Personal Narrative: The Relationship With My Family

In the past couple years, I faced emotions of loneliness, worthlessness and even depression. I spent those years trying to figure out what was the cause of these serious emotions and one of the answers that I stumbled upon was when I finally talked to a therapist about dealing with my depression. The simple answer was the relationship with my family and the environment I was in; Figuring out what to do about it was the next giant leap. Throughout history, America has been known as an immigrant country that uses the phrase “The American Dream” over and over, but what is it really? “That dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement.” (James Truslow

Adams, The Epic of America). My parents, like many immigrants, came here because of that phrase to seek success and fortune. However, perhaps they got more than what they bargained for.
My parents came here with their family from Cambodia and found each other here in America. As they raised a family in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, they found there was a difference in social norms such as food, culture, and school. In response, they created this sort of barrier between the outside and within the walls of the house; protecting their precious children from the outside world. They were expecting that their children to follow tradition and become this image of the perfect Asian adult. This was not the case.
When you are a child, you believe everything your parents tell you and you sort of picture them as being perfect.

As my education began, there was an obvious difference between families. I was more secluded and there was a difference in behavior and mannerism. Growing up, I saw this dissonance between my parents and myself. The more I tried to lessen the distance, the more father they appeared. I began distancing myself and became ashamed of my parents and their tradition. My family now considers me more “Americanized” being more accustomed to social norms and having the same mannerisms. Because of this, there are arguments in the differences of views, beliefs and mannerism. As a response, I shut myself off. No longer arguing. No longing caring. I soon wanted to be more independent and I began to plan an escape of emotional prison.

This story is a small image of what generally happens to an a child of an immigrant family. Among many immigrant families, younger family members tend to adapt to the culture faster than members of older generations. Members of the older generation may dislike the influence that American culture has on the younger members. On the other hand, the younger generation may view their elders as too set in their views and beliefs. Because of this, arguments can occur and can create divides among family

members.
Peers, media, schools can act as powerful socializing agents and as a result, members of the older generation may feel that they cannot compete with these pervasive cultural and social forces. The family members who identify more with the culture of their home country may experience frustration when they attempt to instill their cultural values into younger family members. Parents may blame television and magazines for the unwanted change they see in their children and if they decide to act by cracking down on their children's access to popular media, this may lead to further generational schisms.
As a tragic response, estrangements, disownment, and ultimatums become an outcome from either party. Not wanting to deal with the stress and emotions, they opt for cutting off connections completely leading to regret and mental issues. My story is just a section of the larger problem. With lack of communication, understanding, and common ground from each member involved, stories of disownment become more frequent.
A young muslim woman, from a strict family, was given an ultimatum; leave her non-muslim boyfriend or leave the family. The choice of her love or her mother, who has been her best friend for years, and her younger sisters. She kissed her younger sisters goodbye and walked towards her new future without her family. The emotional repercussion that she faced caused her to experience feelings of exhaustion, stress, and being lost in her own conscious. With the help of her boyfriend and friends, she reached a place of stability but always had the sense of loneliness due to the fact that the only one person knew her lowest points.
Stories like this one are left unfinished in my eyes. They talk about their experience but very few took steps to seek aid for these serious feelings. Resources for these situations are available such as therapy individual and group sessions, medications, and social groups. However, if there were steps taken before to help parties to understand each other, maybe stories like the one above become less frequent. If more information and resources were available, the stigma f
I expressed my displeasure with my family but I realized that neither of us express what really is going on. I’m very different in their eyes. A family member who failed. A family member who mingles well with strangers. A family member who has empathy and acts on it. The American dream is something everyone strives for. However, at what cost does it bring when one tries to climb over people to the top. Though I may have be overcoming some serious emotions, I never communicated thee emotions to the ones who they are from. I believe that maybe if they saw what I see maybe there can be room for compromise.