Identity in ‘Who Will Light the Incense When Mother is Gone’
Who am I? A question that many Americans ask themselves daily. In today’s world, we are constantly being thrown new ideas. At our fingertips, we have access to millions of people, to the way they live, and to who THEY are. It is easy and common to begin to question your own values and beliefs with so much exposure. In the world our parents lived in, things were much simpler. For many of them finding themselves was a matter of simply inheriting the values and traditions of their parents and community. In the essay ‘who will light the incense when my mother is gone’, Andrew Lam shows the struggles he faces when he is brought up a different way than his parents. He explores the inner
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turmoil he deals with in trying to unravel what his identity is when he is stuck in the middle of two very distinct worlds, and in the consequences, he faces when he chooses to rebel against the culture he was raised in. The author, Andrew Lam, is the child of Vietnamese immigrants, who hold very strong cultural traditions as well as the Buddhist faith to which they show extreme piety.
At the beginning of the story, Lam tells the reader about a conversation he heard between his aunt and his mother. His mother asked his aunt, “Who will light incense to the dead when I’m gone?, to which his aunt responded, “Honestly, I don’t know. None of my children will do it, and we can forget the grandchildren. They don’t even understand what we are doing when we pray to the dead. I guess when we’re gone, the ritual end”(Lam 1). At first, the reader may be confused as to what the mother is talking about, but as they read on it becomes increasingly the clear that the lighting of the incense refers to a very traditional practice in which the Vietnamese pray to their deceased ancestors. More importantly, the lighting of the incense represents lam’s mother's extreme devotion to their culture and …show more content…
traditions Upon hearing this Lam is overcome with feelings of guilt.
When Lam was a child he was also just as devout to his traditions as his mother was. In his own words, he “paid obeisance to the dead, prayed for good health” (Lam 1). As Lam got older, he rejected his roots more and more. We see the theme of rebellion in Lam’s actions as grew up and gradually shed his Vietnamese roots. He speaks of one instance where he refused to speak Vietnamese, he told his mother that he was not going to use it when he moved out anyway. Acts like this demonstrate Lam’s desire to stand firm in his own, new beliefs. His new identity encompassed American culture. American culture is much more self-centered, less family oriented, and overall more concerned with your own success and prosperity. lam ‘s mother recognizes that, and we see that in the story. “America gave him too much freedom. America made him self-centered, introspective.”. Seeing her son change made her feel upset, she felt she was losing an aspect of herself. Lam feels that way about himself as well, we see it in the guilt he experiences upon hearing his mother's
question. Throughout the entire story, Lam’s true conflict is revealed. What is his real identity? As he ponders his mother’s question he realizes how far he has come from that small pious child. “Such is the price for living in America. I myself can’t remember the last time I lit incense sticks and talked to my dead ancestors. Having fled so far from Vietnam, I can no longer imagine what to say, or how I should address my prayers, or for that matter what promises I could possibly make to the long departed.” (Lam 1). Lam recognizes that he is no longer fully Vietnamese, his identity is not the same as mothers. He lives in a ‘world of travel and writing and public speaking” and she lives in ‘world of consulting the Vietnamese horoscope and eating vegetarian food when the moon is full, of attending Buddhist temple on the day of her parents’ death anniversary.” However, Lam also recognizes that his identity is not fully “American” either. Lam discusses how he continues traditions to an extent, but only to please his mother. Although it saddens him to know that he will not continue all of his mother's traditions, he finds comfort in knowing that that part of him has not died, Lam writes that though old traditions will die with his mother, new ones will live on through him. “Yet, if some rituals die, some others have only just begun. I am, after all, not a complete American brat, dear mother. Every morning I write, rendering memories into words. I write, going back further, invoking the past precisely because it is irretrievable. I write if only, in the end, to take leave.” He continues to grow his Vietnamese roots in distinct ways. Throughout this story we see Lam struggle with who he is,
Pham’s trip however has the opposite effect. He shows us the Vietnamese culture through the eyes of an assimilated Vietnamese American trying to get back in touch with his roots. He hopes to get in touch with his roots mostly through interaction via food. In Pham’s case that’s exactly what he does, with disastrous results bringing to light his inability to...
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Who is the birthday party a rite of passage for, the birthday boy or his mother?
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