Racism And Racial Tensions In America

Day in and day out, headlines of racism and police brutality flood the television I watch and the news I read. A part of me can’t help but feel horror and disgust, but the other part of me watches or listens unamused, unresponsive. I want to feel like I can understand, but I can’t because of who I am and what I have been through, or I should say haven’t been through. I, being half black and half white, have always felt like an outsider regarding the racial tensions in the United States, as a majority of my perspective on the situation has come from objective facts and observations, not on personal experience.

Throughout my life, I have been plagued with the question “What are you?” many times. My response has always been the same: “A person.”

This apparent unsatisfactory answer would elicit a rephrase of something along the lines of “No, no. What are you?” I would respond and tell them that I am half black and half white. They would constantly be surprised, and list ethnicities and racial combinations far from my actual racial composition. My entire life, being biracial has always been a question for not only those around me, but for me as well.
Growing up in predominantly white and relatively wealthy Connecticut, has influenced my feeling of being an outsider of the racial tensions.

I never felt like I was a minority, in the sense that although I am half black, I have light skin and have been exposed to mainly “white” culture. Living in Connecticut, I never experienced racism, although I did get occasional remarks about being biracial. It wasn’t until I moved to Massachusetts that I experienced actual racism. My dad, having experienced his share of racism, has always told me it doesn’t matter whether you are biracial, it matters if the world decides to see you as black. This comment has always resonated with me, in the sense that it has contradicted everything I have ever been told by my white family and friends, as they would say I should embrace my Afro-Carribean

roots.
I have always wondered how I could be both black and white.

Living in a black and white society, I feel like I have never been given the chance to be biracial or I was never allowed. Recently I had to take a test, and before taking the test I had to fill out a survey. On this survey, one of the first questions asked was about race and ethnicity. I was given six options: White, Hispanic, Black, American Indian, Asian, and Other. I began to fill in the bubbles for both black and white, but upon finishing, I reread the directions. “Choose one option” the questionnaire read. I couldn’t help but stare at it in disbelief, wondering why I should be forced to chose one. A few minutes passed and my friends were far beyond done filling out the form, yet there I was, still cemented on that one question. They all urged me to hurry up, as the time allotted was about to run out, but I couldn’t make the decision to check one box and not the other. So instead of moving on, I began to curate a list of pros and cons in my head to see which one I should choose. But as I was doing this, I received a nudge from a friend as we were moving on to the test. So in a split-second decision, I was forced to check the Other box. Afterwards a surge of betrayal, for myself and society, overcame me. My entire life society has made me feel like it was never okay to be more than just “black” or just “white”. For the entirety of my life I forced myself to fit a mold casted by society and I never thought

twice about breaking free from that mold. Living in this black and white world has caused major turmoil on my self identity, but it has taught me countless unique and valuable lessons about not having to fit societal norms and being yourself. It wasn't until recently, that I came to the self-actualization that it was okay to be both black and white.