Mission Trip To Mexico: A Short Story

I often hear people talk about their purpose in life. The big questions: “What am I doing with my life?” and “why am I here?” seem to echo around me as a constant symphony. Although I still find myself pondering these questions, I know the answer. The answer came on a mission trip to Mexico. It had been a long day, and that evening we all came together in one of the larger rooms; it was simply decorated, but that night I actually took notice. A map took up most of the wall and was shaded red in the areas that had been unreached by Christianity. I was shocked to see how much of the world was red. My eye was then drawn to the verse painted next to the map: “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation” (Mark 16:15). Something happened inside of me at that moment – I knew what I needed to do – I had a purpose. I was twelve years old

when I discovered my purpose in life; it is this purpose that has shaped (charted) the trajectory of my life by bringing my seemingly very different passions together and teaching me how to vulnerably trust in God.
Although it was not until later that I could verbalize my purpose, my story really begins as a shy little ten-year-old. I was the classic example of an “awkward homeschooler;” I never spoke to anyone outside of my immediate family and friends, was scared to ask the lady for more ketchup at McDonalds, and would break down in tears when I had to present anything in front of my parents. Then one winter’s night, after watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in theatres for the fourth time, I sat down with my journal, inspired by the story I had just seen. I knew I wanted to be a part of that world, and I knew to do so I would have to act. Now for the ten-year-old I was, the thought of becoming an actress seemed absurd, and yet I was determined to make it my reality. Up until that point, all I had ever wanted to be was a missionary, but suddenly I had a dream. Not many were supportive of my dream and I had people tell me that I could not act and be a missionary, and yet my heart told me to do both.
Moving forward two years: I have not lost my desire to act, but I have not had any opportunities to do so in my small town and I am still painfully shy. At this point in my life, missions have become a normal occurrence, and I was under pressure as to how a missionary should operate. That spring I journeyed to Mexico as the youngest member of a haphazard team of youths. I spent much of my time contemplating who I was, as I was still in that uncomfortable middle school stage. Then one night I noticed the map in red, and the red shape of Africa stuck out to me. I have never forgotten the image of the “red Africa”. That was the moment that I knew I needed to take God’s love to the world, but even greater than that, I knew my purpose was to serve God.
The years continued with these two contrasting dreams growing inside of me. Acting shaped the way I approached life; Africa shaped the way I thought about life. Eighth grade year gently forced me out of my shell. I joined the drama group, and, even though I felt like throwing up beforehand, the moment I stepped on stage I felt at home. The confidence I gained by performing in front of audiences gave me a new assurance in who I was. Through theatre, I found my voice and I soon came to realize I was a very passionate individual. I had a dream I was passionate about, and my determination to succeed bled into other aspects of my life. When I stepped out on stage, I felt as if I could do anything, and this confidence has shaped the person I am today. I had opinions on everything, was passionate about life, felt deeply, and had my life planned out.
Even with theatre, my end goal was always Africa. I viewed life through the lens of mission and knew my purpose was to be a missionary; however, my desire to act seemed to conflict with my desire to go out on the mission field. It was clear that God gave me my love of acting; without God, I would never have the courage to step onto the stage, but it never occurred to me that my talents could be a part of my purpose. Just as I had started questioning my two dreams and concluded that they could never work in harmony, a missionary couple from South Africa challenged everything I had ever heard about missions. I had been taught that to be a missionary I would have to do something I did not like, therefore, not acting. My Christian culture seemed to emphasize the sacrifice and hardships of missions rather than the service through gifted abilities. This couple directly said that God gave a person gifts and passions for a reason and told us to use our talents to serve God. It was the first time that I was told, indirectly as it may be, “act for God.”
From that summer on, I fell more in love with Africa and pursued acting with an even greater resolve, because now I was not just acting for me. My two passions still raged a silent war inside of me, each one begging to be fully recognized, but throughout high school it did not matter much – I knew God would work it out. Even though the two desires vied for individual attention, they very much influenced one another. I convinced myself to participate in speech contests because the award money could help fund my Africa mission. Every time I stepped on stage it became my new mission, and I would pray that someone might see that it was God working through me.
The moments I failed miserably were the moments I allowed myself to think I could act of my own abilities. It was in these moments that I would fall to my knees, that scared little girl again, and be soberly reminded that my talents were not my own. I knew why I acted – for God, but a love for Africa ached within me. I questioned this, and so did many others around me. “Why, God, would you give me two conflicting desires? Acting has nothing to do with going to Africa – it does not even make sense!” This was a common prayer. I loved acting, it was my life, but I did everything with the thought of eventually going to Africa. I wrestled with these two desires not seeing how God could possibly use both of them. Looking back on my life, I clearly see how God has worked through these desires. The little girl who wanted to be a missionary and decided to act has molded the person I am today. Africa and acting are a part of me – it is who I am.
Fast forward a few more years and I am in my first year of college.

I had gone through some rough times the previous years and I had lost my passion for life; however, in doing so, I also lost my passion for missions and even the stage did not hold the excitement it once had. I felt like I was slowly suffocating, I could not feel, I could not love – I was lost because I had lost what created my identity. Over the course of that year, God worked on my heart and taught me what it meant to have passion again; He healed my heart and allowed me to feel again. Life once again held the adventure and I could once again feel deeply. This was a vulnerable time for me; I had been laid bare, my plans seemed to wash away, and I had to completely trust God with my life, and yet I still had Christians look doubtfully at me and my plans. God had to remind me repeatedly that His “love never fails, [and] it never runs out on me” (“One thing remains” – Passion). I did not understand how my life would look, but I knew God had a plan for me and I had to set aside my control and trust that God would work it out for His

good.
Even though I was walking closer with God, I still had moments of doubt. Second year of college rolls around and this time I have a plan. I was going to use acting to raise awareness for missions and the school I wanted to start in Africa. I came to Regent University prepared to see this plan come to fruition, but then I got scared. For the first time in nine years, I returned to that terrified ten-year-old wondering why I wanted to act. The questions bombarded me: “What is my purpose?” and “Why am I here?” I was frantic and scared as the very things that had formed the foundation of my life seemed to crumble away with these questions. I had no choice but to fall to my knees and cry out to God. I did not know what I was doing or why I was here, but God gently reminded me “His strength is greater than my weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:14). Once again, He patiently took my hand and reminded me of my purpose. When I am faced with those questions I know the answer: my life is a mission to serve God passionately in everything that I do, and to reach audiences with the truth of God’s dramatic and life-changing love “to the very ends of the earth” (Mark…).
The course of my life changed dramatically with my calling, and the years since have been a vulnerable time of learning to give control to God, but God has worked through my life to bring me closer to Him. I constantly doubt my purpose, but God constantly reminds me that my value is in Him. I do not see how God can work with my mess of a life and plans, but He tells me that He is able “to do immeasurably more than all [I] ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within [me]” (Ephesians 3:20). This is why I write this paper: to remind myself of all that God has done through my life even when I would have thought it impossible. I write this paper to remind myself why I do what I do: because God loved me enough to work something beautiful out of my broken mess. Through the years, walking a zigzagged line along God’s purpose, I have learned to trust God with my life because, no matter how impossible the odds may seem, my God is a God who overcomes.