I am a kaleidoscope of my mother’s committed recklessness and my father’s wayfaring humanity. I am the random chaos between humility and self-love, between Sikhism and clouded judgment, between yesterday and tomorrow. To the “responsible” child, a divorce is when time and motion cease to be, when two unenthusiastic partners become stuck in this tired, old dance. But with a dreadful unfamiliarity and yet the hope of relief, I knew it was coming. I remember the piercing sting of fingernails grinding into my hand as I tried to stop one of them from calling the Johns Creek police or how words failed me in Ms. Gibson’s class because partner violence really has a way of shutting an 8th grader up. Yet I could never tell if it was a frenzy of love or hate that coiled and tangled us together. Eventually, my mother left; she only fought for custody of my siblings. It was a simple act, not a new line in the script. Simple and sordid. …show more content…
As time blunted the edges of those sharp memories, I got over it.
She left and he stayed. Time to switch into “Daddy Mode.” No mentioning of Mama, no acting “rude,” no complaining about the food served for dinner –I can do this. Sure, giving my family the silent treatment helped but so did the unconditional support from my friends. I am still the “responsible” child, but I foster a seriousness mixed with a graceful gaiety; now, I even make dinner. I feel a familiar sense of calm come over me beyond the honey-colored walls of my Sikh temple, my gurdwara. I am in complete awe. The journey I make every Sunday sparks reveries of the days when I still had flowing, ebony hair falling down at my knees. For Sikhs, hair is a symbol of love for God and respect for everything he has given us. Although I kept my mane for fifteen years, I no longer harbored dreams of split ends and being called “blue avatar.” I wanted others to see the beauty and potential in me without assuming that they should pity me or think differently about me because of my
identity. I made a conscious surrender to myself as I slowly cut the beautifully unruly ends; as tears began to roll off my rose-colored cheeks, I could feel myself slowly drowning in guilt, like I had committed a felony and my hands were covered in blood. I owe this pain to growing up in an environment that values tradition over the individual. And now, though I wish it did not have to happen, I don’t exactly regret that it did. Even though I don’t follow this main tenant of Sikhism, I still go to gurdwara and serve others and do what is “right” because I continue to value the spirit behind this mandate; I guess in the regret of losing, I won my distinct identity. In a way it changed me –made me into a cultural felon –and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There is always a kind of glory, however stained or obscured, in whatever I do: whether I overcome something, afraid, while not knowing what I am afraid of or find wry satisfaction in breaking fixed tradition. It is during these heart-wrenching moments that I truly create who I am.
Society considers divorce as a failure and a destruction to a family unit when in reality divorce should be considered normal considering that the majority of families are blended or single parent homes. Barbara Kingsolver, an american novelist and essayist states her thoughts about divorce, blended and broken families in her essay titled “Stone Soup.” She argues that no family is perfect and that all families have problems. She uses examples, statistics and metaphors to persuade her readers of what a true family is. She informs us based on her own life experiences: her values, changes, and choices which ended in her divorce.
In this millennial it is very common to see a divided family. People get married, discover their differences and often divorce. Yet, with divorce comes many decisions and often a messy outcome. While this may take a toll on a family, remarriage is another issue of it’s own. “Step parents” is what they call them; although no one is quit sure what the word “step” truly insinuates. The sacristy of a marriage and the bond of a family is metaphorically protected by the beamed structure of a home. It isn’t until you read “Stepdaughters” by Max Apple that you catch a glimpse of the interior complications and obstacles, divorced families often face. The author seamlessly paints the very common mother and teenage daughter tension many families endure. Yet, the story is uniquely told by “stepfather number three trying to stay on the sideline” (132). The author focuses on a few issues that a family (divorced or not) may face: overbearing control, lack of trust, and unwanted change. He does this, by use of temporal setting – the dreaded teenage years – and situation – the exhausted disagreement between the mother and daughter.
Schwartz, Lita. Painful Partings: Divorce and its Aftermath. New York: John Wiley and Sons, 1997.
