Do extramarital affairs help or destroy a marriage? A lot of people say that having such affairs helped them solve the problems they had with their spouses, while other people’s marriages are destroyed by them. Do partners feel more comfortable in relationships outside their marriage and what could be the cause of that?
Studies conducted by Pittman, who argues that unfaithfulness is not normal or acceptable, have shown that first-time divorce occurs in the wake of an affair; yet its also Pittman that states that ’a crisis of infidelity can reawaken a petrified marriage and therapy can save the adulterous marriage’, something in total contradiction with our traditional culture. Which should we believe than? Studies by Atwater lead us to believe that the second possibility should be seriously considered; in interviewing women engaged in extramarital affairs, she found that over half of them had improved their relationships with their husbands as a result of the affair. The fact that their needs were being met outside the marriage caused a change in their behavior in the marriage, as one woman reported:
“Since I have this second relationship on-going, I have been able to draw my husband out more and get him to talk more... and to be more open in expressing my feelings with him.... I am slowly but surely trying to bring our relationship up to a level that meets more of my needs.”
The expressive area seems to be the most troubled one in these marriages, as the unfaithful wives sustained.
According to Atwater, extramarital relationships occur because “we are unrealistic about love and the ability of our spouse to satisfy all our sexual needs”. She concludes that there are five completely untrue myths that contribute to our faith in sexual exclusivity: one person will supply all of another’s emotional, social, and sexual needs people grow to love each other more through the years sexual exclusivity comes easily and naturally husbands and wives should be best friends extramarital affairs will destroy a marriage
But lets examine this situation from the men’s point of view as well. Women and men have different expectations in extramarital relationships and while women report that their affairs are less for sexual fulfillment and more for emotional support and companionship, the most frequent reason men give for being unfaithful is either sexual rejection by their wives or the boredom of having repeated sex with the same person.
Swift wants his readers to interpret his speaker as a kindhearted, sensible gentleman with a sincere concern for resolving problems for the Irish people. In the first eight paragraphs, the reader meets an affectionate man with precise insight into the predicament he will shortly address. By doing this, the speaker establishes himself up as someone who would not make an outrageous proposition. This makes his words even more effective.
Monogamy does not imply fidelity (Fisher 63), and marriage does not imply monogamy. To understand this surprising statement, the word "monogamy" must be interpreted in a biological sense, and marriage in a legal sense. In other words, monogamy is just two people in a relationship for their mutual benefit, perhaps involving an extended family and children. Monogamy does not necessarily mean a life-long relationship, but it can, nor does it exclude occasional philandering. It is monogamy as long as two people maintain a pair-bond for their mutual benefit, no matter how short the relationship lasts. Marriage, on the other hand, legally recognizes many different mating systems from monogamy to polygamy.
A man has been married to his wife for seven years. The couple has two beautiful children, a fabulous home, and appear to have the perfect marriage. After the husband leaves work one afternoon, he decides to stop in at the local bar. The man sits at a table in the corner of the room. Not long after his arrival, a woman approaches him. She asks the man if she can join him at his table. The two seem to have quite a bit in common and enjoy each other’s company. The woman asks if he would like to go back to her apartment. He has not had a fight with his wife today. In fact, she surprised him with a love note in his briefcase. Their sex life is enjoyable, frequent, and without complaint. The couple is not currently having financial problems. Despite this, why did the man decide to leave with a stranger and cheat on his wife? A great deal of research has been carried out on the topic of infidelity. Marital therapists have reported that more than half of the couples they counsel are in therapy as a result of infidelity (Atkins, Jacobson citation). Therapists also consider an extramarital affair as, “one of the most damaging relationship events and one of the most difficult problems to treat in couples therapy” (whisman predicting sexual infidelity…). Some therapists estimate that 50% to 65% of couples seek help after an incident of infidelity in their relationship (Atkins, Jacobson & Baucom). Identifying the reasons for this problem are essential to the success of its reduction. Infidelity is not a new phenomenon. However, there was little research on the topic until the late 1970’s (Drigotas & Barta, 2001). Numerous factors have been examined while trying to determine the root cause for extramarital relationships a...
Swift, Jonathan. “A Modest Proposal.” The Norton Anthology of English Literature. Gen. ed. Stephen Greenblatt. 9th ed. Vol. C. New York: Norton, 2012. 2633-39. Print.
Looking at the way Swift presents his argument, I can tell that Swift is a very creative person. He establishes this persona of an informative person of an informative person that doesn’t want this situation to end up happeni...
