Parenting In A Thousand Splendid Suns

There are several examples in A Thousand Splendid Suns of how parenting affects the characters in the novel. The way the parents treat each of their children and their views that they obtain play a vital role in how the children in the book develop. There are obvious reflections of the parents in the characters that you can see throughout the course of this novel.

The way a parent treats their child and the rest of their children will affect how that child views them. There are evident examples of this in the novel. The way Nana treats Mariam very clearly affects the way she feels about her as well as the contrast of the relationship between her and her father Jalil. In the beginning of the novel in the first chapter it tells about how Mariam

and how she has broken one of her mother’s favorite bowls and she begins to scold her with harsh words, using one in particular, harami, which means bastard child. This word gets imprinted in Mariam’s mind and although she is only five at this time and doesn’t understand what it means she remembers it and she knows that it’s something hurtful. The novel goes on to say from Mariam’s point of view that as she grows older she now understands what the word means, “She understood then what Nana meant, that a harami was an unwanted thing; that she, Mariam, was an illegitimate person who would never have legitimate claim to the things other people had, things such as love, family, home acceptance.” (Hosseini, 4) Just like in this case with Mariam parents all over the world have different ways of talking to their children especially when scolding them. It is important to be extremely careful when disciplining children because the things they say can stay etched in the child’s brain. In chapter two Nana describes to Mariam again how she was born. She explains that she had no help and had her on the floor and all while she is telling her this story she makes it seem as if it was all Mariam’s fault. Mariam continuously apologies, “It did not occur to young Mariam to ponder the unfairness of apologizing for the manner of her own birth.” (Hosseini, 11) Nana made it seem like her painful birth was her child’s fault when it is ridiculous that it was. In contrast to how her mother treats her, Mariam’s father, Jaili treats her almost completely opposite. Jalil made Mariam happy and she loved him truly and deeply and she believed that he cared deeply for her as well. He brought her gifts and told her that she was beautiful it made Mariam actually feel loved, “The truth was that around Jalil, Mariam didn’t feel at all like a harami. For an hour or two every Thursday, when Jalil came to see her all smiles and gifts and endearments, Mariam felt deserving of all the beauty and bounty that life had to give. And for this Mariam loved Jalil.” (Hosseini, 5) Mariam admires Jalil for treating her with kindness unlike Nana but Nana disagrees and laughs at many things Jalil does for Mariam. She always finds ways for Mariam to feel bad about the things that Jalil tells her. For example, in chapter one it describes a day when Jalil is with Mariam and he tells her how these kids had gotten free ice cream at a concession stand where he worked, later after he had left Nana makes a remark to Mariam, “The children of strangers get ice cream. What do you get, Mariam? Stories of ice cream.” (Hosseini, 6) Through the beginning of the novel you see that Nana tries to prove to Mariam that she loves and cares for her more than Jalil and that's all she is trying to do is prepare her for the future and make her mature so that she can endure the real world. Not only is this in the novel, but you see this in parenting today. Parents try to prepare their children for the future and make them mature that sometimes they forget that showing their child that they love them is highly important as well. In chapter five Mariam tells Jalil that she wants to go see a movie with him. Nana gets furious at this and begins scolding Mariam and tells her hurtful things, “Of all the daughters I could have had, why did God give me an ungrateful one like you? Everything I endured for you! How dare you! How dare you abandon me like this, you treacherous little harami!” (Hosseini, 27) At the end of chapter five Mariam comes home to see that Nana has hung herself. No one can really tell the exact reason she has done it, but it does give perspective on how Nana felt about her life and the meaning of everything.
The relationship between Mariam, Nana and Jalil and the outcome of it is one of many evident examples of the importance of parental roles in A Thousand Splendid Suns.
Secondly we have the relationship between Laila and her mother, Mammy.

In the second part of the novel it explains the story of Laila and her family. Laila’s mother does not seem to be bothered with her much. It tells about how she forgot to pick her up from school one day and a couple of boys squirted her with a toy gun filled with pee. Laila comes home and she wakes her mother up and tells her what has happened, she barely seems worried. This happens often in parenting. A lot of times parents can be swamped with things in their own lives that they can forget about things that go on in their children’s lives. This incident angered Laila as she thought about it, “Of course, it wouldn't have happened if Mammy had shown up like she was supposed to either. Sometimes Laila wondered why Mammy had even bothered having her. People, she believed now, shouldn't be allowed to have new children if they'd already given away all their love to their old ones. It wasn't fair. A fit of anger claimed her.” (Hosseini, 118-119) Mammy always seemed distant to Laila and Laila always ponders this. She thought about how her mother and father fought and how her mother might love her brothers more than she loves her. Then the incident happens and she is now almost certain that she does. Her brothers are killed in war and her mother becomes depressed. This breaks the family and now Laila is even more distant from her mother. Things like this can cause devastation to a family and it can make things different between them, just as it is in Laila’s family. Laila remembers what it was like to have the family happy and all enjoying each other’s company, “Laila's favorite part of Mammy's good days was when Babi came home, when she and Mammy looked up from the board and grinned at him with brown teeth. A gust of contentment puffed through the room then, and Laila caught a momentary glimpse of the tenderness, the romance, that had once bound her parents back when this house had been crowded and

noisy and cheerful.” (Hosseini, 119) She can see that her mother has given up on trying, it would all be part of a tedious routine. Mammy is now depressed and everything is done with no emotion, “So it would begin. The obligatory questions, the perfunctory answers. Both pretending. Unenthusiastic partners, the two of them, in this tired old dance.” (Hosseini, 123) A mother that loses a child let alone two can become a completely different person. Her mood changed and the way she functions changes, “When a woman loses her child -- whether it be a baby who died in the womb or one who was 40 years old -- a part of her dies as well.” (Mary Beth Adomaitis, "Grieving the Loss of a Child") Mammy talks to Laila about Ahmad and Noor and how great they were and how they were going to achieve great things and already had. Laila would listen but she would think about why Mammy could not talk about her the way she talked about her brothers, “Laila lay there and listened, wishing Mammy would notice that she, Laila, hadn't become shaheed, that she was alive, here, in bed with her, that she had hopes and a future. But Laila knew that her future was no match for her brothers' past. They had overshadowed her in life. They would obliterate her in death. Mammy was now the curator of their lives' museum and she, Laila, a mere visitor. A receptacle for their myths. The Parchment on which Mammy meant to ink their legends.” (Hosseini, 142) Laila wants to mean more to her mother but she knows that she never can mean as much as her brothers did. It is hard for a child to know that their mother does not love them more than she loves her other children. Laila clearly sees the indifference Mammy has for her, sure she loves her but Laila can see that she can never live up to how her mother saw her brothers.