My SANTA HERO: Why I Believe In My Hero?

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A struggling single father hopes to win a million dollar prize by entering a competition to replace an injured Santa, save Christmas, and impress his young daughter.

STORY COMMENTS

MY SANTA HERO is a family friendly, fantasy holiday tale. The goal of saving Christmas, his family, and winning a million dollars are clear. The emotional goal is trying to impress his young daughter and becoming her hero. The script explores the theme of believing in one’s self. There’s nice foreshadowing and there are solid pay offs.
Moreover, the story offers enjoyable and cheery characters that are easy to like, especially young Gabby who steals the show with her adorable spy in training antics.
While the idea of saving Christmas isn’t considered highly …show more content…

Consider adding a bit of romance between Grace and Rit. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but show more effectively their attraction to each other to give the story a bit more substance and motivation for her to help him at the end.
The idea of the amulet comes late in the structure and adds some confusion to the storyline. Either reconsider the amulet, or set it up at the crash. When Santa crashes, show the amulet glowing and then fading. Right now, it doesn’t feel like it flows well. It’s not really clear how this fits in or adds to the overall plot. It seems they just need to rescue Santa and reunite him with his reindeers and elves.
The climax feels a bit weak regarding “defeating” Nicklepinch. Consider using the hammer-style throw for knocking Nicklepinch down as he tries to flee.
After they defeat Nicklepinch, the end feels a bit drawn-out. Consider tightening.
As stated, the main strength is the character of Gabby. There’s a terrific and amusing introduction of young Gabby suspended from the ceiling. It’s a wonderful moment and it’s an amusing image. She shines as the wannabe spy. One immediately adores Gabby and her antics. However, make sure to also clarify and highlight Gabby’s inner struggle. Does she feel not believed? Does she feel neglected? What does she have to resolve …show more content…

He shares sweet chemistry with Gabby. Consider paying off at the end the lovely “take a lap.” His inner struggle is providing for Gabby and being the hero in her life. Make sure that this is understood. He faces a solid moral choice when he’s given the check for winning. This gives him depth. At the end, make sure he says something that conveys the message or emotional premise.
Santa can also deliver the message. Santa is a fun, iconic figure. One loves when he tells the bad guys about their naughty secrets.
Grace, as mentioned, has room for more development to make her a fully dimensional character. One likes when she tells Rit to employ mind, body, and will.
Nicklepinch is a bit derivative of a corrupt, comic-book type villain. He seems to be driven by greed and his motivation to hold Santa is that Santa wouldn’t agree to his plan to make money with a reality show. He works, but there’s room to find a unique flaw in him that makes him funnier and more distinctive.
George is a terrific comic relief character that delivers the laughs.
The dialogue reveals information about the characters and the plot. There are witty one-liners that are very

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