Triple X

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Recommended: Abraham Lincoln as a cultural icon

Triple X

Original Budget $50,000,000, or the annual per capita income of 250,000 people in Nepal.

Who owns it: Sony

Number of Sony plugs: about a half dozen, if you include Tony Hawk, who is more or less owned by Sony

Number of total plugs: enough to make my ass hurt. Twice.

Length: 2:04 or long enough to make you seriously wander what the hell is point to go on living.

Before sitting down and spending 2 hours of my life to watch "Triple X", I had previously heard a few friends, acquaintances, and others describe the action movies of Vin Diesel, including "Triple X" as "cool", "sexy", "fun", "good", and, perhaps above all, "exciting" (ok, Pitch Black is almost watchable). If you happen to be one of these individuals, I would like to kindly ask that in the future, you actually take the time to watch a movie before speaking positively about it to me. It is pure intellectual dishonesty to do otherwise, which is what obviously happened regarding "Triple X", a movie which could only be spoken positively of by those who haven't seen it. Or, as a friend of mine commented, "Triple X" acts as a good retard test, because if you really do like this movie, you're retarded.

The movie has some problems. These include plot, acting, script, dialogue, and pacing. But we will forgive all those. This is a mindless action movie after all, and being a bad movie is par for the action genre course. "Triple X" isn't just a bad movie, it is a *terrible* action flick, ranking in wretchedness with the likes of Rambo III. Why? Several reasons follow, in no particular order.

Middle class skate/punk/psuedo-rebel/"extreme"/hardcore-straightedge/wanker niche market

This movie tries so hard to hit this target audience I actually felt like someone was trying to molest a child while watching this. This movie might score the highest corporate plug per scene ratio of any movie I've ever seen. And, unlike say Austin Powers, it does it completely straight-forward, even writing in plugs at key parts (insofar as they can exist) of the movie directly into the dialogue. Most notably here is the "Stop thinking secret agent and start think playstation" (at least something very close to that) towards the end of the movie when he picks up the random heat seeking bazooka which, when fired, targets *the heat from a burning cigarette* as opposed to the collected body heat of Diesel and company.

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