Finding Balance in a New Relationship

985 Words2 Pages
bulb-icon

Recommended: Balancing career and family

Kate wanted a relationship for a long time - and finally, she had met Aaron and they started dating. They went on a couple of dates and had a great time together. Aaron recently graduated from university, so he wanted to take a few months off, before applying for a steady job. This change also gave Aaron an opportunity to shake off some of his romantic dust and find new ways for Kate and him to spend time together. At first, Kate was delighted with Aaron’s sense of romance and creativity, but as time went by, she barely found time for herself anymore. Kate didn 't want to hurt Aaron so she “played along”, and only a few weeks later (after she had tried to find *ANY* way to keep him busy…) Kate finally decided to bring up the subject. Aaron …show more content…

They are not equations that were adapted from others, but instead - they are self created equations. There are equations that associate emotional experience with behavior – and because of that, we’ll call them “Associative Equations”. These equations are in the following form: “when I did something it made me happy (or sad) --> Therefore, by repeating it (or avoiding it), I will make me happy (or sad) again”. In other words, the equation just states that (emotional) history tends to repeat itself. Although these equations seem to make sense, they have a deep underlying problem - the “missing factors” …show more content…

When they created their associative equations it may sound reasonable to them at the time, but in retrospect, if we dig a little bit deeper, things seem a little bit different…

Kate, seeking both relationship and personal space, missed out an important factor. The factor was that in relationships, whenever something had bothered her, she preferred to keep it to herself because she has a weakness for confrontations. Kate would prefer to suffer inside for a long time before admitting her feelings to someone else. This behavior led Kate to open up to Aaron too late, and although breaking up with him allowed her to restore her freedom, it merely just replaced her “I don’t have time for myself” frustration with the “I am not in a relationship” frustration.

Ted, the caring father oversaw a critical factor when he created his own equation. The factor was that whenever Ted tried to suggest his children how to handle a situation, he was so caught up with the thought of them making a mistake that he wasn’t actually suggesting them what to do – he was telling them what to do. He was doing so in a way that every other idea or thought (including their thoughts) seemed risky and dangerous. His children’s negative response, was merely a reflection of their frustration from him, as he had taken away their ability to feel secure with their

Show More
Related

  • Who Is The Son In Chris Crutcher's The Pin

    913 Words  | 2 Pages

    In the story, the father is the boss, and it is not okay if he is not in control. When he is not in control, he gets frustrated, and kind of dangerous. This need for control comes from his fear of embarrassment, and his fear of not being right. He feels that he is not always right, but if he is in control then people will not question if he is right or wrong, and he will not be embarrassed. Crutcher writes, “It’s just that when he thinks he’s not in control of everything, he gets kind of dangerous. I think nobody told him when he wanted to have kids-a decision made in a state of a severe deprivation, according to the family myth-that they’d want to be in control, too.” The father is scared of not being in control, and not being right. No one will notice that he is not right if he is in control, and therefore he will not be embarrassed. This proves that the father is fearful because he is embarrassed of himself, and his mistakes. He is scared that people will not think of him as the best if he makes mistakes, or is not

    Read More

  • Reb Saunders Critical Analysis

    1055 Words  | 3 Pages

    During the final conversation between Reb Saunders, Danny, and Reuven, Reb Saunders defends his method of raising Danny by noting that, “...I did not want my Daniel to become like my brother...Better I should have no son at all than have a brilliant son with no soul” (285). Reb Saunders assumes that if Danny were raised in silence, then he would obtain a soul unlike Reb Saunders’ brother who did not have one. Reb Saunders raises Danny in isolation due to his assumption that having intellect without a soul would make a person indifferent and uncaring. By only wanting what he presumes is most beneficial for Danny, Reb Saunders forms a barrier between him and a meaningful relationship with Danny. This approach of bringing up a child is the only one that Reb Saunders has previous knowledge and he realizes that, “..a wiser father... may have done differently. I am not... wise” (288). Once Reb Saunders understands the consequences of his irrational decision, it is too late to make amends. Silence strains their relationship and forces both Danny and Reb Saunders to become depressed and miserable. Despite raising Danny with good intentions, Reb Saunders feels remorse for not establishing an affectionate relationship with his son while he still had the chance. Furthermore, Reb Saunders yearns for Danny to become a tzaddik and tries fulfills his desire through restrained communication between his son. If Reb Saunders had created a lasting relationship with Danny then the same hope could have been achieved. For Danny to become a tzaddik without feeling compassion during his lifetime is difficult to demand. It may have been possible for Danny to develop the traits that his father requires of him if he was raised in a nurturing environment. Overall, Reb Saunders’ rationalization of his parenting technique is rendered useless as he comprehends what an ill-advised approach it

    Read More

  • An Analysis of Page 69-70 of Chopin’s The Awakening

    432 Words  | 1 Pages

    Previously, the narrator has intimated, “She had all her life long been accustomed to harbor thoughts and emotions which never voiced themselves. They had never taken the form of struggles. They belonged to her and were her own.” Her thoughts and emotions engulf her, but she does not “struggle” with them. They “belonged to her and were her own.” She does not have to share them with anyone; conversely, she must share her life and her money with her husband and children and with the many social organizations and functions her role demands.

