Five years ago today I was at one of the lowest points in my life. In my eyes, I was living the dream when in reality I was digging myself a deeper hole. From the time I woke up until the time I was sleeping I was fiending to be high and my days consisted of planning out how I was going to get high next. I was making a lot of bad choices with long term consequences, all the while, the only future I could see was the next weekend. Within five years I have gone through so many growing pains but they have kept me sober for three years. I am the person that usually does not look forward to change, but the trials that forced me to become a better person have helped me step out of my comfort zone and embrace that transition. The transformation that …show more content…
I had a crush on a guy at school, so I made sure I wore my good t-shirt and fixed my hair. Tumbling down the stairs, I saw my dad sitting in the living room with my older brother, which was an odd situation to see. There was a single chair open so I sat down at my dad’s request as he asked me, “Do you know why I am here?” Still confused I responded, “I have no idea,” and my dad proceeded with “Janelle, you are going to rehab today.” I sobbed out in tears that I had been doing better and had not taken any Xanax in two weeks. My parents did not accept my explanation and, the next thing I knew we were heading north in my mom’s Hyundai Sonata. During the ride my mom explained that the program was a co-ed, forty-five day program in Stephensville, Texas – also known as the middle of nowhere which happened to be a meth town. I received advice from my brother that I should think of rehab as a vacation, so I took that advice and planned to have a blast wreaking havoc in the forty-five days of …show more content…
In the haze of the morning I remember reflecting on the adventure-filled summer I had experienced: I traveled to the Upper Peninsula to hike Pictured Rocks, tubed down the Rifle River, spent weekends in Caseville at my grandparents, and hunted boar in Tennessee. There was so much more I had done so it was challenging to remember, plus every weekend I found myself going out to embark on new adventures. Being sober for three years, every year kept on getting better and every year seemed to fill up with more positive activities. I was already planning to attend my first Red Wings game with my brother; we decided to see the opening game against the Sharks. The next thing I prepared to cross off of my bucket list was snowboarding as it had been my dream since I was a kid. My mind trotted further into the past when I used drugs and I missed those times because I did not have a care in the world. The thoughts of all of the responsibilities I held upon my shoulders lead me to be tempted to go back to how my life used to be years ago. I shook my head and reminded myself that my past life was more depressing than it had been fun and this was the time to continue to tackle my
The freezing wind had chilled my hand to the bone. Even as I walked into my cabin, I shivered as if there was an invisible man shaking me. My ears, fingers, toes, and noes had turned into a pale purple, only starting to change color once I had made a fire and bundled myself in blankets like ancient Egyptians would do to their deceased Pharaohs. The once powdered snow on my head had solidified into a thin layer of ice. I changed out of the soaking wet clothes I was wearing and put on new dry ones. With each layer I became more excited to go out and start snowboarding. I headed for the lift with my board and my hand. Each step was a struggle with the thick suit of snow gear I was armored in.
Life wasn’t always so bad, or at least that’s what they told me. From what I remember of my child hoods great memories my family speaks so highly of, if there were any at all, are all clouded in my mind by the what I can remember my life being. At times I find myself going thru old pictures of when I was a child and think to myself. Why can't I remember this day? I looked to be a happy healthy baby then my heart turns in a cold way. Growing up to a parent addicted to drugs and alcohol is no way for a child to be raised. I had to grow up at an early age and didn’t truly get to experience life the way a child should. My family tells me Marquise you were so loved by so many people and your Mom tried to do the best she
Which each different time it put me in a depressed mood. Marijuana freaked me out like I was floating on a cloud and I just wanted it to stop, cocaine made me tired, ecstasy and molly made me feel like my heart was going to explode and alcohol gave me a headache. THROUGH all of that I knew I never wanted to feel like that again. It was all to see how a person gets addicted. How my own mother chose all that over me, how she chose men many different ones over me that eventfully led to her death. Thankfully with the right adoptive parents I found love and a family that I wouldn’t change for the world. My family currently thinks if I talked to a counselor and got this all out it would change my outlook on an intimate level and I wouldn’t be so afraid to let someone love me. Long story short I have the experience with all of it. My family has adopted nine kids totaling to ten kids, we all have the similar background and same problems whether it be- trust issues, learning disabilities, trauma. The system DCFS just bounces kids from homes to homes, schools to schools and kids still experience abuse of some sort and
For the 9 years that I have worked as a mental health support worker I have come across cases involving drug addiction and mental health. My passion to work with and help those in need of services grew over the years as I came to realize that with the right services and support, one can eventually become clean of drugs and reintegrate into society and live a normal life. I have been privileged to work with genuinely enthusiastic and caring colleagues who have enhanced my professional identity which makes me so proud to be part of a wider health care industry. I’m fortunate to have tremendous amount of sincere affection for service users and staff and this had made me resilient in adversity, and have a passion to want to do the right
