So you’ve been dating this person for a long time... You know him/her pretty well and you’re ready to work that relationship towards getting married, but before doing so, here 're 8 questions to help your couple move ahead.
For most of us, the answer to these questions shouldn’t be deal breakers, however, they should help you develop a more harmonious fulfilling marriage.
1 - How do you deal with disagreements?
Every couple will disagree from time to time. There is no way to have a couple that NEVER disagree on anything.
However the way the couple deals with disagreements will be the difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple.
Are those disagreements dealt with or avoided ?
If avoided, issues will get bigger over time,
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Please.. Don’t do that!
3 - How do we spend our money?
I understand that it’s not very glamorous to talk about money, especially once you guys are planning to get married, but it’s something that must be done and if you want to start off your marriage on solid financial grounds, make sure you have a clear picture of your financial situation and of your spouse as well.
Having a plan for the allocation of everyday life expenses as well as your long-term financial goals. If your wife/husband is a person who lives day to day and loves to spend without really looking at a budget. This is a sign that financial management problems could be an issue that your couple will have to deal with.
Will all expenses come out of both your accounts and have bills divided equally or everything will come out from a joint account.
That’s why it’s important to know the financial behavior of your partner, and that your partner knows about your spending habit as well. Because when we know that money issues are often one of the major reasons of divorces, being on top of your finances as a couple can certainly prevent many hassles down the
So how can the happy couple ensure a happy marriage? A lot of advice has already come their way, some which may be of use, some of it may not. For me, the key appears to be understanding women and how they communicate. I've always found the following a good guide: If the word "nothing" is uttered, this actually means "something" and you should be on your to...
This correlates with data found in Steuber and Paik (2014) article regarding cohabitation. The researchers found that majority of cohabitating relationships are formed in early adulthood (Steuber & Paik 2014). The responses from the five couples also show that cohabitating can be a short-lived union (ibid). Couple D moved the quickest and married within a year of cohabitating together (Personal experience D 2014). Couple E separated after three years of cohabitation (Personal E 2014). These two experiences show that cohabitation can be short-lived relationships that end within three years (Steuber & Paik 2014).Of the duration of my research, Couple A, B, and C remain in cohabitating relationships, it will be interesting to see how these three cohabitating relationships will end. Couple A, B, C, D and E list some type of financial constraint as a reason for cohabitating. Couple A are in entry level position jobs and living in Toronto (Personal experience A 2014). This couple expressed that it is cheaper to share expenses especially rent (ibid). Couple B decided to cohabitate together because it is financially more stable to share expenses (Personal experience B 2014). The female in this relationship is finishing her postgraduate education and the male works full time (ibid). Couple D also had financial constraints because of the expensive rent in Toronto, and the male is still completing his education (Personal experience D 2014). Couple E had financial constraints because they were employed in low income jobs (Personal experience E 2014). They both only have high school education (ibid). The personal experiences experienced by these four couples show the financial insecurity of this age group. This correlates well with data found in the Statistics Canada (2012) financial security survey, the median net worth of individuals under the age of 35
..., but was apparent in both. All couples will have disagreements and voicing them will prove to be important. Disagreeing is a kind of communication and is important, so long as the differences are not to many or allowed to escalate.
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) John M. Gottman provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
The best cement of a couple’s relationship is comprehension, and conversation. “Sex, Lies and Conversation” by Deborah Tannin points out that the lack of conversation is one of the major reasons why people divorce. Distance is created quickly if a husband or a wife does not share his or her feelings, does not tell his or her partner what is happening, and keep the feelings; however, a successful relationship constantly keeps the lines of communication open.
There is a large misconception that it is unacceptable to argue in a relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, familial, etc. This depends on if participants are arguing in a healthy way. Everyone is unique. People will not always agree. It is imperative to listen to each other, use positive communication and be authentic.
