Personal Narrative: My Experience In Ohio

I was in Ohio when I first came to America as an Chinese exchange student, I live in a little town surrounded by endless corn fields, basically in the middle of nowhere. I went to a small public high school, which has only 2 Chinese students, including me. All of a sudden my world is completely changed, nothing from my old days is left, and I’m totally not ready for that. I got so homesick, I began to miss everything about China, people, food, and of course, language. That’s probably the reason why I was so eager to speak Chinese every time I meet the other Chinese girl.

It feels so good to speak your native tongue when you are in a brand new country that you barely know anything about alone by yourself. We talked about everything, but mostly about our memory in China, how ugly our school uniform is, how bad the food in the school cafeteria tasted and how tedious our math class was. I never realized our little conversation can possibly hurt anybody’s feeling.

One day I was

in the car with my host mother and two other girls—the Chinese student, and another exchange student from Thailand. I was kind of upset that day, overwhelmed by all the things I have to get used to, so when I sat in the back seat with that Chinese girl, I felt like it is a great chance for me to pour things out. And so we start our little conversation again. We did our best to keep our voice down so other people won’t be disturbed. Nonetheless, my host mom still stopped and scolded us in the middle of our conversation.
“ You guys are being really rude and disrespectful. Have you ever think about how that will make me and she feel? I know you miss your home. I know you want to speak Chinese. If you guys want to talk in Chinese whatever you want when you are alone, but right now you are not. When you are talking in a language that I don’t understand in front of me, I feel like you are talking about something you don’t want me to know, I feel like you are trash talking about me. “
We were left speechless after her long speech. It was so awkward, even for the third girl. We both apologized, but that was only trying to be polite. I got so mad at the moment, but after I calmed down and really thought about this. I had to admit that what she said does make sense. If I were her or the Thai girl, I definitely won’t feel comfortable just because the fact that I can’t understand what the other people in the car are talking about. Not to mention that we did talk about things that I don’t want my host mom to know.
So I try not to talk in Chinese in front of others ever since.

It was easy to do back then, since there were only 2 people who speak Chinese in the whole school. But after I came to Shoreline, things have changed. A diverse college like Shoreline is so much different from that public high school in Ohio. You can hear Chinese all around the campus, as well as almost all the other languages you can think of. Hearing language you don’t know is the kind of thing that you will meet on a daily basis. I’m surprised by how many people use their native tongue in front of people and how people can jump to their native tongue in the middle of a conversation, even when a foreigner is among them. And what’s more, that foreigner doesn’t seem to be bothered by this at all. The experience here makes me rethink about my attitude toward speaking other languages in front of people. Am I overreacting? Am I making this too big of a deal? Is speaking native tongue in front of people who don’t know it rude or

not?
Now I have been in this kind of situation a couple times. When I am with a group of friends speaking language I don’t understand, I have a feeling that there is no way for me to get into this conversation, I feel unwelcome in the conversation. I know that’s not what my friends want me to feel, but I just can’t help to have that feeling. I also asked some friends about this, and found them all get somehow uncomfortable in this kind of situation. Most of them said they won’t really get offended by this, it was understandable to want to speak in one’s native tongue, nevertheless, an uncomfortable feeling is inevitable.
People use their native tongues for all sorts of reasons. They do use it sometimes so that people won’t know what they are talking about, but that’s not the majority. In another case, people use other languages to explain things to non-native speakers so that they can be included in the conversation. In most cases, people use their native tongue just because it is easier for them— they talk about food, events, clothes, or other things about their hometown, or even anything they feel more comfortable to express in their native tongue. In this case, it seems reasonable for them to do so. If they are not doing anything offensive to anybody, who can blame them for using language they feel more comfortable to speak? But to look into this, I still want to divide this case into 2 types— People that are not very good with English, can’t express their feelings unless they use their native tongue, and people who are more comfortable with English, and use their native tongue just because they want to (Note that I use English as a universal language here, but things can be changed in a different place). Having to use native tongue is one thing, wanting to use native tongue in a totally different thing. The point is, people always have a second choice in the second case, and that’s where all the problems arise. I think most international students here are very good in English, maybe not as good as their native tongue, but it’s good enough to get their point across. So I would say that most cases here should be marked as the “more comfortable with English” type. In most cases, it’s up to the students that whether they want to use their native tongue or not. But to make a judgement about this, we still have to look at the consequences.
Different people might react very differently when facing this kind of situation. It’s very personal and subjective. Some people may get really offended and deem it an act of disrespect, like my host mother. Some people may feel a little uncomfortable, like most of my friends. Others may not even care about this. But in general, the act of using the native tongue in front of people conveys a subliminal, unexpressed message— we don’t need you in this conversation, we don’t need you to understand what we are talking about. Most of the time, the act itself is exclusive. It exclude people from the conversation no matter what that person’s reaction is.
I’m not trying to criticize those who use their native tongue in front of other people. It’s like finding a balance between the possible chance of offending other people and the desire to use the native tongue. There is never a right answer for this question, its depends on the person who speaks, the person who listens, the situation, etc. What I want to tell the non-English speakers is, try your best not to use your native tongue in front of other people, if you still want to use it, say something like “We were just talking about…” “ She said she really wants to…” so that other people won’t be a complete outsider in the conversation. Simple acts like won’t hurt anybody, it’s so easy to do and can be really helpful for others. And for those native English speakers, I want them to understand the reason why people would use their native tongue, so they can know, that people are not trying to exclude them from the conversation, then they may not feel less uncomfortable when they are in this situation next time.