Peer Critique of “The Race for World War Weapons” by Tyler Knape
Tyler’s essay discussed the evolutions of tanks and planes in the first world wars. He looked to argue how these innovations changed warfare and the affect each weapon had on both wars. His thesis stated, “Between the two wars, the tank in WWI, and the aircraft in WWII, would prove to be innovational and would massively affect the outcomes of both wars.” With that thesis there were well done parts of his essay and other parts that need improvement.
To start with what went well, his paper gave a lot of detail on the weapons themselves. The descriptions of the weapons themselves were vivid enough to really get an understanding on how they could affect battle. He also uses personal accounts from each war in order to give a primary course to help prove his thesis. He also shows how innovation helped the war effort by describing different models of each weapon, and how the latest weapon help defeat the enemy. The essay is also pretty well written, easy to follow,
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and informative. However this is a rough draft, so there is plenty of room for improvement.
First of all, the assignment is prove a pattern exists, then explain its causation, and then its significance. Tyler proves existence well, but does not explain significance and causation as well. His thesis also states the innovation would affect the outcome of war, so that is what he is trying to prove. This is done well in his third and fifth body paragraphs, where he describes how both sides of the war made innovations in warfare and how the winners of each war had innovated better. However the other body paragraphs do not do this as much. The first body paragraph discusses psychological effects of the weapon. While that is stated in the introduction, it is not part of the thesis. It is also the only time a psychological aspect is mentioned in the paper. Along with there being problems with the thesis, there are small grammatical errors but that could be fixed
easily. As far as making improvements, I have a few recommendations. First, think about the essay as it was assigned; Prove pattern, explain causation, explain significance in history. A good way to organize thoughts is to make a simple essay planner so you know what each paragraph is about. You for example could plan something out like this: Intro, Body Paragraph 1: prove pattern exists in WWI, Body Paragraph 2: causation of it, then repeat those paragraph formats for BP’s 3 and 4 but use WWII, then a paragraph explaining this historical significance and why this pattern helps understand history, then your conclusion. That's just a simple idea, you could change it to however you would like. Also spend some time on the thesis and make sure everything goes back to the thesis and relates to it. As far as grammar stuff goes, I tried to mark on the copy of his essay anythings I noticed or anything that did not make sense while I read it. There are many free grammar checkers online, (I use Paper Rater,) and it could also help to have a couple other people read through it to check for grammar. As far as citations go, remember chicago style, and that when you sight footnotes a little differently compared to the bibliography. They are slightly more compact in the footnotes. Also remember on the assignment page for the essay he lists how he wants it styled. It says no using rhetorical questions, contractions, abbreviations, clichés, colloquialisms, or slang. Do not use “I” or “Me” and write in the past tense throughout. Overall, the paper gave good detail, had a good introduction, and had an interesting topic. If the fixes to the format of the paper are addressed, and with good proofreading, this paper should score very well
Martin Blumesfield's writing of this book is a very interesting book. His way of writing really gets the point across and makes you think like you there. He uses many rhetoric devices to enhance his writing and get what he's trying to do. He uses many similes and figurative language to back up his point of him being there. He has many of Patton's paper and he actually can relate to whats going on through his interpretation of the "Patton Papers." Many say this is the greatest Patton book out there and I agree. The way Blumesfield makes you feel is so real, you can appreciate a good writer when you find one like Blumesfield.
The tone during the whole plot of in Brave New World changes when advancing throughout the plot, but it often contains a dark and satiric aspect. Since the novel was originally planned to be written as a satire, the tone is ironic and sarcastic. Huxley's sarcastic tone is most noticeable in the conversations between characters. For instance, when the director was educating the students about the past history, he states that "most facts about the past do sound incredible (Huxley 45)." Through the exaggeration of words in the statement of the director, Huxley's sarcastic tone obviously is portrayed. As a result of this, the satirical tone puts the mood to be carefree.
In Kirby Dick’s influential documentary “The Invisible War,” filmmaker Kirby Dick uses pathos, ethos and logos to gain information and supplementary details to make his point that there is an epidemic of rape in throughout the DOD (Department of Defense) and the fact that military sexual trauma (MST) in the United States military goes unheard, mostly unpunished and needs to be addressed at a higher level.
In today’s world, the use of airplanes in wars or in everyday life has become a part of how we live as human beings. Removing the air forces of the world is like taking a step back in time when wars were only fought on land or sea. WWI began only eleven short years after the Wright brothers achieved powered flight in 19031 and yet aircrafts were being used for surveillance and eventually combat purposes. It is understood that these aircrafts were primitive, but they laid down the foundation for what we know today as fighter jets. The Fokker Eindecker “revolutionized air combat by successfully employing a synchronized forward -firing machine gun mounted on the engine cowling”2. Because this airplane became the first to successfully use a synchronized machine gun, it allowed its pilots to become the first aerial combat tactitions3.