Ludwig Lowenstein, an experienced psychological consultant. In his article, “Causes and Associated Features of Divorce as Seen by Recent Research” states that “people who embarked on partnerships at an early age, cohabitants, those who had experienced parental divorce, and those who were economically, somatically and emotionally vulnerable had higher risks of divorce” (Ludwig pp 157). Couples who are financially unstable are bound to experience the effects of the bad economy thus resulting in expected problems like unemployment and constantly depending on their significant others to provide for them. With this, comes the disadvantages of relying on others and disrupts the social status. At this point, most couples think of ways to solve this issues and according to this study other couples eventually file for divorce. He also reports, “A study of young Americans who wished to divorce showed that economic factors played a significant role in many who sought separations and divorces (Burgess et al., 1997)” (Ludwig pp 157). Evidently, this shows that financial problems cause divorce due to lack of money to support oneself. With that, it is also difficult to financially support your marriage. In some cases, the other person is inclined to take on the responsibilities that deal with financials. Eventually, this doesn’t last long, and that is
As is customary I should leave the groom with wise words, to help in your marriage. Since I am a bachelor, I have little experience to speak from, but I hope these help anyway:
Building a financial literacy for your children is important. Giving them an allowance will help you do that. An allowance will give kids a chance to experience dealing with money before it becomes a crucial thing for them to know. The more practice and time they have dealing with money, the easier it will be for them to handle it as they get older. It will also give them more time to learn and perfect budgeting skills. Giving your child this skill early in life can help prevent complications when they are on their own. It is important to learn early on that you must work hard for the things you want. Your parents won't always be there to help you out.
It is easy to understand why finances continue to be the leading cause of divorce, especially when many couples tend to overlook the practical aspects of marriage before combining everything as marital property.
However; if marriage wants to be happy, each of them need to give their best to have a good relationship, they also have to respect each other, have patience and always talk about their problems or dreams. As a matter of the fact that romantic love is essential and that exists, some marriages have been together for more than fifty years; their secrets are not expensive, or impossible ones, in fact, they are as familiar and accessible as patience, love, and respect. Today's couples should value the essence of marriage and should put on a scale what is most important and give their beloved the value they deserve. It is essential to learn to love as couples did before
In conclusion, the best way to manage your money is to keep a budget and record all your transaction to see where your money is going. Living with a budget isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it can be a great alternative to worrying about how you are going to pay for your expenses. Budgeting allows you to create a spending plan for your money; it ensures that you will always have money for the things that are important to you. Following a budget will also keep you out of debt. If you don’t balance your budget and spend more than you make, you will have financial problems. Many people don’t realize that they spend more than they earn and slowly sink deeper into debt every year.
A personal financial plan is essentially important for any person and their loved ones to minimize future hardships and difficult financial situations. Short and long-term financial freedom and stability is something an individual wants to have through to the end of his or her life. Financially planning for one’s retirement years is vital so a person does not sustain major unhappiness or unnecessary pain in what is supposed to be the reward for working so hard in their younger years.
...money now or save it for the future. Additionally, many couples have not talked about their financial situation before getting married and do not often consider talking about the role money plays in their relationship and life (Lee, 2013). As a result, couples discover these things after getting married and realize that they won’t be happy and successful having financial troubles. This is when couples decide to divorce. Furthermore, some couples do not like to act as a couple and prefer to spend their money separately (Lee, 2013). They do not like to help each other when it comes to finances. This situation often leads to divorce, because couples are not able to achieve their future goals, since they are hiding their money businesses from each other (Lee, 2013). Hence, these financial problems tend to cause problems between couples and eventually lead to divorce.
Susan Heitler) “Communication in relationships is like a river. When thoughts and feelings flow smoothly between marriage partners it 's fun, feels good, and helps support everyone around. However, when communication flow is turbulent, it 's potentially dangerous and destructive. And when communication gets blocked, pressure builds up. Then when the words start flowing again, they tend to come out suddenly in a damaging raging flood” If you and your spouse do not communicate effectively, you are both likely to experience frustration, anger and resentment. On the other hand, couples who communicate well experience fulfilled relationships, empathy and true intimacy with their spouses. Effective communication in marriage is perhaps the single most important aspect of a successful