Gabby Delarosa
Sarah Knowlton
English 11
6 May 2014
The Truth about Praise
Over the last few decades the way parents have been parenting their children has become much more centered on praise and positive reinforcement. Not just here in America, parents in many parts of the world have enthusiastically followed the positive parenting path of constantly showering children with praise. For many families the praise is almost compulsory, there praise is often empty carrying no real meaning. Parents everywhere praise their kids when they do well in school, win a ball game, or build an impressive sandcastle, anything that seems to be something remarkable -- and, in many cases, anything that's just plain common. Jenn Berman, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of “The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy and Confident Kids” says, "We are becoming praise junkies as parents. We've gone to the opposite extreme of a few decades ago when parents tended to be stricter. And now we over praise our children." This issue was generally overlooked until the book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” came out and caused widespread shock and outrage. This really kicked in to gear the discussion about what style of parenting is most effective. “If a child is told that everything they do is fantastic, then they will never really know when they have done something that really is fantastic. Sometimes mediocrity needs to be recognized for what it is - mediocre - rather than boosted to another level. Alternatively, the more we praise some kids, the more they expect it. And they soon become addicted to praise. If they don't get a regular praise fix, they wonder what's wrong” (Michael Grose). In this paper I will discuss how praise can negatively affect chil...
... middle of paper ...
...e much direction and praise. They will seek affirmation from others and not be able to strongly believe and support themselves. Although there is no absolute correct way to parent, one thing has been shown too much praise is not the way to go. Rather than focus on the outcome of your child’s actions you must first look at the process. Throughout my research the golden word has been encouragement. An encouraging parent gives children feedback about their performance, but they ensure that feedback is realistic and they work from positives rather than negatives. An encouraging parent will note a child's efforts in toilet training and recognize that mistakes are part of the learning process, so they are not too fussed about the results. The basic way to sum up the ideas of what the ideas have said is that praise is about control and encouragement is about influence.
As most would likely find it common, all three interviewees had their greatest loss pertaining to death. Susan, Liz, and Dave all went through a period of struggle when losing someone they loved dearly. Susan lost her father, Liz lost her brother, and Dave lost his brother. With each interview being very distinct from one another, specific parts of each interview stood out from the rest. For instance, in Susan's interview, the words she used to describe what she lost stood out. There was an intense amount of emotion when she replied to the question with "how do you describe when you lose a dad" and then used the words "unconditional love". Going into Liz's interview, there were numerous things that stood out to me. First and foremost, was the
Every day there are children who are either in foster care, or group homes, who have received maltreatment at least once over the duration of their stay. Unfortunately, for most of those children, it hasn’t and will not be a onetime thing. The Canadian Incidence Study of Reported Child Abuse and Neglect reported 15,980 child maltreatment investigations across Canada in the fall of 2008, which has increased significantly, whereas in 1988 there were 7,633 investigations. Child Welfare, is a set of government services designed to protect children and encourage family stability. Such services are done through the use of investigations into alleged child abuse, foster care, adoption services, and services to provide support for those families who
Ladies and gentlemen, good morning. Adoption recently has caused a hot-spot debate in Australia . Mr Rudd just argued that we should maintain the policy but I don’t agree with him. I am sure many of you are not satisfied with the current situation because we all clear this is not a great one. Adoption is so important because it is a way to change children’s lives. This debate is not about me and Mr Rudd; it’s about you and these children so you should make the best choice. For too long this policy has been disadvantaged to the children who are adopted or going to be adopted and those foster families. It’s the time to change. Relaxing the regulation of adoption within Australia and from overseas will be one of the liberal party’s aiming next term if I get your support. And let me tell you why choosing to relax adoption’s regulation is stepping up in the right direction to change.
Wayne and Kate is a middle-aged couple who have been together for many years. Their life was great before expanding their family. They used to go out every weekend and splurge. That changed when they had children, who were a real joy adding meaning to their lives but they proof to be financially taxing. Over time, Wayne and Kate had two children, who now are five, and eight years old. Because Wayne and Kate both work, they had to utilize childcare. Childcare proof to be expensive, however Wayne’s job offered childcare reimbursement. Otherwise, their finances would be too tight for the couple to cover costs. Wayne had a good position with the company, unfortunately his employer sold out to another company, which offered a different benefit package.
For years there have been an excessive number of children in and out of the foster system. Quite a few children have succeeded; however, other children have not. A few children have looked to drugs, alcohol and violence to cope with what they have gone through and/or what they are currently going through. A number of those children ended up in a juvenile detention center or prison for breaking the law. Foster parents are desperately needed to help these children succeed in life and make it through this terrible time.
Fortunately, children do not need “perfect” parents. They do need mothers and fathers who will think on their feet and who will be thoughtful about what they have done. They do need parents who can be flexible, and who can use a variety of approaches to discipline.” - James L. Hymes, Jr. This quote, I can say, is physically very true.
