As a child grows into adulthood, we learn and develop with the help of those around us. We rely on love, positive influence, and trust. Mighty oaks from little acorns grow; but a tree does not grow without help. Without water, sunlight, or air, a little acorn remains just that. Growing up without a father, I often felt similar to an acorn missing water, but as I grew older I realized that wasn’t the case. I had water, but it wasn’t rain. If I were an acorn, then I sprouted in a community garden. As I grew into a sapling, and the rain stopped falling, the community would help me grow. From my mother: the sun in the sky, to my grandparents: who kept me warm when the night was long, to my stepfather who could only be described as the fertilizer who made me strong, who taught me lessons that could be taught by nobody else, I was able to grow with a better life than any acorn could dream of.
Occasionally, I wonder how life would have been different had he stayed, and in recent times I have connected more dots as to the man he is through my interactions with him. As far as I can remember, I’ve spoken with him on the phone three times, and he has texted me intermittently since I’ve had a phone of my own. The most recent of these calls is one I will never forget. On Monday, January
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He wasn’t happy in life, he had demons of his own. Hearing from me was less painful for him than it was to know innately that he had made mistakes he could never fix. So no matter the deceptive, manipulative, self-centered, self-deprecating things he has done since, whether it was attempting to use my half-brothers with his lies, or using his conversations with me as a way to pay pocket change in child support, or texting me occasionally in a brazen act of cowardice, attempting to use me yet again, I don’t allow him to hurt me, for if I am to be a mighty oak someday, I can’t get mad at the birds who poop on my
For twelve years I’ve tried to hide my pain and fear from you. I’ve been trying to ignore the horror stories, unknowingly blinding myself from the stories of hope. I’m not as bitter as this story may lead you to think. In fact, I am an adamant believer in the statement (overheard three years ago in the Coffee House): “God has never taken anything away from me that he hasn’t replaced with something better.”
In the short story The Father by Hugh Garner there is boy who’s father is not involved in his life. This is mostly because he is always drunk. Because of this Johnny, the father’s son, has not really been able to connect with his father. He is never there for Johnny when he needs him and is always embarrassing him. This made me really sad as I cannot imagine living without a loving father. I do not think that anyone should have to live without the care of their father. I can only imagine how sad that Johnny must have felt to not have a good father in his life. It must have been very hard for Johnny to see all of the other scout and their father’s at the banquet, knowing that he would never have a good father-son relationship with his dad. The fact that he did not feel comfortable asking his dad to come to the scouts banquet himself,
Adults can provide a foundation from which children can grow, but they can provide only
A child’s destiny crucially and heavily relies on the parental figures in their lives. Without such beacons of authority children in these broken homes easily feel partial, mislaid and typically turn out to be errant. The novel “Father Cry” by William Wilson, beautifully covers both the ideas of spiritual parental figures and physical parental figures. Analyzing several different subjects such as heartbreak, love, hope and many more, this book is able to holistically cover the general subject of parenthood. This is an amazing book with many things that one can learn from. Many ideas and topics in this book opened my eyes, pushing me to the verge of tears in some parts. That being said, one subject in particular that most impacted me was the
If you take away a mother or a father, you cause suffering and despair. But one time in ten, despair rises as an indomitable force. You see the giant and the shepherd in the Valley of Elah, and your eye is drawn to the man with sword and shield and the glittering armor. But so much of what is beautiful and valuable in the world comes from the shepherd, who has more strength and purpose than we ever imagined” (Gladwell 346). Remote misses are what makes our society full of teachers who through their pain create a better thought-out world; a world of remote misses.
...ther materialistic indulgences. As children, we begin to grow accustomed to a certain lifestyle. The transition into adulthood can prove to be incredibly challenging if we have an unrealistic expectation of how our needs are met, due to the sense of entitlement our parents instilled. In contrast to the involved parent, the absent parent may neglect several, if not all, of their parental duties, being physically, emotionally and financially absent from their child’s life. This often bears resentment in the child that can transcend long into adulthood. As children, we blame our parents for our misfortunes; the absent parent is no exception. Rather than accept personal responsibility, many often use the absent parent as a scapegoat for not achieving one’s full potential. Whether present throughout our lives or not, Americans have deep rooted parental dependency issues.
In most of my classes I’ve always heard that your parents are the most important people in your life and I truly believe this. People are affected by everything their parents say and do both in childhood and later on in adulthood. If a child is constantly looked down upon and made to believe that nothing they do is good enough, chances are they will grow up believing this and having low confidence. It is remarkable that a child David’s age fought himself from breaking down, dissolving into tears and giving up hope for a better future. David constantly worked towards or rather survived because of a dream, a dream t hat he was a prince and that every...
