What Is Mating In Captivity

The book I’ve chosen to read is Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. In this book Esther Perel begins to describe how eroticism plays an important role in committed relationships. She brings forth the many ideas. Like as people enter long term relationships, as they become more intimate and stable. The comfort and closeness turns out to be its own antithesis for what makes encounters in their relationship. She say, “Love rests on two pillars surrender and autonomy.” Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With to much distance, there would be no connection but with no distance at all it becomes overwhelming. When couples have nothing more to transcend, no bridge

Many people complain about being in a boring marriage, sexless marriage but do nothing to make it better. In the book Esther Perel, suggests many ways you can prevent this from happening. One is allowing yourself to be free and honest. Don’t be ashamed to say what you want and to go after what you want. Erotic intimacy can be a act of generosity and self-centeredness, of giving and taking.

Second is where imagination goes into play. Erotic imagination is an exuberant expression of our aliveness, and one of the most powerful tools we have for keeping desire alive. Bringing the erotic into your life is best seen as, “A paradox to manage, not a problem to solve,” and this can only work if you acknowledge that an erotic life needs attention to thrive (much like your relationship does). By being honest and giving voice to our needs it liberates us from many personal and social obstacles that stand in the way of us getting excitement in our relationships.

Why I choose this

We were together for 2 years and we’re both really committed to each other. Things just started to go downhill and we both didn’t know how to fix the problems we were having. After reading the book, I found a lot of things in common with my relationship. Such as, there was no separation between us, there was love but no desire anymore. He was pushing himself away from me and my first thought was to get even closer. Thinking it bring him back closer to me and it didn’t. I made him a really big part of my world and I completely lost track of myself. In the past 2 years of our relationship, I lost my dad and my grandma and it was really hard for me. When this happen, I just gravitate to him more because he was the easiest person to talk to. I had stop going out with friends so often and a lot of my family stopped talking because I was distant. After reading the book, I learnt that was probably the worst thing I could do. Although, it is probably too late fix the relationship I had, I’m glad I read the book. It gives me the idea of where I went wrong and what I need to work on in my future