    Read More

  • Interpersonal Conflict Between Noah, Allie and Anne Hamilton in 'The Notebook'

    1176 Words  | 3 Pages

    The Notebook (Cassavetes, 2004) is a love story about a young couple named Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun, who fall deeply in love with each other. The Hamilton’s are financially stable, and expect for their daughter Allie to marry someone with the same wealth. Noah on the other hand works as a laborer, and comes from an underprivileged family. Throughout the film there were several negative behaviors, and interpersonal communications within the context of their relationship, which relates to chapter nine. This chapter explores relationships, emphasizing on affection and understanding, attraction, and the power of a relationship. The focus of this paper is the interpersonal conflict with Noah, Allie and her mother, Anne Hamilton.

    Read More

  • Crow Lake Mary Lawson Character Analysis

    476 Words  | 1 Pages

    Also, when Matt and Kate are talking with each other, it is strained and they are unsure of what to say to each other. As Matt and Kate are talking, Kate narrates, “I had never loved anyone as I loved Matt, But now, when we saw each other, there was something unbridgeable between us, and we had nothing to say.” (Pg. 241) When siblings have a weak relationship it is hard to converse with each other, which is what is happening with Matt and Kate. Finally, when Kate is returning home for Matt’s son’s birthday celebration, Matt becomes nervous to see her again. While talking about Matt, his wife, Marie, shares with Kate, “If you could see him when he knows you`re coming home…at first he’s so happy… but then as it gets closer, he doesn’t sleep.” (Pg. 279) Kate’s opinion matters very much to Matt and seeing her after an absence causes him anxiety. It is clear that when Kate returns home, her relationship with Matt is immensely different from what it is when she is

    Read More

  • Sanchez Family Case Study

    1045 Words  | 3 Pages

    The second stage she is struggling in is Stage 6 Intimacy vs Isolation in young adulthood (Rogers, 2013). She is 28 years old, and is isolated from her family and her son, Joey, who her parents now have custody due to her drug abuse. The other reason she is isolated from her family is due to her having an abortion, and her parents feel she has committed a mortal sin and they do not want her in their home. She has the lost the intimacy of being with her son and her

    Read More

  • Notorius Serial Killers in American History: Ted Bundy

    1005 Words  | 3 Pages

    The first theory to explain some of Ted's behavior is that of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs which focuses on describing the stages of growth in humans using the terms physiological, safety, belongingness, self esteem, self actualization and self transcendence. Ted had the necessities of life and shelter, and was therefore satisfied in his physiologi...

    Read More

  • Finding Self-Identity after Divorce: A Sociological View

    1018 Words  | 3 Pages

    She met the singer whom she was able to have fun and enjoy her evenings with. Then she was able to talk and joke around with the man who works in her building. Although Patt was looking for something more with his relationship with Judith, all she really wanted was some company and not to be alone. Even though Patt was really trying to capture Judith’s heart, I honestly do not believe he was truly in love with her. I know that he did say he want to love Judith and he was trying to love her but I believe that it was more his need to not be alone as well. Judith was just more honest with her feelings towards him when she just wanted to be friends. He had gone through a lot of personal problems in his life and he confused the need for finding a partner with the need for a friend. Judith did not want to be stuck in another relationship once again like her pervious

    Read More

  • Family Crucible Reflection

    1074 Words  | 3 Pages

    Eventually, David and Carolyn are able to relinquish the triadic relationship with their daughter, Claudia. This restructuring in the family essentially alleviates many of the problems that were the cause for the family to seek therapy in the first place. Claudia is able to break free from the well worn routines of arguing with her mother and her unwanted behaviors diminish. After removing the pressure placed on Claudia to be their source of intense emotion, David and Carolyn are left to face the daunting task of exploring and eventually reorganizing their relationship with one

    Read More

  • What Is Insecurity In This Is Us Essay

    1619 Words  | 4 Pages

    Kate shows her high level of insecurity when she is with her boyfriend, Toby. Toby and Kate met at weight loss meetings where they discuss how to lose weight. When they first met, Kate said she, ¨could not fall for a fat person right now” (“Pilot”). This statement meant that she needs someone who was either