I remained next to him in silence, listening to his incoherent mumbling and staring at his eye that was almost swollen-shut from falling. This is not how I had intended to start my spring break. I was angry more than anything. Angry at my dad for his actions, angry at myself for failing to stop things before they got this bad. Anger initially overrode the realization that my dad almost died from alcohol poisoning. The following morning my mom and I made it clear that he would no longer be accepted in the family if he didn't go to rehab. My dad had no way out of this. That morning was the best opportunity I had to change things, but combating addiction ultimately comes down to the person with the addiction changing. Seeing him in the hospital was my way of showing him that I still loved him, but at the same time would no longer put up with his
The time spent there became more about meeting family friends and going to dinners. Almost four years passed before I returned to the memory of getting lost in those woods. It was a week before the start to my junior year of high school, and I was visiting my grandparents in Virginia. One morning, after a very early breakfast and a promise to return promptly, I walked outside toward the woods. I walked aimlessly, remembering the similar trips I used to make in the forest upstate. I saw a young kid, eager to dirty his hands with exploration of the tangible world. I was older now, and my summer had been spent exploring a possible career path by interning at a financial services firm. A sudden thought crept slowly into my mind, piecing itself together before my
I was having a blast, a whole summer being at home with my friends. Until one day I got more that I bargained for.My friend, Caleb, and I were out surfing one day waiting for the tide to start rollin in. Then all of the sudden Caleb as knocked of his board. As I look around all I could see was the icy blue ocean take the appearance of a battle ground. I remember the scream that destroyed my soul. The shaking of the water coming from a man fighting for his life. I remember the words coming out of my mouth “Hey we should go surfing at Buffels bay today, it 's pretty goddamn rad there”. The feeling of guilt that took over my body, along with the fear of what will happen next. I remember the haunting image of a man missing his leg being taken away by the metal angel we call helicopters. A week later Caleb was alive, but was not left untouched like me. He was missing his left leg from the knee down, he was attacked by a great white shark. This was the moment that my life changed. I could never focus on the nightmare inducing screams, but I focused that how incredibly lucky I am to have walked away from this whole event unharmed. I focused on the fact that two months later Caleb was back into the ocean, something I could never
The book states “ As we experience living clean with its ups and downs, miracles and struggles, dead ends and open doors, we see the world more clearly and better understanding of our place in it”. It is important to remember that it is not where we have been that counts, but where we are going. We learn from out experience and we should use it to help others. The wisdom grows as we learn to see ourselves; without judging to conclusions. During the assignment I gained faith in myself to conquer over any obstacle. Growing up around drugs and alcohol was not important to me because my family never allowed children around while adults participated in their actions. Stability is important for us to thrive, but there is a difference between being stable and being stuck. Once our addictions takes over our time, mind, and value, we lose ourself. This assignment was needed because I picked up signs that helped distinguish serenity. I learned not to judge others, be ungrateful, and agitated with people with personal issues. Obstacles gave me a chance to challenge myself during the assignment. When we set goals for ourselves, we move toward them a day at a time, knowing that when we’re doing the rights things, the right things tend to
For the first few months, it wasn’t obvious to those around her that she had developed this addiction. When it finally became obvious to my father, he confronted her with treatment options that she continually refused. He turned to alcohol to escape the stresses of living with an addict. By this time I was three and my mother had turned to harder drugs. Life went on with my parents continuing to struggle with their addiction. The stress that this put on both of them slowly turned them both into abusive people. They began abusing each other, which eventually escalated to every night when my father came home from the bar and they would scream, throw dishes, and even hit each other. Just once, I decided that if I came downstairs and asked them to stop they just might realize how much listening to them fighting damaged my life, but instead of being understanding, my mother picked me up by my hair and threw me into our large living room window, I later found out that she was high on heroin that night. In November of 1999, my parents found out they were expecting another child and everything seemed to calm down for a
Nothing has changed my life more since the realization that I had to make who I was something that I chose, and not something that just happened. Since this revelation nothing seemed the same anymore, as though I could see the world through new eyes. It changed everything from my taste in music, literature, and movies. Things of a dark and pessimistic nature used to hold a strong allure for me, and yet I found much of things I once enjoyed didn't seem to entertain me anymore. I remembered the mental state that I once held and now seeing how I have changed, know that I can never return to the prison I came from.
