Korean Death And Dying Essay

Death and Dying in the Korean Culture

In 1981, an American family adopted my sister and me. At five years old, I was thrown into a strange new world with scary customs and weird looking people. My parents did what they could to acclimatize me to this new culture but to this day, I feel as though a part me is still missing. Eating my native Korean food satisfies a need that I have no words to describe but leaves me feeling as if a part of me becomes whole again even if it is just for an instant. I don’t remember much of my previous life before adoption , but each time I am exposed to my native culture validates that my personality and outlook on life is who I was born to be.
Being raised in both a Western and Asian culture, I can see the major differences in these cultures. To understand the Korean’s cultural view of death and dying, you must first understand the family structure. Even now in the twenty first

century, Koreans have a very strong familial hierarchy with males and elderly held in the highest esteem. Females may have “earned” more respect over the years, but the husband, father, or eldest son make the family decision-making. In any group gathering, respect is given to the eldest male then female by acknowledging them prior to acknowledging anyone else in that group. This is important because even when dealing with death, especially a serious illness, doctors will first inform the patriarch. From there the patriarch has the responsibility of informing the rest of the family. It is also acceptable to leave the patient out of these discussions. Koreans believe that to inform a sick family member of their impending death or even discussing after death care is disrespectful and ultimate diminish their quality of life. It is not surprising to find that the sick family member has no say in their medical care or after death care. The patient can express their desires but ultimately the final decision is left up to the patriarch.
Death in the Korean culture has several dimensions, such as the end of a painful period, the dispersion of existence for the deceased, the transmission to an afterlife world and finally the returning to “the original place, where all life began”. Common beliefs among Koreans are ancestral spirits and afterlife, mainly influenced by Buddhism. Lastly, the social status of the deceased is essential regarding the period of time that the bereavement and mourning will last; the higher the status of the deceased, the longer the mourning period. Ultimately, death is not an event to fear. Instead, the fear lies in whether or not a person has met their responsibilities to other before and after death occurs. Death itself is an extension of the world to which the decedent’s spirit will return (Yi, 2011), or that death is just the ultimate price of not living harmoniously with your body and spirit.
There are no specific rituals at the time of death, but families will want to be with their loved ones until the last moments. Donation of body parts, depending on religious beliefs, is usually declined. Confucian tradition teaches that damaging any part of the body is an act of disrespect for parents as the body comes from them. In this same regard, most Koreans would also decline an autopsy.
Korean funerals generally last three days. When a person dies, first the body is set in a straight position and covered in a white sheet. Then it is put behind a partition. In front of the partition, a small table is set up with a photo of the deceased and incenses. Then the person’s death is announced. Official notice of the funeral is sent out, and a sign is hung on the front door of the house.
First son of the deceased assumes the role of master of ceremonies. Traditionally he would wear clothing and a hat made out of hemp, but nowadays they simply wear a black suit and the hemp hat. The relatives of the dead are also supposed to wear hemp clothes, but that part is now generally omitted. Both the master of ceremony and relatives are supposed to wear a black ribbon either on the chest or on an arm, but now only the master of ceremony wears it.
On the second day, sangju arranges for cleaning of the body, which is usually done at a funeral home.

Koreans don’t embalm the dead. The body is cleaned and dressed – there is a traditional garb for the dead, but suits are commonplace in modern Korea.

After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket. The casket is again set behind a partition or a black curtain, and a table with the photo of the deceased, candles, and incense is set up. A black ribbon is put on the photo at this time. Sangju sits next to the table on a coarse mat – the mat is coarse because sangju must atone for the sin of allowing his parent to die.

Then is the time for visitors. Visitors wear black suits as American mourners would. Mourners first light a stick of incense at the table, bow at the table, then sangju and the guest bow at each other. Traditionally sangju, as a sinner, is supposed to remain quiet for the entire proceeding, but now they are allowed to say brief thanking words to the guests. As they are leaving, visitors leave the envelop with money in a designated

box.

On the morning of the third day, the casket leaves the house. Before it leaves, a short ceremony is held in the honor of the dead – if you were trying to find one ceremony called “funeral” in a Korean death ritual, this would be it. The personal history of the deceased is told, and people eulogize and offer incense.

Traditionally, sangju and his relatives carried the casket all the way to the burying ground, but now Koreans use a hearse. The casket is taken to a pre-arranged burial ground, which is near other family members' burial sites. (See picture.) Typically, an extended family owns a small mountain and sets up burial sites for the entire family, past, present and future. The Korean himself already knows where he will be buried when he dies. Believe it or not, the thought is somewhat comforting.

After the casket is lowered, sangju throws dirt on the casket three times. Then the grave is fully filled, and a little mound is built on top of the grave. The mound is then covered in grass. On the right bottom side of the mound, a small stone with the name of the dead is buried so that the grave can be identified even though the mound is eroded away. The tombstone is set up in front of the grave, and brief ceremony is held once again.

But technically, the official funeral is not over after 3 days. Sangju keeps wearing the black ribbon for 100 days; traditionally everyone who had to wear to hemp garb had to keep them on for 100 days, but that does not happen anymore. After 100 days, a memorial ceremony for the dead is held, and the funeral is finally over.