The main issue in this poem, divorce is a common problem that damages everyone involved in its circumstances. However, in the very first line, the narrator declares, without shame, that he or she was glad when his or her parents got divorced. This strange feeling is not often associated with kids when their parents split; the feeling is usually one of remorse and sadness. This strange feeling is made reasonable as it is indicated that her mother “took it and took it in silence”—a rather dark selection of words which suggest that the father is the source of the family’s difficulties (1-2). The father’s departure is even compared to the departure of one arguably the most hated president in the history of America revealing that the children and mother had no desire for him to stay. Furthermore, the speaker elaborates on the father’s problems after
1.) Intro: I decided to focus my Religious Ethnography on a friend whom I recently have become close with. Adhita Sahai is my friend’s name, which she later told me her first name meant “scholar.” I choose to observe and interview Adhita, after she invited me to her home after hearing about my assignment. I was very humbled that she was open to this, because not only was it a great opportunity for this paper, but it also helped me get to know Adhita better. I took a rather general approach to the religious questions that I proposed to the Sahai family because I didn’t want to push to deep, I could tell Hinduism is extremely important to this family. Because this family does not attend a religious site where they worship, I instead listened to how they do this at home as a family instead.
Fisher, Mary Pat. "Chapter 5: Buddhsim." Living Religions. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson/Prentice-Hall, 2005. 150-62. Print.
Each month our educational center section provides the Hinduism Today staff with a 'kind of group meditation. Individually we ponder our subject, and together we discuss it in detail. These past 30 days our meditation was on death. You might think we had a morbid March. Not so, since, as U.S. General George Patton rightly noted, "For Hindus death is the most exalted experience of life."
Zimiles, H. (2004). Schismatic studies of divorce: Essay reviews of for better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered by e.m. hetherington and j. kelly and of the unexpected legacy of divorce by j.s. wallerstein, j.m. lewis and s. blakesfee. Human development, 47(4), 239-250.
Marano, Hara Estroff. "Children of Divorce: 25 Years Later." USA Weekend. Sept. 15-17 2000: 16-17. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 04 May. 2014.
Coltrane, Scott, and Michele Adams. "The Social Construction of the Divorce "Problem": Morality, Child Victims, and the Politics of Gender." Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 363-72. Print.
Graham Blaine Jr. who is the Chief of Psychiatry at Harvard University health services writes a chapter in the book Explaining Divorce to Children. This chapter is entitled “The Effect of Divorce upon the Personality Development of Children and Youth.” He addresses this chapter to parents who are considering getting a divorce or are in the middle of the divorce process. The author uses a combination of Ethos and Pathos to support his theory on divorce. Blaine uses these strategies to highlight the mixed emotions a child may endure while going through such a confusing stage of their early lives. This then gives the audience a better understanding of the certain personalities children may gain while coping with sad situation of split parents. He also draws on his experience as a psychiatrist to give statistics as well as true stories to back up his reasoning.
In the impoverished imagination of the multiculturalist, all those who do not belong by birth to the predominant culture are engaged in a united struggle against its oppressive and illegitimate hegemony.” Dalrymple is explaining that with the increasingly pluralistic character of modern Western society there is an increasing belief that all cultural traditions and perspectives represented in the public deserve to be heard at every level. However all those who do not belong to the ‘dominant Western culture’ are living on the fringes of society. In order for multicultural coexistence to work it requires goodwill from all parties. It requires tolerance towards other’s religious and moral values to an extent. Religious tolerance is not a value universally admired within the immigrant cultures of showcased Indian families. A Muslim patient of Dalrymple had fallen in love with a young Sikh boy. Once the Muslim girl’s family found out about the relationship its outcome resulted in violence. The Sikh boy was machete and forced into hiding by the Muslim’s girl’s brothers. Although the brothers were tried in court and regarded as delinquents to the rest of society, the members of their community thought the girl’s brothers behaved in an honorable and decent way. They had broken the law in pursuing their blood feud and risking
The propensity for violence is caused by many reasons. Including the violence caused by the psychologically health, the lack of morality and the violence state under unconscious. There is an old saying in China: Like father, like son. I believe that the family education and environment is very important to children, it will affect to them for whole life just like the old saying.
Nesbitt, E. (2002). The body in Sikh religion. In S. Coakley (Eds.), Religion and the Body (pp. 289-305). UK: Cambridge, Cambridge University Press.
It was dark that night, I was nervous that this dreadful day was going to get worse. Sunday, October 23, 1998 I wanted to start writing this to tell about the weird things i’m starting to see in this new neighborhood. Gradually I keep seeing pots and pans on the sink suddenly move to the floor. I would ask my sister but she is out with my mom and dad getting the Halloween costumes. When they got home I didn’t tell them what I saw because i've seen Halloween movies and I have to have dissimulation otherwise the ghost will come out and get me first. October 24, 1998 I think I got a little nervous yesterday with the whole ghost thing. 12:32pm, Went to eat lunch with the family today and I go to get my coat. I heard the words furious and madness,