The child may feel the need to perform and excel in every area of their life in order to get recognition. Not only does the child then appreciate recognition when a goal or accomplishment is achieved, but sometimes they feel the need to control the outcome of their accomplishment by continuously seeking new ways to earn recognition. Continuous extrinsic motivations such as these may result in the child feeling that by enhancing their performance and getting recognition from their actions and accomplishments they can control what people think of them. In simplest terms, the danger of becoming a people pleaser is put into play. While an authoritative parent monitors and would most likely intervene to change this developing belief system, unfortunately, a non-authoritative parent may not be the first to take this initiative in their child’s life. This parenting style typically leads to behaviors in the child where they may perform well in school to please their teachers, however they may also feel anxious, withdrawn, and have a general unhappiness. They most likely will have trouble dealing with the frustrations in life, will generally follow traditional roles of social expectations, and will enter into adulthood with a general lack of the warmth, unconditional love and nurturance that children require as they
Sad, droopy, homeless kids go through their whole lives waiting for someone to adopt and love them. “There are millions of infants and young children who are in need of nurturing homes. Many of these children are living in the streets or institutions where they will likely grow up with serious depression or possibly die” (Bartholet 1). A lot of these children could have a safe home to live in if only more people were willing to go through the lengthy and expensive adoption process. If America had a better adoption system, adults would be more willing to adopt these poor kids. Currently, America’s adoption system is extremely corrupt and needs to make some changes as to how the system works, or
Positive feedback is all about promoting change in the behavior. I was raised within a household that rely on negative feedback and punishment to promote good behavior. Sometimes I did reward my nephews for positive behaviors but it was not done continuously or in a way that would result in positive behavior change. I come to believe that negative reinforcement was the key to ameliorating bad behaviors until I took notice the positive feedback I was given minimizes the bad attitudes and behaviors of the children. They were getting along well and whenever I praise one the others wanted to get that praise also, I believe that motivate them to behave appropriately. For instance, when one did a good deed I would make all the other clap while saying “well done” or something positive. It was a very long process because children do not change their ways from one day to the next, I couldn’t say I was very patience but see them attempt to better themselves, was what motivate
Is it fair to have to take a course and pass a test to become a parent?
Children thrive on praise. Praise must be specific and sincere to have a positive effect. It's not necessary for parents, teachers, or peers to wait until their children do something exceptional to provide praise. Praising an everyday event like getting ready for school on time is enough. What's important is that people should focus on the positive things their children do instead of on the negatives. Children need to be shown love and affection through both words and physical actions. Parents should tell their children often that they love them and think they're special. Some parents call their children names and/or belittle them when they are angry. Teachers send children to the principal’s office and their friends either fight children or ignore them. Such methods can have a negative effect on children's self-esteem. Not only that but media too can have a negative effect on a children’s self-esteem. Parents better hope that their children are expose to people who will boost his/her self-esteem.
Many individuals are taking the process of process of parental licensing into their own hands, despite their contributions being made up in mind only, however, it is thought that counts. One respective person believes that a restriction on having children should begin at the earliest stage of one’s life: birth. As soon as a child is born, doctors should “go in and turn off their spickets” (McRedmond). In the later stages of life, this would prevent several cases of teen pregnancies, seeing as though it would be an impossibility for women to get pregnant. Then, when a women eventually becomes ready enough to think about having children, they should go through a testing process, perhaps similar to Sherman’s ideas of interviews, writing, and demonstrations of capability. If they pass, they “get their spickets turned
We as educators and parents want our children to grow up to be the best that they can be. Are we helping them when we tell that they are doing a good job on something or are we hurting them? Some research has shown that praising a child with words like “Good Job” or “Way to Go” is not helping them build their self-esteem or grow as individuals. We need to do more to help them grow as individuals and learners. According to Alfie Kohn (2001) “praise is a verbal reward” (p. 1). He states in his article “Five Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job” that praise is also controlling (Kohn, 2001) Have you ever been at a restaurant or out to local grocery store (or even said to your own kids) and hear if you will be good I will buy you a treat. Controlling? Yes controlling, but in the classroom do we use the same type of praise to get our students to do the same thing?
In the mind boggling world of parenting, we discover a variety of parenting techniques. Realizing these techniques usually involves a lunch date with the neighbor and her child, or a lavish birthday party that we were invited to. In these events, we find the parent who is their child’s boss, the parent who has the colossal “Kids will be kids” mentality, and then the one who feels the need to offer an unrestrained amount of discipline. When we become parents for the first time in our lives, we are truly unaware of how much patience and understanding is involved with being an effective parent. As we raise our children, we learn their behavior and they also learn ours. As new parents, we fail to realize that this domino effect soon becomes a mutual agreement between the parent and the child.
As a young adult lady, I grew up always being told how perfect I truly was, I grew up with the unconditional support of both my parents and a strong center in family orientation. I was blessed with these luxuries and I am forever thankful. Although I control the outcome of my life and I control my thought processes and social behaviors, my family has a big impact on how I carry myself and the aspirations I set for myself. Having a supportive family makes my life easier to endure during rough patches in my life and easier to reach my goals. I’ve endured the heartaches and the painful memories, but I am never alone in my pain. I think my family is the direct cause of my naturally elevated confidence during this vulnerable phase in my life, Although I do not want to give the perception of perfection but this mindset has helped me get through the toughest patches and come out on top, it has helped me dispatch from friends when needed and form positive inferences on how healthy relationships are suppose to look like. All families have some type of unique dysfunction, the dysfunction helps with the development of “ lessons learned”. Every family has different dynamics, some are smaller, some are big, some are closer than others. The only similarity that remains is that they all make an impact on a child 's mental, physical and