Theories Of Attachment

Attachment is a term used to describe an emotional bond that one person forms with a specific other person. Attachment theory is based on the premise that it is in our first relationship, usually with our mothers, that much of our future well-being is determined. This first and foundational relationship, between infant and mother (or other primary caregiver), establishes belief systems about relationships that shape a person’s expectations, beliefs and behaviors for all future relationships. When a person attaches to another person, he will usually try to be near that person and interact in many ways. Infants show their attachment through proximity-seeking behaviors, such as approaching and following the caregiver and climbing onto the caregiver’s

The parent can immediately begin to try to attune more with his child by providing a safe haven, the active support that caregivers offer to facilitate a child’s exploration and increasing independence, and a secure base, the empathy and emotional responsiveness that an attachment figure reliably offers when a young child is frightened, distressed or vulnerable. Alongside more intentionally attuning to the child’s needs, the parent can also be working toward their own secure attachment. As a counselor to the parent, this is where we can help the most. Securely attached individuals beget securely attached children. Furthermore, research indicates that insecure individuals (such as the child) who are in a relationship with a secure individual begin to exhibit more secure attachment behaviors. Ultimately, the best thing we can offer the parent is the opportunity to work through his own attachment issues. We can help the parent come to terms with his own childhood experiences and make sense of the impact the past has had on his present and future. It is important for the parent to develop a coherent narrative about what happened in his family of origin and the impact it has had on his decisions that he may unconsciously have made about how to ‘be’ in the world. As the parent “earns” secure attachment, he provides his child with a corrective experience. Parents with “earned” adult attachment are able to connect with their children in a caring and consistent manner, as they have ‘earned’ the ability to be more free and flexible in their responses, as a result of their reflection and understanding of their own childhoods. The result is secure attachment for their