Monologue About Funerals

823 Words2 Pages

Wind Chimes I sat down in the large, unfamiliar church pew. Right up in the front row. Absentmindedly fidgeting with the hem of my brand new black dress. I could still taste the salt on my lips; my tears freely flowing as the service progressed. I’d never been to a funeral before. The casket laying open in front of me. Surrounded by grieving friends and family. The sweet sound of “Amazing Grace” playing over and over. I thought I would be ready. Everyone says funerals bring closure, bring the joy of remembering a beautiful life, bring the surviving family closer and makes them stronger. “It gets better,” they say. But not when the person you lose is still alive, not when you have to see how their life moved on without you, not when you don't get the closure of the funeral. It doesn't get better. My grandfather’s death brought a whirlwind of questions. Why had a simple staph infection turned into a state of delirium? What happened? Why don't the doctors know what’s wrong? And I wasn’t the only one with questions. Nana didn’t know what or who to blame. She didn't even know the name of the disease that killed him — so she blamed whatever she could, whoever she could. Most convenient for her: my mom and me. We were not present for Papa’s actual death. We said our goodbyes the week before when it became apparent that he wouldn’t be …show more content…

I uncovered the presents hidden beneath the wrapping paper, but I couldn't seem to uncover the underlying truth to the situation I couldn't begin to understand. I desperately wanted to see Nana. To spend the snowy days sliding down the hill on trash can lids. To hear her light chuckle whenever I asked questions about Santa Claus — I was the only one of all my cousins who still believed. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to see us. Why didn't she want me? And at that point, I didn’t know the funeral would be the last time I would see

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