I met him at the Hawthorne high-school’s orientation. October 3, 2012, was the official date and months of being with him, for the first time ever he made me feel something I’ve never felt before. He was the first guy I ever came to love. I can go on about this, but I’m not going into detail about what happened those years. Let’s just wrap up that story to the simple truth, he left me. I had invested all my time and attention towards him, that I began to care less about school. I was never expecting it, or maybe I was. It hurt. Looking at him hurt. I remember coming home and crying my heart out. I was devastated. It was something I’ve never wanted to experience. I sobbed and sobbed that night, and gripped onto my pillow and shouted into them, hiding the cries. I felt empty when I awoke the next day. My eyes were swollen, and I felt an empty void. I felt dead. We didn’t speak to each other after that. Months passed, and I was keeping myself occupied with work and friends, I finally was learning how to move on, on my own. I finally came to find my happiness through realization. They say somethings happen for a reason. It’s either a
In the midst of a gentle rain while these thoughts prevailed, I was suddenly sensible of such sweet and beneficent society in Nature, in the very pattering of the drops, and in every sound and sight around my house, an infinite and unaccountable friendliness all at once like an atmosphere sustaining me, as made the fancied advantages of human neighborhood insignificant, and I have never thought of them since. Every little pine needle expanded and swelled with sympathy and befriended me. (88-89)
Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree” written in the 1960’s, is a short illustrated story that is cherished dearly by children and admired by adults (Kimmel 1). The Giving Tree is about the relationship between a loving apple tree and a playful little boy, which represents the relationship between a parent and child; however, the reader is able to decipher a much deeper meaning by looking at the story closely. Moreover, Silverstein uses the characters in “The Giving Tree” to demonstrate the parents’ unconditional love for their children; the lively apple tree portrays how giving a person too much support can hinder them from attaining full independence, and also shows how unconditional love can be damaging both psychologically and physical.
The role of the father, a male figure in a child’s life is a very crucial role that has been diminishing over the years. An absent father can be defined in two ways; the father is physically not present, or the father is physically present, but emotionally present. To an adolescent, a father is an idolized figure, someone they look up to (Feud, 1921), thus when such a figure is an absent one, it can and will negatively affect a child’s development. Many of the problems we face in society today, such as crime and delinquency, poor academic achievement, divorce, drug use, early pregnancy and sexual activity can be attributed to fathers being absent during adolescent development (Popenoe, 1996; Whitehead, 1993). The percentage of adolescents growing up fatherless has risen from 17% to 36% in just three decades between 1960 and 1990 (Popenoe, 1996). Dr. Popenoe estimates this number will increase to approximately 50% by the turn of the century (Popenoe, 1996). The US Census Bureau reported out of population of 24 million children, 1 out 3 live in a home without a father (US Census Bureau, 2009).
My father was always there for me, whether I wanted him to be or not. Most of the time, as an adolescent trying to claim my independence, I saw this as a problem. Looking back I now realize it was a problem every child needs, having a loving father. As hard as I tried to fight it, my dad instilled in me the good values and work ethic to be an honest and responsible member of society. He taught me how to be a good husband. He taught me how to be a good father. He taught me how to be a man. It has been 18 years since my father’s death, and I am still learning from the memories I have of him.
By the time spring came, my father was regaining his strength. My father and I tilled and prepared the soil, then began planting the seeds. Though I wanted them to sprout immediately, they had their own timetable. When they finally did, I was so excited to see them pushing their way up through the dirt and climbing towards the sun. We cared for the seedlings, giving them manure, aerating the soil, watering them daily, doing everything we could so they would keep growing. But my father would point out that the first rule of gardening is that we are not in control. We can only wait and watch and enjoy each moment. As the plants grew stronger, I felt myself growing stronger as well. Slowly, I was learning to wait and coming to understand that the growth process, like life itself, has a force and rhythm of its own, and that I could rely on it.
When my friend introduced me to you. My friends were so obsessed and entangled by the wonders you did for them. If I can recall they said you took them to new places and down new paths. They talked about how you healed their sorrows and pain. I could not resist the temptation. Never once did I talk to my parents about my encounters which were influenced by you. What a fool I was. You severely disheartened my life, turned me evil. All my ambitions that inspired me were lost. You and your sharp eyes stabbed me right in the arm. It also stabbed the people I loved right in the arm too. Although, it was so amazing how dependent on you I was during my youth. These memories still sting like a violent slap across the face.
On June 13, 2011, I woke up a happy and excited 17 year old for it was my graduation day and that meant no more high school, no more nagging teachers, and no more drama. I met my friends and my boyfriend Andrew in the school parking lot and away we went to practice graduation. After we had practiced walking and getting our diplomas we all went to lunch and discussed what we had wanted to do with the rest of our lives. After what we had thought to be one of the last lunches together I went to Andrews house to hang out for a bit. We talked about him going away and me staying here and all of the normal stuff that applies in a relationship when one goes away.