World War Warfare was one of the greatest examples of technological advancement and strategic challenge, with the introduction of inventions such as the aircraft and the tank the battlefield transformed from attrition as scene in the early years of the war to decisive by the end of the war.
After an analysis of the preliminary speeches Former Senator Robert C. Byrd gave in the early 2000s one may deduce that the senator had the welfare of his fellow Americans in mind as the copious amounts of people around the world might be effected by this war. These speeches are in regard to the grand dilemma that presented itself over a decade ago. This conflict happened to be whether or not we ought to go to war with Iraq. The vein of the initial speech, Rush to War Ignores U.S. Constitution, is cautionary. Byrd is attempting to emblematically pump the breaks on the notion that we have a duty to wage war. In the second speech A Preordained Course of Action on Iraq, Byrd continues to convey his disapprobation as well as recurrently referencing
Despite there being hundreds of video game releases every year, most of these games are unoriginal and therefore unplayable. There are countless video game genres, but one of the most popular genres in the past few years have been the zombie games, also called survival games. I was thoroughly convinced that all the games in this genre were clichéd and overdone, until I played the video game The Last of Us. Even though it is a survival game, the focus is not on gruesome zombies or gratuitous violence, making it already vastly different from the others. Instead, the focus is on telling a story. Between the gorgeous graphics, serene music, and flawless acting, it already goes beyond being just another “zombie game,” but this isn’t even accounting
One day, in the early 60s the US Government discovered that the Soviet Union had a nuclear missile on the island of Cuba. So, the US government asked the Soviets to get rid of them. It was a bold thing to do because anything could have happened. Things between the US and the Soviets were already tense because of the cold war. For fourteen days, tension grew between the nations. Not knowing if this missile aimed and ready to fire at the US. Kennedy decided to give this speech the “Cuban Missile Crisis Address”. The address was used was to announce there will be a naval blockade on Cuba until the crisis is solved. This address was very effective because Kennedy did not say he was going to start
Murray, Williamson R. (1998-08-13). Military Innovation in the Interwar Period (p. 242). Cambridge University Press
The important question of how we should deal with gun control inflates more and more each and everyday. In his essay, “Just Take Away Their Guns,” author James Q. Wilson gives his unique solution on the issue of gun control. He emphasizes that his argument is not to disarm law-abiding citizens, but “to reduce the number of people who carry guns unlawfully” (Wilson 126). He uses a variety of strategies such as the use of tone and logic, to effectively support his claim, however the absence of sources leaves a hole in the argument to which the reader may question the validity of the argument.
Rhetorical Analysis of Woodrow Wilson's War Address to Congress. With the status of the country’s belligerency heavily in question, an. apprehensive President Woodrow Wilson prepared to request from an unmotivated and unprepared country, a declaration of war against Germany. After exerting every attempt possible to retain the peace and honor of the United States, the President was finally forced to choose between the two. in which he opted for the latter (Seymour 26).
Johnson, David E. Fast Tanks and Heavy Bombers: Innovation in the U.S. Army, 1917-1945. Ithaca: Cornell UP, 1998. Print.
Are we as citizens considered free? Are all of the amendments that are stated in the Bill of Rights met? The world may ask, “ What freedom would you like to be expressed or expanded?” The freedom that should be expanded is the freedom to educate. The freedom to educate should be expanded because, as you should know slaves were not allowed to educate themselves. I know this because when reading an earlier document, “ History is a Weapon,” which states, “Knowledge was power, and virtually all slave codes established in the United States set restrictions making it illegal to teach slaves to read or write.” Also, you have people who are over our education like Betsy DeVos. She is taking a lot of money out of title one schools. Abraham’s speech also had a role in education.
Mortimer, G. (2013). Giving the machine gun wings. Aviation History, 23(6), 50-55. Retrieved from http://ehis.ebscohost.com/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=2e489df0-5604-49cf-8709-9359f8a1feee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=3&hid=4211
Advancements in technology and science contributed to one of the most gory and bloodiest wars in the annals of human existence. These new technological advancements revolutionized how people regarded war. War was no longer where the opposite forces fought in a coordinated battle. War evolved into a game of cunning strategy where the side with the bigger, more powerful, and smarter toys played better. This led to a fierce competition where each side tried to create the smarter machines and better weapons, leading to deadly mass killing weapons in the process.