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Oluwadamilola Olowomeye Mrs. Bennet English I 23 May 2014 Tough Love Nowadays preteens and teenagers recount conte and tales of their wrongdoings and seemingly brag about how they went on without consequences, while their avid listeners sit stunned and wonder at how their parents would react if they attempted the same things. The truth is the listeners who sit thinking about it know they wouldn't dare attempt to do something reckless, because they know better and they know the consequences can be avoided altogether. This is because of the way their parents trained them; parents are important to a child's character. There are many different types of parents, and there are also many methods of parenting. Tough love parenting has been proven to have both a negative and positive results on a child's character. A combination of warmth and engagement with consistent rules and boundaries are best in developing good characters in children. Tough love is necessary in developing self-discipline, and initiative. According to recent research there are four different types of parents: the authoritative parent, the permissible parent, the uninvolved parent, and the authoritarian parent. Authoritarian parents are very strict and leave no room for opposition; if there is opposition or disobedience the children are punished. They usually have high demands, a low level of responsiveness to their children, and a high value on the preservation of order (Tough love Parenting). Children of authoritarian parents are known to be very smart and obedient, but they lack self esteem, were more anxious and withdrawn, and were not very socially competent. Permissible parents basically let their children do whatever they want to do, discipline is practi... ... middle of paper ... ...make one feel better but can also lead to a solution. Using consequences help the children have a sense of responsibility. Tough love is seen by many as the best method to get your kids ready for adulthood, but it is also a controversial topic, because some see it as harsh and unnecessary. Time and time again tough love has been successful because of its unique blend of punishments and constant love. Although parents find it difficult to perform tough love, they must keep in mind that it is essential in the future well-being of their child. There are many different parenting styles, and authoritative parenting, which is also known as tough love parenting, has been proven, through research, to be the best. And there many tough love techniques which will ensure all the necessary skills a child needs to have in order to become a responsible, successful adult.
Parenting styles have been widely defined by Baumrind into three categories, authoritative, authoritarian and permissive. Parenting styles can be defined as a pattern of attitudes in how parents choose to express and communicate with their children. These styles are categorized based on the level of nurturance, parental control and level of responsiveness (Dwairy, 2004). Authoritative style exhibits high levels of demand, responsiveness and nurturance; authoritarian style exhibits high levels of demand but low levels of responsiveness, permissive style exhibits low levels of demand but high in responsiveness and nurturance (Dwairy, 2004). These parenting styles have been proposed to have a significant impact on a child’s development as well as academic achievement and psychological well-being. Children reared by authoritative parents are stated to have the highest levels of academic achievement, self-esteem, emotional adjustment and well-being according to Baumrind’s category of styles (Dwairy, 2004). However, these three categories are based on Western samples and have been said to describe parenting styles mainly in the West and question its limitations in describing parenting across cultures, as each style’s defining patterns may have different meanings across cultures.
When Ezra was eight years old, he had a psychologist report done that asked a set of questions not only to him but also to myself about my parenting style. I scored high in the top 15 percentiles in not only warmth and affection but also discipline and control. Being high in all four aspects of parenting styles puts me into the authoritative style (Bee & Boyd, 2012). In The Developing Child, the authors describe the parents with this parenting style as those that are “setting clear limits, expecting and reinforcing socially mature behavior, and at the same time responding to the child’s individual needs (Bee & Boyd, 2012, p. 326).” As I reflect on certain situations, I can tell that this style guided my parenting. For example, when Ezra was 6 he frequently cheated at games if he knew he could get away with it. My response, with accordance to my authoritative parenting style, was to beginning teaching him right and wrong, not getting upset, but to bring up the cheating and tell him to play by the rules despite him not having a “strong sense of mortality (Manis, 2008).” I decided to use that option because I wanted Ezra to learn from the experience but continue to play the game and have
However, in this type of parenting style, authoritative parents are more responsive to their child, more willing to listen to questions and more forgiving rather than punishing when their child fail to meet expectations. These parents are more supportive, rather than punitive, also, they focus on making their child confident and socially responsible.(Baumrind, 1966). In authoritarian parenting style, children are expected to follow the strict rules and regulation established by the parents. The parents are too demanding and directive but not really responsive towards their children. They are also status-orientated and children are expected to obey their rules without any explanations (Baumrind, 1991). Then, there is the permissive parenting style in which the parents rarely discipline their child because they have low expectations of maturity and self-regulation. Permissive parent is more responsive, non-traditional and lenient towards their child. They are nurturing and very open with their child (Baumrind, 1991). Lastly, neglectful parenting style is those parents who have both low demandingness and responsiveness towards their children. These parents are generally detached from their child’s life and in some cases; they may even reject or neglect their child’s needs (Maccoby & Martin,
Authoritative style remains high in all four domains. Authoritative parents’ use of appropriate discipline such as using time-out or mild punishment ensures their children’s independence along with children’s compliance with parental demands. Compare to children with any other parenting styles, children raised by authoritative parents have higher self-esteem, self confidence, and better grades in elementary school, high school, and college. They are also less likely to abuse alcohol or tobacco as adolescents. In general, children of the authoritative parenting style show more altruistic
First, authoritarian parents are the ones with the most rules, they establish them and the child is expected to follow them without exceptions. This cause the child to view things only the way the parents say and having very little room for involvement in problem-solving tasks.
