Criticism

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Criticism
Criticism can be negative or positive; the way it is said may be good or bad. Why do most of us want to avoid giving or receiving criticism? The purpose of criticism is to encourage positive outcomes (what the giver wants). Ideally, it brings balance into our lives, provides us with a basis of comparison, and brings truth, honesty, and intimacy. Hopefully, it gives us honest feedback—a balance of praise and criticism. Do most of us want to know how we are doing?
Why do successful business people actually seek out criticism from people they respect? Why do people feel they are unfairly criticized? Are tone of voice, choice of words important? What communication skills does one need to criticize well? Why do those who are criticized act defensively? Can one be defensive and actually hear what is being said?
RECEIVING CRITICISM:
Is this a great source of stress? Have the past criticisms from parents, teachers, and other made us into the person we are today? The receiver must try must try to personalize the criticism and view it as information worthy of examination (either to accept or reject). Often we associate the one criticizing us with hostile bosses or other in the past.
Is the criticism valid? What is the intention? What action is needed to be taken?
What is the worst part of receiving criticism? (Loss of control, emotional involvement, etc.). How do we normally react? (Defensive, stop listening, cry argue, blame others, feel rejected) How can we reduce the stress? (Perhaps see criticism as just information). Do we normally ask several questions: is it “legitimate”? Does the person have a right to criticize us (neighbor, parent, and spouse, boss)? What is the intention—blame me, embarrass me, destroy me? What words set us off in anger—name used, should have, must have, always, never, but…
Does the criticism tell you what is wrong and what is expected in the future? Is the information correct?
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Need to deal with criticism correctly: ask question to understand exactly what the person means, find out the intention of the person means, how one rectifies th...

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...make you feel inferior without your consent.” We often carry on an internal dialogue with ourselves in which we criticize ourselves. Self-criticism is the most popular form of criticism. We focus on negative aspects of behavior, instead of evaluating ourselves both positively and negatively. One needs touse self-criticism to inspire oneself to new heights, not to lows. Often we defeat ourselves by focusing on criticism rather than a remedy. We are usually too general: “ I made a mess of everything.”
Make Criticism into a Positive Force
Criticism is a vital part of our lives. If used well, it can empower us; if used badly, it can destroy careers, relationships, and destroy self-confidence. Key questions to ask: Is the person giving criticism off limits? Does it have value? Does it call for a specific action? It is worse to get no criticism than to receive it. When criticizing others, remind the person you are not personally criticizing others him/her but a specific action. Avoid criticizing in front of others. Maintain the other person’s self-esteem—don’t destroy them. Criticism is a commutation tool to bring about change.

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