Child Development Pros And Cons

Child Development
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The decision to stay put or divorce when children are involved is one of the difficult decisions that couples have to make it. However, there may be an appropriate and acceptable solution. Before any couple decides to settle for any solution, they have to understand that each scenario has its pros and cons and also that each decision is a lifelong decision. Research has shown that most couples rush to the decision of divorce due to impulsivity or emotional reactions. Also more often, most couples make decisions based on the guidance and input suggestions of their friends and family. However, what most couples fail to understand is that marriage or divorce is a personal decision

that should be instigated by one’s personal choices (Howe, 2012). Staying put and making your marriage work for the sake of the children is the best decision but on very few extreme conditions is divorce appropriate.
Before couples decide on any solution, it is advisable to put the needs of their children on the front line before their own. Research has also shown that majority couples settle on the decision of divorce without first seeking marital therapy. Most of the parents, who find divorce as the only solution after their marriage goes south, are known to put their personal needs before those of their children. It is due to such reasons that parents should put more effort to ensure that they create a nurturing marriage not only for themselves but also for their children. Marriage coaches and counselors believe and advice that unless a couple has done all that could have been possibly done to save their marriage, divorce should never be an option (Ballantine, & Spade, 2012). Parenting experts argue that in case of abusive marriages, the non-abusive partner should temporarily take the children out of the abusive environment while the other partner seeks treatment.
Parenting experts believe that patience in the marriage is not only a virtue but a necessity and hence divorce should not always be the only solution to troubled marriages. Parents who jump on divorce when faced with marital problems on the first instance always argue that though it won’t be easy, but it will be better for the children in the long run. On the contrary research has shown that divorce often takes a huge toll on children. This is evident since kids often have to be shuffled from home to home hence interfering with social and personal upbringing (Ackerman, & Kane, 2005). Dissolution of a family always leads to family financial suffering due to the costs of filing divorces as well as cost of maintaining separate households. The financial suffering may also interfere with the quality of life that the children get.
When divorces happen, parents are always likely to be preoccupied with their own personal emotional well-being and hence it might be difficult for them to be there for their children’s emotional problems.

On most occasions, divorces leads to children shifting from one district school to another leading to emotional disruption since they require emotional adjustments. After divorces, when there are second families, there are the unique problems of step families (Howe, 2012). Children may not be comfortable with step families since they may treat them unequally compared to their own children. Research has shown that most children suffer silently under the care of step parents. Subsequent marriages are less likely to work out than first marriages and hence it may require further adjustments to the lifestyles of the children. Studies that even though the subsequent marriages may work for the parents, the same success does not always trickle down to the children and hence they end up getting a raw

deal.
Parenting experts argue that the most ideal parenting strategy for proper development of kids is within the context of an intact marriage. An intact marriage always serves as the basis of a foundation of a kid’s security, safety, belonging and love. When a divorce happens between parents, the children’s sense of security, belonging and love is threatened no matter how amicable the separation is. Although this threat varies according to the kids’ age and developmental stage, most kids between the ages of 6 and 10 years are highly affected. Such kids always express their dissatisfaction through emotions, worry, anxieties, increased fears and physical ailments. From the parenting experts and marriage coaches’ point of view, the best way to avoid the threats altogether is to strive to build an intact supportive and happy marriage (Ballantine, & Spade, 2012). Building a happy marriage will not only be beneficial to the kids but also to the parents hence eliminating both financial and emotional challenges.
There are more reasons and benefits that should make parents stay put for their children than separation.

Over the years, research has shown that children tremendously benefit when raised in an intact family by both parents. Such children are always less likely to opt for divorce in future as adults. According to research most people who always result to divorce as the first option lacked role model parents as they were growing up. Most adult always view their adult lives as an extension of their parents lives and hence if their parents had a happy intact marriage they will always look forward to have the same (Ackerman, & Kane, 2005). Unfortunately those who grew up with their parents having separated also hope to have successful marriages but when challenges kick in, they are mostly inclined to divorce as the

solution.
Children raised by an intact family are less likely to have emotional problems and hence healthy development. Children from intact marriages are always in a better position to have better relationships with both parents. When parents are together, such children are likely to be more disciplined. Due to this, they are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, less likely to engage in sexual activity as teens and hence less likely to experience pregnancies as teens. Children from intact families are always likely to perform better in school and hence higher chances of attending college. Such children are in a better position to have a more financial secure lifestyle in the future (Howe, 2012). In future during their dating, children from intact families are in a better position to make smarter relationship choices and decisions. These smart choices ensure that they are less likely to become victims of domestic abuse later in their marriage lives.
Couples should strive to hold their marriages intact for the wide range of benefits it have on their children and on their lives too. To attain a happy and intact marriage, couples should consider marriage therapies. Couples should always remember that patience as a virtue is more of a necessity in their marriage (Ballantine, & Spade, 2012). Couples should also face their problems head on and solve them rather than pretend that they don’t exist. It helps children a great deal to grow in a happy and intact family in their development and later on in their adult lives.

Reference
Howe, T. R. (2012). Marriages & families in the 21st century: A bioecological approach. Malden, MA: Wiley-Blackwell.
Ballantine, J. H., & Spade, J. Z. (2012). Schools and society: A sociological approach to education. Los Angeles: Sage/Pine Forge Press.
Ackerman, M. J., & Kane, A. W. (2005). Psychological experts in divorce actions. New York, NY: Aspen Publishers.