Mate Selection Model

After learning about the different styles of love, types of love, and attachments, people start trying to find their “perfect” mate by following a mate selection process. This search could happen rapidly and unexpectedly or it can develop over time. There are six different components to the mate selection model including, personality traits, social support, beliefs and attitudes, partner interactions, satisfaction, and stability. Personality traits relate to the traits that the partners will bring to their relationship and how they effect it. From the personality trait stems social support (which goes straight to satisfaction) and beliefs and attitudes (which leads to partner interactions). Social support ties in the family and friends component

of a relationship and how they interact with each person in the relationship. Beliefs and attitudes refer to how the partners act about their partner or the relationship and how it works to either benefit or harm the relationship. Partner interaction shows how the two partners act towards one another. This all leads back to satisfaction, which is the amount of positive experiences that the partners experience to help their relationship flourish. The final stage is stability, which a couple achieves when they have successfully worked their way through the other steps. Psychologists have determined certain components that can help people to minimize their risk of finding the “wrong” partner. These factors consist of finding a person who is integrated into society (i.e school, employment, friends, and supportive communication), avoid heavy or risky drinking, and trying to find a partner who has lived with parents in a stable relationship. Along with these traits some people like to believe a few myths that are not true. These myths are “the right person will meet all my needs”, “I can change my partner”, “love will conquer all”, “we’ll live happily ever after”. If a person believes these myths they are not being realistic because nobody can meet one person’s every need, and the only person you can change is yourself. So try not to follow these myths if looking for a stable relationship, (Lamanna, Riedmann, Stewart, pp.108-132).
In cultures around the world, they experience marriage differently. This creates the marriage market, a concept that potential mates take stock of their personal and social characteristics and then comparison-shop or bargain for the best mate they can find. Marriage market can be used for any of the three types of marriage: arranged, assisted, or free choice. Arranged marriage is when family, tribe, or larger group brings the future couple together for a benefit to the whole group. In this marriage, the groom has to give money or property to the bride’s family in order to marry her, or there is a dowry, a sum of money or property the female brings to the marriage. Many people are more committed to making these relationship last because their family or other people rely on the relationship for economics or power, and it is not based solely on love. Love comes later if at all. Assisted marriage occurs when the family makes a suggestion for their children to marry, but the children agree with their family’s choice. This could happen in the modern time by having two families that are very close, and there is a boy and girl within the same age group and the families try to get the two children together. This could be a good relationship or it could cause more problems than a free-choice relationship. Free choice marriage is when the two partners choose each other and usually base their relationship on the idea of loving one another instead of to help support their families. Although the couple may choose each other they still may consult their family or friends for added support on if they are making the right choice, (Lamanna, Riedmann, Stewart, pp.108-132).
Following the marriage market is assortative mating, which goes along with mate selection but uses a different filtering process.

Sociologists define assortative mating as a filtering process in which individuals gradually narrow down their pool of eligible individuals for long-term committed relationships. The pool of eligibles is anyone who is unmarried or unpartnered looking for a mate. When people are trying to narrow down their mate selection they tend to follow a homogamy/ endogamy path opposed to a heterogamy/ exogamy path; however, not all relationships are homogamy. The difference between the two choices is that homogamy relationships share relatively the same social characteristics (i.e. race, age, education, religion, or social class) and endogamy is marrying within one’s own group or tribe. Where as heterogamy is marrying someone who has a different social characteristic and exogamy is marrying outside one’s own group or tribe. These four terms are used to describe every relationship because every relationship fits into one of these categories and depending on which category could change how stable the relationship will be. Homogamy relationships are set to be more stable than heterogamy relationships because they have more in common most time than people who are from different social characteristics, (Lamanna, Riedmann, Stewart, pp.108-132). According to Robert D. Mare, who did research on assortative mating over five decades, the amount of schooling that a

partner has compared to their other partner plays a tremendous role in whether their relationship will be a homogamy or a heterogamy relationship. Usually people who continue onto higher education will meet their spouse while attending school because colleges have students who are interested in the same major take courses together based on the curriculum, this could lead to bonding over similar projects, test, and stressful situations. However, as the years since graduation increase the likelihood of meeting a partner’s spouse with the same education levels decrease and the likelihood of heterogamy relationships increase. Another factor that increases the heterogamy in education levels is when “high school sweethearts” marry compared to “college sweethearts” and this is similar to the point above. People who go to college for the same major are studying the same information and can relate over this; however, people who fall in love while in high school may choose two different career paths. There is no right way or wrong way; both types of relationships can be successful. Over the years, as women began going to college to get an education the level of homogamy for education also increased because men and women were now both going to college to get educations and not just men, (Mare, pp. 15-16).
Some couples may marry into a interracial or interethnic marriage because their pool of eligibles is smaller in their own race. Due to the marriage squeeze, which is when there are more women than men so women can not find a man in their group to marry. The hardest heterogamy relationship is interfaith because many people who are very religious do not like to change their beliefs so the families could fight making it more stressful for the couple married, (Lamanna, Riedmann, Stewart, pp.108-132).
Other factors that affect peoples pool of eligible is geographic availability, physical attraction, personality, and then the final filter before marriage, which is engagement.

A couple that live close to each other is more common then finding a partner who lives across the country, this is known as propinquity. Propinquity is a majority of the way couples meet; however, now that the internet has become an important aspect of people’s lives they are more likely to meet people across the country by being on an on-line dating website. If this is the case, one or both partners need to be willing to relocate in order to continue the relationship. Physical attraction plays an important role in relationships because it helps couples develop passion. Most sociologist have a hard time developing research on this because it is both a social and biological factor that effects people. Although, they have discovered that most couples marry people with the same level of attractiveness. Personality could guide the way a relationship will go even when the couple marries. If the couple has any negative tones they will continue into marriage unless both partners are willing to work towards a more positive way of living. If the couple can make it through all of these filters, they will most likely advance to the final filtering stage called engagement. Engagement allows the couple to show each other and others how “serious” they both are about their relationship, (Lamanna, Riedmann, Stewart,

pp.108-132).