...urvival. Also, Swift points out the growing number of of Catholics being born into Ireland (Catholics not being well liked at the time) and suggests that eating the “popish” babies wouldn’t be so bad after all. Near the end of his proposal, Swift predicts counter-arguments and opposing ideas. To these he states that those who disagree need to have an open mind, and he quite simply rejects any alternative ideas, in favor of his own, as it is the only surefire way to fix the problem.
It’s a lot of responsibility. The best way to enter a marriage is by loving and respecting the future partner. Infidelity, either physical or emotional, is an indication of a disconnected marriage. According to an article by Susan K. Whitbourne in Psychology Today, the reasons that lead to infidelity are diverse; among them we can find lack of sexual satisfaction, lack of emotional satisfaction, or wanting emotional validation from someone else. All the exposed above could explain the situation of our protagonist, Ethan Frome. Setting aside the fact that he married Zeena for the wrong reasons, they did not share any interests or desires at all; this is why Ethan feels attracted to Mattie. “She had an eye to see and an ear to hear: he could show her things and tell her things, and taste the bliss of feeling that all he imparted left long reverberations and echoes he could wake at will.” (Wharton 29) In their special night, Ethan feels “…suffocated with a sense of well-being...” (Wharton 72) thanks to Mattie. Susan K. Whitbourne argues that “…seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy… being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each
Carpenter, C. J. (2012). Meta-analyses of sex differences in responses to sexual versus emotional infidelity: Men and women are more similar than different.Psychology of Women Quarterly, 36(1), 25-37.
Swift, having a child of his own, is not really advocating the termination of children; rather he is supporting and aiming for the fair treatment of the impoverished Irish.
Infidelity is depicted as an extremely negative thing in the United States, and is often blamed for trust issues, psychologically damaging the spouse and their children, tearing apart marriages and families and more. People who commit adultery are often shamed and told how wrong what they did is and what a terrible person they are for doing it. According to the Journal of Martial and Family by the Associated Press, however, 41% of “marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional.” Clearly, while infidelity is generally viewed negative by society, many people either decide that it is not as negative as it is portrayed, or do not care and do it anyway. “The Lady with the Pet Dog” and “The Storm” both go against the typical view of adultery being a negative thing in a relationship by showing that it can actually have a beneficial outcome and leave some, if not all people happier.
What causes male infidelity in a marriage? Many can say it’s the ‘mid-life-crisis’ that makes a man want to make life changing decisions. Another reason may be that the man is miserable in his marriage and instead of telling his spouse about what’s wrong, he cheats. For many of these spouses’ “no one cares about [this issue] until it happens to them in their marriage” (Schorr). Ironically, men can have an affair by just simply being bored in their marriage. The fact is just sad that those men in marriages get bored within a few years of being married after their honeymoon. A husband may sleep with another person besides their soul mate to escape frustration in their relationship because, they see no other way out of a marriage except for having
Despite these notable numbers, polyamory remains misunderstood and much maligned. Largely due to our unwarranted and yet seemingly unwavering faith in the sanctity of monogamy, polygamists often feel tremendous pressure to hide their private lives, for fear of losing the respect of friends and family. By creating a stigma around having multiple partners, we as a society are committing nothing less than discrimination. Despite all of the arguments that its opponents have hurled against the lifestyle, p...
Swift writes his motion with deliberate and honest tone, it 's with this tone that Swift makes his audience question the underlying comedic purpose of the essay. Swift uses this technique to express his frustration and disappointment with the lack of actual solutions to ireland’s economic crisis. Swift wants his reader to share in his dissatisfaction with the lack of solutions his nation has purposed
There was a time when more smart-conscious decisions were made relating to sexual relationships. In particular, sexual relationships within a marriage. However, times have changed. The pillars that hold up our individual sexual values have started to crumble. It is estimated that two out of three marriages fail due to infidelity. This is a scary statistic considering that people believe a marriage can survive infidelity. This brings us to our first myth: Everyone has affairs.
I awoke to the sun piercing through the screen of my tent while stretching my arms out wide to nudge my friend Alicia to wake up. “Finally!” I said to Alicia, the countdown is over. As I unzip the screen door and we climb out of our tent, I’m embraced with the aroma of campfire burritos that Alicia’s mom Nancy was preparing for us on her gargantuan skillet. While we wait for our breakfast to be finished, me and Alicia, as we do every morning, head to the front convenient store for our morning french vanilla cappuccino. On our walk back to the campsite we always take a short stroll along the lake shore to admire the incandescent sun as it shines over the gleaming dark blue water. This has become a tradition that we do every morning together