Markman, Stanley, And Blugler's Fighting For Your Marriage

Intimacy and sex are topics many couples fail to talk about when there are issues surrounding it. It is a subject which is considered taboo, and when issues arise in a marriage, if they are not addressed, they can cause a major rift between the couple. Dr. Degler is a Christian psychologist, life coach, and author who hosts a website and blog called Healthy Relationships Rx. It provides the everyday Christian wife with the advice and tools she might need in order to add spice into her marriage and bedroom. The book, Fighting for your Marriage, by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg (2010) also provides couples with a better understanding of the important role intimacy plays in a marriage. Marriage is a union entered in by two people who love

First, it is important to distinguish the difference between sexuality and sensuality. When some people think of sexuality, the brain automatically thinks orgasms and penetration. But, when we think about sensuality, all of the senses become engaged. Touch, taste, smell, and feel can all become a form of foreplay. When you take foreplay or sensuality out of the equation, “couples have no way of intimately connecting unless they have sex” (Markman et al., 2010, p.272). This can introduce pressure to the sexual relationship which will also allow room for anxiety. “Numerous studies suggest that anxiety is the key inhibiting factor to arousal” (Markman et al., 2010, p. 277). There are two types of anxiety - performance anxiety and conflict. When a person is focusing soley on his or her performance, Markman et al., (2010) suggests that it puts “emotional distance between you and your partner. This kind of detachment can lead to the most common sexual problems that people experience” (p. 277). A few of these problems are difficulty having an orgasm, lack of erection or arousal, and pre-ejaculation. Conflict is the other source for anxiety. When a couple is arguing all the time and having trouble getting along, the desire for intimacy is lost. “It is important that you agree to keep problems and disagreements off-limits when you are being sensual or making love” (Markman et al., 2010, p. 278). If your partner has a complete lack of interest in sex, it can be a side effect of a hidden issue. It can be a stressful time at work, he or she could be depressed, drinking, or suffering from another type of illness that affect one’s sex drive. Try to figure out if it is health related, and if it is not, then look more at the