In the article "Sex, Lies and Conversation," Deborah Tannen discusses the differences in the ways men and women communicate. These differences seem to make it more difficult for men and women to fully understand each other. Communication tendencies are developed throughout a persons life. As young children, boys and girls tend to play with kids of their own age and gender. These children carry these communication habits into adulthood, sometimes making it hard to communicate with the opposite sex.
These sex-separate groups have different organization structures and interactive norms that can cause communication problems between the two. One example describes that females create and maintain friendships through secrets. On the other hand, men’s relationships were based less on talking and more on doing things together. This insinuates that girls are more emotionally connected than men. Tannen explains that some men just do not like to listen because it makes them feel inferior. Since boys groups are larger and more inclusive, they must struggle to avoid the “lower” position in the group. On the other hand, women are often based in small groups where everyone is equally heard. It is differences like these that cause misunderstandings between men and women in communication.
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Tannen says: “at every age, the girls and women faced each other directly, their eyes anchored on each other’s faces”(Tannen, p.410). However, for the men she says: “at every age, the boy and men sat at angles to each other and looked elsewhere in the room, periodically glancing at each other”(Tannen p.410). This tells us that men are distancing themselves from each other, while women are trying to get closer to each
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” as the famous saying of John Gray goes. It is believed men and women are nothing alike in almost every aspect. In Deborah Tannen’s essay “Gender in the classroom: Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently” she focused on how men and women differ when it comes to communicating, with emphasis on how it effects to how men and women behave in the classroom.
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
The circle of influence and experience were different between men and women because of the differences in philosophies of life. The differences in philosophies of life created communication problems between men and women. What seemed to be interesting to one person would not be interesting to another. The key to a successful relationship would be to communicate with your spouse in all aspects of life, even if it was not a mutual interest. The author of Sex, Lies, and Conversation, Deborah Tannen, explained how men and women communicated differently through listening skills, body language, and emotions.
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
Therefore, women tend to use conversation to build and maintain interpersonal relationships while men converse when there is an opportunity to exhibit power or establish a hierarchy. In conjunction with the reason for communication, Tannen also demonstrates the different styles that genders communicate. Women use what she describes as rapport. Rapport talk tends to express emotions and feelings and build bonds. On the other hand, men use report-talk.
There has always been a debate about the differences in communication between males and females. In his essay, “No Detail Is Too Small for Girls Answering a Simple Question,” Tony Kornheiser believes that girls tend to give out more details and specificity about a subject (feminine style), whereas boys tend to be more straightforward and to the point (masculine style). The author uses examples of his daughter and son to compare the way they speak and the amount of facts they would give. By using them, the author shows the different styles of communication and their effects on listeners. Based on my experiences in a Model United Nations conference and Boy Scouts of America, I feel that the feminine style is more effective in communication.
If a person were to ask a random woman on the street to describe the way her husband communicates to her, she would likely say he is, “straight forward” and tends not to communicate at all in their relationship. She may also feel as though he does not listen to her. According to Deborah Tannen, this is a common misconception of men, and most men tend to listen, but differently than women do. To elaborate on this idea, Tannen refers to this as “silent attention”, where men remain quiet while listening to others in order to concentrate on the subject matter. (424) In addition to the misconception previously listed, it has been theorized that men also aim for different conversational goals than women. While Tannen has said that men create c...
Deborah Tannen, in her article “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” discusses how differently men and women communicate and how this causes confusion and often times disorder in marriage. She goes on to explain that in order for men and women to effectively communicate, each sex has to understand the way the other sex communicates. Generally, men are more talkative in public situations, yet they are more quiet at home situations (Tannen p. 408), which can cause problems in marriages if men and women don’t understand the ways both sexes communicate. Tannen explains how men and women’s brains function differently and how one thing may mean a completely different thing to the opposite sex. Silence, to men, for instance, means a completely different
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
The differences between men and women are mostly the result of socialization. Although men and women differ in their communication skills and behavior, this does not mean that one sex is superior or inferior to another. Both communication styles are equally valid and the goal in gender communication is not to change the other’s communication style but to adapt it. These differences are not caused by an imbalance of power but by different norms of conversational interaction. Each gender has its own pros and cons.
...or a relationship”. In genderlects, there is no superior or inferior method of communication, but rather, men and women just communicate differently. By understanding these differences, one can reduce the amount of misunderstandings in future conversations.
Tannen discusses many disparities in language caused by gender such as men often seeking straightforward solutions to problems and useful advice whereas women tend to try and establish intimacy by discussing problems and showing concern and empathy in order to reinforce relationships. Female subculture uses language to build equal relationships, while male subculture uses language to build hierarchical relationships.
When it comes to men and females communicating with each other and the opposite sex, sometimes they tend to speak a language others do not understand. When men speak to a women they want that women to obey and listen to everything they say. When men communicate with other men their egos gets bigger then what they really are. Women communicating with other women can go two ways either really good or really bad. Why is it so hard for genders to communicate with each other?