Successful parenting may be judged by many different standards. Raising a child to be a respectful, mature, and independent adult requires a great deal of effort. There are several parenting styles, and not all lead a child to reaching their full potential. Overpowering sternness leads may lead to a rebellious child, while passive parenting may lead children to inept for the challenges of adulthood. Parenting requires more than teaching children submissiveness, or building of self-importance. Children learn best from a role model who is admirable. Parenting is a great opportunity to set the course of one’s entire life in the right direction.
The first type of parenting style is called authoritarian. In this parenting style the parents are the boss. They make strict rules and they enforce them. They focus more on restrictions than a loving relationship with their child. They believe it is their job as parents to catch their children being bad and punish them. These parents use external control on their children instead of taking time to tell the kid what they did wrong and why they should not do it again. Something these parents do not realize is that they do not catch their kids being good. Authoritarian parents are firm and unsympathetic. Authoritarian parents love to use discipline.
Authoritarian parents, show very little acceptance, have very high expectations of their children and are extremely controlling. These parents are strict, and use a prohibitive and punishment method. According to a research done by Kimberly Kopko from Cornell University, it “reveals that adolescents of authoritarian parents learn that following parental rules and adherence to strict discipline is valued over independent behavior. As a result, adolescents may become rebellious or dependent” (2). The adolescents who come to be rebellious may showcase hostile behaviors, while those who are passive are likely to stay relying on their parents (2).
Researches have concluded that “Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem” (Cherry)....
The basic way of tough love is set firm limits, follow through on appropriate consequences, and teach teens how to respond for what they did or their behaviors. Bill Milliken wrote a book on Tough Love in 1968. He said that kids are not dumb to know this lesson of tough love is non sense. Instead their parents spoil them, but they are also harder with them. But these lessons repeat over and over again, they start to believe their parents do it because they want the best for them.
Authoritarian-parents who are punitive and focus on gaining a child's obedience to parental demands rather than responding to the demands of the child.Authoritarian parenting styles give little to no options to a child. What the parent says goes. It is a rigid approach to raising children that may have been most effective in times of great famine or toil. It was used most commonly in large, traditional families in which the father was the patriarch, and everyone else was called to follow his command. Times have changed greatly since. Doctors see a problem with this approach in modern times,it creates a distance between parent and child in which the child doubts the parent's love for him. It is based on punishment, which can easily create anger.
Authoritarian parenting, is low on warmth/nurturance, harsh, and strict on discipline, and high on expectation. Parents instruct and order, they do not consider the children 's opinion as a group, and discourage verbal give-and-take. With this parenting style, children are more susceptible to antisocial peer pressure during adolescence, a time when peer influence is the greatest. Boys in this category have the highest level of violence. Teenagers become less self-reliant, persistent, socially poised, and have lower self-esteem.
Tough love has much strength and several promising benefits to gain once applied while raising teenagers and young adults. Nevertheless, the key words I would use to search for information on this topic would be for starters parenting, guidance, respect, endurance, and last but not least tough love. According to unit 2’s read section “when selecting keywords, you should choose key words that best describe your thesis” VanderMey,R & Kemper,D. (2012). Consequently, parenting can be overwhelming and challenging when it comes to tough love. Parenting skills vary from one household to another.
All parents are deficient from time to time and no parent can be emotionally available all the time to their children. It is perfectly normal for parents to yell at their children once in a while. Some parents may be controlling while some resort to physical discipline, but as long as the child receives plenty of love and understands why the discipline took place (Forward,1989). The question that lies ahead is: Does all of these options portray the parent as “cruel or unfit” to raise a child? Of course not. The saying “Spare the rod, spoil the child” stands true. Without discipline or order in the household, the child feels that there is no boundaries and can react in any form that he or she wants to without fearing the consequences. But, there is a distinct line between “discipline” and “abuse” which will be explained in the next chapter.
This paper will explore the strict parenting whether it has positive effects or negative effects on children. Before I begin my discussion, I want to ask you a question. How do you define an authoritarian parent? In response to this question, you can think about someone who has a complete control over his or her children. According to Kendra Cherry, the author of “What Is Authoritarian Parenting?”, she explains that, “Authoritarian Parenting is a style characterized by high demands and low responsiveness.” In this sentence, authoritarian parenting, also known as helicopter parenting, is parents who force their children to follow their needs without any explanations, so their children must be under their regulations even though children do not