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How grief changes your life essay
Personal essay on grief
Personal essay on grief
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Having come so far through our loss and grief, we have gained something. There comes a special calmness and depth to our soul that we never knew before. This calmness is not something we wish for anyone because it is born of terrible hurt and pain. We are able to smile again now – perhaps not as bright and innocent as it once was – but smile all the same. In losing the innocence we once had we have gained a compassion and gentle strength that would never have been gained any other way. We now have a unique perspective on grief that we are able to use to help others. When a person has experienced the kind of grief that seems to kidnap our souls, we can minister in a more compassionate way to those who are hurting. When those who have been broken and healed speak to a broken heart it is like giving nourishment to a starving child. There is a depth to our words that seems to pour a healing balm into their wounds. We who have felt the sting of grief, who have experienced the pain of loss, are often the best at helping others. It’s important to have a good understanding of the stages of grief. Knowing these stages will help you in ministering to those who are in the midst of their grief. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 describes this saying, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” We can relate to the pain others are feeling, because we have experienced pain too. It may not be exactly like our grief journey, but the pain is similar. The next few pages will give you some tools to help others work through ... ... middle of paper ... ... one may not work for another. The important thing is to be available to the person who is grieving, and encourage them to find the things that work for and help them. People tend to fall into routines. Sometimes that is a good thing. However it may be that if a person gets stuck in a routine they will not be able to move forward in their grief journey. It is important to continue making progress and grieving the loss. If a person seems to be stuck, encourage them to try something different. This book is full of suggestions of different things to try. Thank you for taking the time to read this resource. My prayer is it will be used to minister to the broken hearted, and those whose spirit has been hurt – who feel like grief has kidnapped their soul. May God use you to minister to them and love them as Christ loved the Church. God bless you gentle reader.
Jerry Sittser’s book not only brings readers into loss with all its real emotions and pain but it also highlights truths that can be applied to anyone’s life. Sittser’s faith is evident throughout the book and his struggle of finding his faith within his loss and sorrow is encouraging to many. In the end, through his loss, he finds God again and through the writing of his book is now able to offer many insights on the Christian perspectives of sorrow, loss, forgiveness and how mental illness affects families. Sittser inspires readers because they have witnessed that they can too grow and continue living life despite their loss and without forgetting their loss.
As I continued to chat with my pastor that day, I really sensed the hurt in his eyes – the anger that comes from an unsolvable injustice, the tiredness of a problem. “What’s wrong?” I finally asked, “Having a bad day?” Sensing that I was truly concerned, he let the truth be told. “I talked with a woman today whose baby died suddenly of unknown causes. As we worked through her grief, she talked about how numerous friends and family, even a religious leader had patted her on the back, shook their heads and said, ‘It was God’s will.’ I find few things worse to say to a grieving parent. Saying nothing at all would be of more help.” It was obvious from our conversation that he had an understanding greater than I about God’s will, and his insight created in me a curiosity and desire to learn more.
Grief alters people in dark ways, it makes them shut down and build a wall if they do not face it in a healthy method. Sometimes, individuals take baby steps to secure themselves in the fact they can’t bring back the
The grief therapist also has to identify the grieving style of the bereaved individual. There are two types of grieving styles a client can display intuitive and instrumental. Intuitive grievers communicate their feelings and want to share their grief experience with others (Winokuer & Harris, 2012, p. 88). In contrast, Instrumental grievers portray their grief cognitively and behaviorally via thoughts, self-reflection, and actions (Winokuer & Harris, 2012, p. 88). In Knowing the type of grief style the client shows can help the therapist decide what task or activities a client would benefit from. For instance, instrumental grievers may benefit from exercises such as journaling or writing letters to and from the deceased (narrative therapy).
Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Every individual grief is likely to be expressed physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression. It is very important to allow the client to express these feelings. Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied. At first it may be helpful
These kind-hearted individuals may be: psychotherapists, grief counselors, or simply a concerned acquaintance (Smith, 2014). Religion has been used for thousands of years to alleviate the misery of grief. Spiritual tasks such as: Bible reading, mediation, and prayer can provide a person with solace. Support groups are another excellent way to attain relief. A grieving support group is full of other people dealing with grief; every individual at the support group has the opportunity to share their own mourning experience.
Individually, everyone has their own methods of dealing with situations and emotions regardless of any positive or negative connotation affixed to them. One prime example of this comes with grief. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” suggests that there are five stages of mourning and grief that are universal and, at one point or another, experienced by people from all walks of life. These stages, in no particular order, are as follows: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. Each individual person works through these stages in different orders for varying levels of time and intensity, but most if not all are necessary to “move on.” In order for positive change to occur following a loss, one must come to terms with not only the event but also themselves.
I have felt the pain of the loss of a Sister; have felt the pain of the death of my Mother, and felt the death of my Father. I know how it feels. I experienced it. It is painful, looking at those old kind folks who bore you; who took care of you; went through all kinds of sacrifices and pains just to look after you for years and years, until one day the child stood on one’s own two feet, and then … there they are, the parents, helpless and lifeless in front of you.
... cooking or even doing extreme sports, can all be great solutions to someone coping with a loved one's loss. By doing all of these activities it will not allow a person's brain to wonder over into the grey area or think long and hard about the situations at hand. Also a person is liable to meet someone new that will not take the place of the person who has died, but will restore the happiness and joy to a person.
Everyone has or will experience a loss of a loved one sometime in their lives. It is all a part of the cycle of life and death. The ways each person copes with this loss may differ, but according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s novel On Death and Dying, a person experiences several stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance. There is no set time for a person to go through each stage because everyone experiences and copes with grief differently. However, everyone goes through the same general feelings of grief and loss. There are also sections in Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” that connect to the process of grieving: “On Pain,” “On Joy and Sorrow,” and “On Talking.” Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” reflects on Kübler-Ross’s model of the different stages of grief and loss.
It is common for those experiencing grief to deny the death altogether. Many people do this by avoiding situations and places that remind them of the deceased (Leming & Dickinson, 2016). However, by simply avoiding the topic of death and pain, the mourner only achieves temporary relief while in turn creating more permanent lasting agony (Rich, 2005). In this stage, mourners will begin to feel the full weight of the circumstance. Whether the death of a loved one was sudden or long-term, survivors will feel a full range of emotions, such as sadness, guilt, anger, frustration, hopelessness, or grief. While many of these emotions can cause serious suffering, it is important for the survivor to feel whatever emotions come up and deal with those feelings, rather than trying to suppress any
Everyone copes with grief in his or her own ways. Tracy K. Smith, the poet laureate of the United States and
People cope with the loss of a loved one in many ways. For some, the experience may lead to personal growth, even though it is a difficult and trying time. There is no right way of coping with death. The way a person grieves depends on the personality of that person and the relationship with the person who has died. How a person copes with grief is affected by the person's cultural and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems, and the person's social and financial status.
“It is perhaps in grief that we discover the force that carried us once again into incarnation, the reason we incarnated in the first place. It is in the tearing open of heart that we discover how guarded our lives have become, how small a cage we have traded off for safe ground. We see how our work is to be more loving, to live more fully in an often confusing world.”
Conclusively, it is noted that “Often the journey of aftermath of sudden death such as suicide is depicted as a descent into a valley, the bottom of the valley being the depth of sorrow. This valley is not the peaceful valley of rest, but one that comes as a result of tumbling down a deep emotional and spiritual incline and landing on a more troubled plateau for a time before ascending” (McCall 2004, 43) These words aptly describes the state of the aftermath of sudden death such as suicide, and as a direct consequence, the interventions that are employed to alleviate the pain of relational loss and grieving, must be adequately tailored in order to achieve the desired results. This will certainly assist in restoring the victim’s survivors to a state of balance or equilibrium.