My first memories of my father were what I now know as active addiction, I would watch the chaos in my house, the abuse, both mental and physical and at the time I didn’t understand but as time went on it was apparent, at the age of 11, my father hung himself, although he did not die he cut off oxygen to his brain long enough to render him blind and incompetent to care for himself and he was place in a nursing home where he would reside for the next 25 years of my life. I swore I would never do drugs because I saw firsthand the destruction, but my family addiction did not stop there. My aunt was a daily drinker, my uncle was addicted to heroin, another aunt addicted to crack
This was the turning point in my life. With an incomplete education on one hand, I was a lost soul, unaware of what to do or where to go. I ran into a group of people who claimed they could assist me out of this dark web I was now tangled in. They introduced me to drugs. Dosed with pills of heroin and cocaine, my life was tumbling downhill like a snowball, only gathering wrong as it rolled.
When I looked in the rearview mirror is when I knew it was all over. June 25, 2013 was the most tragic day in my life. It was not until that day that I realized how much I appreciate my life and my family. I was on the freeway headed towards the Galleria in Houston, TX, passing the tall Texaco building on this bright sunny afternoon, when everything went downhill. I remember seeing all of the cars in front of me have their bright red tail lights on because everyone was coming to a stop. As soon as I slowed down, I looked into my rearview mirror to see a beige car not slowing down at all but instead looking down at his phone texting, it was already too late for me to do anything. I felt as if my life were over and there was nothing anyone could do, I was sixteen years old when I had my first car accident. I learned that I should have stayed home the afternoon I got into my first car accident. That afternoon I remember gripping my steering wheel so tightly because I was so nervous about the car behind me that I could feel all of the ridges and grooves throughout my entire steering wheel and every indention in my steering
Some memories are best forgotten, but it takes courage to go through them. Often, I wish to forget the day when I almost lost my parents in a tragic car accident. As my world came crumbling down, I prayed and hoped that the nightmare would soon end. I endlessly fought the sense of helplessness, isolation and fear of the uncertainty. I was 19 and clueless. Nevertheless, I sailed through these dreadful days and welcomed my parents home after six long months. In the months that followed my parent’s return, I juggled between taking care of my parents, graduating college and adjusting to my new job. Almost 10 years later, this dark phase still has a phenomenal impact on me. Perhaps, because this specific experience transformed me into a grateful,
When I went to bed around 11 o’clock, I was crying, like I usually did, but this time was different. I couldn’t fall asleep and my cries got heavier. I began hyperventilating, which soon woke my little sister, who was sleeping in the bed above mine. She called out to see if I was ok, but I was unable to respond. She ran down the hall to my parents room and told them that something was wrong with me. My parents ran to my bedroom, which awakened my whole family. My mom was yelling at me to respond, but I couldn’t. I was paralyzed. There I was sitting in a ball on my bed, hyperventilating uncontrollably, with my family standing in a circle around me. They had no idea what was going on, and there was no way for me to tell them. My mom crawled into bed with me and the two of us just laid there. She was silent, just listening to my deep, powerful sobs. It took a long time for me to calm down. It had been 5 hours since I first went to bed. Around 4 o’clock was the time I was able to sit up and answer my mom’s questions with one word answers. we talked the rest of the morning, and I told her all about what had been happening for the past 7 months, except I left out the part about being suicidal. I couldn’t bear to tell my mom how bad I was, and that I never told her before.