    Read More

  • Survival and Emotional Resilience in Dystopian Novels

    598 Words  | 2 Pages

    This essay will compare the novels Dark Inside by Jeyn Roberts and Unwind by Neal Shusterman. As both novels are about survival, we will outline the strategies the characters used to mentally move forward after a setback. The novels Dark Inside and Unwind both portray the idea of hiding their feelings in order to keep moving forward. Risa and Aries both leave someone they have grown to love and must continue feeling as if they broke a promise. Chickadee and Connor abandoned by people they thought they could trust, now having to set aside their anger. Mai and Colin are faced with the deaths of their partners and are now broken inside. The feeling of betraying someone who is oblivious to your actions is exactly what Aries and Risa had to go through.

    Read More

  • Taming of the Shrew Character Analysis- Kate

    1169 Words  | 3 Pages

    In conclusion, Kate is a dynamic character who changes dramatically throughout the play. She transformed into an obedient wife for Petruchio, willing to acknowledge people ideas and love, and treats other people with great respect. At first, men, women, and children trembled whenever she came around, including her father and sister. By the end of the play, however, she is presented as being mild and submissive to Petruchio. Even though many critics would argue that her actions are just for pleasing Petruchio, I believe that her actions are truly genuine. Kate is just ahead of her time. Many people in that time period believed that women should just be quiet and obedient. However, in the current period, men always wanted women who are independent and willing to be able to express their emotions.

    Read More

  • Parental Figures In Huckleberry Finn

    1762 Words  | 4 Pages

    For example, Jim, the present parental figure, has a significantly greater influence on Tom’s actions than Tom’s biological parents. As Tom Sawyer, “respectable” and “well brung up,” defies his parents’ teachings by helping Huck free Jim, Twain writes, “[Tom] makes… his family a shame…” (Twain 242). The absent parental figures, such as Tom’s biological parents, and their beliefs on how to act in a situation, often have marginally small effects on children’s decisions if they have someone with them convincing them to act otherwise. Twain conveys that children feel pressure in the moment to act in agreement with a parental figure who exists in the current situation. The present parental figure(s) can strike emotion within the children and convince the children to act how the parent(s) would want them to. Following Huck’s “desires,” Kleist writes, “[Huck] actually empathizes with Jim since he experiences with Jim what Jim feels” (Kleist #). Children empathize and act upon their feelings according to the present parental figures when faced with problems. The powerful impacts that authoritative figures have over their children can cause them to make the decisions that their parents, present in the situation, desire for their children to make. Adolescents feel no strong influences from absent parental figures while making

    Read More

  • Live From Tomorrow Gilbert

    1052 Words  | 3 Pages

    There is an abundance amount of various beliefs that many have assumed to be true, despite their actual accuracy. For example, he talks about a common misconception about how children are known to bring everyone joy: “...although parenting has many rewarding moments, the vast majority of its moments involve dull and selfless service to people who will take decades to become even begrudgingly grateful for what we are doing” (176). Gilbert makes a great point here and has made the readers aware of how many false beliefs there are that exist today. It may be said that children are bound to bring you a lifetime of happiness, and as that may apply to some, it is not necessarily true for everybody who has kids. This is not the only untrue belief that is common for people to misinterpret. Whether it’s the expected feeling of freedom when you finally receive your driver’s license, the instant feeling of adulthood when you graduate from high school, or the exhilarating moment when you get hired for a job for the first time. There are multiple beliefs that are said to be true by many but realistically don’t always end up being that accurate. Although it may be disappointing to live through a situation where you assumed that one of these misconceptions was true, it can also teach you an eye-opening lesson that what society claims to bring you happiness may not actually do

    Read More

  • Gender Aspects Of Feminism In The Girl On The Train

    1313 Words  | 3 Pages

    Megan Hipwell, a girl Rachel watches from the train, is married to Scott Hipwell and aches to be independent and free. Megan believes that being adventurous and free is what is going to make her happy which she does so by having scandalous affairs. Her affairs go to show how sociopathic she is because she likes the idea of the act itself being wrong and becomes obsessive. When Megan is coming home she thinks about her affair she thinks to herself what she likes “most about it, having power over someone. That 's the intoxicating thing” (47). Megan is evidently a very unhealthy person with a twisted mind. She shows no remorse or empathy for her selfish actions. Megan says to herself “I don’t want to hurt anybody, but you have to be true to yourself” (46). Megan is self centered and does not practice feminism

    Read More

More about Finding Balance in a New Relationship

Open Document