usually depicted as a personality that reflects excessive of self-love on oneself. Individuals who are narcissistic are usually described as somebody who is selfish, snobbish or proud. This is because narcissistic individual processes information obtained differently than others. They believe that they deserve more than others since they think they are more superior in every aspect. Due to their sense of grandiosity, they will do anything in order t...