Petersen Book Review: Why Don't We Listen Better Listening is a vital and important part of communication. While speaking clearly and concisely is imperative, true listening is central to speaking with mindfulness and in the case of the counselor, this mindfulness has the possibility of leading clients to their own solutions to life’s tough circumstances. In his book, Petersen (2007) breaks down the communication cycle so that we can be aware of how we react when people share their emotions with us, and how to effectively communicate by listening and speaking in turn to build strong and supportive relationships, whether they are personal or professional. Summary According to Petersen (2007), communication begins in the stomach, travels to the heart, and ends in the brain. Each area provides a separate function: the stomach embraces feelings or emotions, the heart opens up to new ideas and finding the truth, while the brain offers a straightforward, logical, and rationalizing reaction to communication (Petersen, 2007, p. 11-12). This is the beginning foundation for what Petersen (2007) calls flat-brain communication. Metaphorically, emotional energy begins with what Peterson (2007) calls a “thud” and causes a feeling in the gut, such as anger, excitement, jealousy, or happiness. This feeling, whether it is positive or negative, grows and puts pressure on the heart, hardening it and closing the openness one may have earlier had towards what other people feel or ideas they may have. When the heart hardens, the brain becomes “flat” and causes the ears to become barred from hearing anything besides what is inside the mind. This process, called th... ... middle of paper ... ...d again delve into her own emotions, using my words to help her identify how she may be feeling, my client can put a name to what she is actually experiencing. While it may seem obvious to the listener, when under stress, people may not know what they are feeling, or how to deal with it. Self-confidence is built when a listener allows that person to find out for themselves how to proceed (Petersen, 2007). I have changed how I communicate on both ends of the spectrum: I am aware of how I speak and how I listen. As a counselor, I am able to help my clients find solutions on their own, and as a wife, mother and friend, I can be a thoughtful and caring person to live with and talk to. References Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships (1st ed.). Portland, OR: Petersen.
Beebe, Steven A., Susan J. Beebe, and Mark V. Redmond. "Understanding Self and Others." Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others. Boston: Allyn and Bacon/Pearson, 2009. 43. Print.
Stickley, T. & Freshwater, D. (2006). “The Art of Listening to the Therapeutic Relationship” Journal of Mental health Practice. 9 (5) pp12 - 18.
The counselling process is one that may last for as little as one session or for years, it is within the middles stages of the helping relationship that particular counselling skills such as a focusing, challenging and immediacy can be implemented, as well as use of advanced empathy that can be applied due to increased familiarity with a speaker. Many actions may occur within middles stage of the helping relationship such as transitions that occur for a multitude of reasons and the outcome of which can vary based on the attitude of the speaker. Self-awareness remains vital throughout the entire counselling relationship due to the continual influence of empathy in the helping relationship and remaining aware my own motives and values when using advanced empathy and specific counselling skills. Ethics and boundaries are also involved within the counselling process as within a counselling relationship, I as the counsellor, must be careful with the balance or expenditure of power when challenging.
Counseling skills has provided me with a valuable insight into the helping relationship and how it is both created and maintained in order to encourage growth and development in the client. The factors involved within the helping relationship include considering Roger’s core conditions, congruence, unconditional positive regard and empathy as the three main characteristics necessary in a helping relationship. In order to fully incorporate all three of Roger’s core conditions, I as the counselor must be self-aware, as a lack of self-awareness may inhibit truly listening and understanding the client; self-awareness can be enhanced through exercises such as Johari’s window. Counseling skills such as body language and active listening also plays a role within encouraging the client to open up and can help me as the counselor convey empathy.
Bylund, C., Peterson, E., & Cameron, K. (2011). A practitioner’s guide to interpersonal communication theory: An overview and exploration of selected theories. Patient Education and Counselling. Volume 87. Issue 3. Pages 261- 267. doi: 10.1016/j.pec.2011.10.006.
This classic love story describes how people can change once they interact with other people. Moreover, this is an example of how human beings in general need interaction to be normal functioning citizens of society. Having relationships, can make a person feel better about him and can possibly revolutionize or emerge a personality that was quiescent due to lack of interaction. This video demonstrates many facets of interpersonal communication.
It is very important to listen and pay attention because as a Counselor you do not want to miss out on any important information that can help determine the root of the problem. I also find that being a good listener is one of my strengths as well as being compassionate, open-minded, and sympathetic. I overcame many personal hardships in my life, and because of those hardships I am a stronger person, with a positive outlook on life that can help make a difference in someone. One of my personal characteristics that I feel that I need to improve on is that I become too emotionally involved because I care about those I will work with. I want to be able to do my job without my emotions getting in the way. The best way to do that is to learn strategies and techniques to help me improve. I am willing to learn and work hard to make sure I become a qualified professional for this
This reflective essay has critically reviewed my personal and professional skills that are essential for communication and developing positive relationships with others. It has discussed the skills identified in the skills audit that I needed more confidence in for communication and effective relationships. It has finally linked two communication theories to both skills
As a professional in today’s society, it is greatly important to be able to communicate effectively with other professionals, with clients, and with those that are encountered in daily living. In order to communicate in a proper manner, not only is talking and non-verbal communication, but a large aspect is the ability to listen. Listening is a vital task in order to build a relationship and find meaning in someone else’s words. In order to find this meaning one must follow the characteristics of active listening, face the challenges to listening, and reflect upon one’s own listening skills.
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.
The session commenced with proficient use of active listening skills, which helped in exploring the issues and concerns of my client. Active listening is a process where the counsellor can communicate verbally and non-verbally in a way that allows their client to feel understood and heard, while also having their stories and emotional feel validated (Egan, 2014). For example, when my client said, “Sometimes I feel I like I end up prioritizing my love life or my job or something else entirely over my university work….” I replied by nodding my head and saying, “Mmm-hmm”, and she continued sharing her concerns. This example indicates effective use of active listening skills as it encouraged my client to continue her story without interruptions and also
The first point Mitton makes in this chapter is that we should not undervalue the importance of listening. Mitton opens this chapter of his book with a story about a girl who was planning to commit suicide but after talking with her therapist decided to change her mind because “a world in which someone was prepared to listen to another’s distress seemed to her one in which it was worthwhile to live.” Listening attentively can be distressing but this story clarifies for us the importance of being a good listener.
Gibson, Swartz & Sandenbergh 2002. Listening deeply. In Counselling and Coping. Cape Town: Oxford University Press Southern Africa: 21
Communication is one of the most important factors in our lives. It dictates the relationships formed with the individuals in personal and professional lives. Effective communication provides a foundation for trust and respect to grow. It also helps better understand a person and the context of the conversation. Individuals often believe that their communication skills are much better than what they actually are. Communication appears effortless; however, much of what two people discuss gets misunderstood, thus leading to conflicts and distress. To communicate effectively, one must understand the emotion behind the information being said. Knowing how to communicate effectively can improve relationships one has at home, work and in social affairs. Understanding communication skills such as; listening, non-verbal communication and managing stress can help better the relationships one has with others.