Theme Of Deception In Bridges Not Walls

Throughout chapter nine of Bridges Not Walls, the concepts of deception, betrayal, and defensiveness are all explained with a more in depth approach that I had never thought of before. These three concepts are all different, but they can all be tied together in many situations. “Deception can vary from blatant lies to indirect actions such as exaggerations and false implications.” At some point in life, all of us are subject to being involved with some type of deception. In communication, it takes two people in a conversation to co-construct a lie. The deceiver and the deceived both make the lie possible. As explained in chapter nine, there are six motives for deception: egoism, benevolence, utility, exploitation, malevolence, and regress.

His girlfriend, the deceiver, committed the act, but my friend helped create the lie by defending her actions, and not believing she had betrayed him. As more time went on, I tried to convince him that he should both confront her, and try to resolve matters, or move on from the relationship. He finally agreed with me that it was time to expose her deception and betrayal. She had been seeing another guy, and telling my friend that she was with friends, or she had to stay late at work. When he came home to confront her, he could not find her anywhere, and she would not answer any text messages or calls. Of course this made him worried, and he even called the police to report a missing person. She told him that she was out shopping for Christmas gifts, but in reality she was with the other guy. Yet again, my friend fell for her deception, and continued to convince himself she was not doing anything wrong. I understand why he tried to defend her, as this is a common thing for people when they have been in a relationship for such a long time like they have

Even though she knew what she did was wrong by having an affair, she believed it would be better if she lied to my friend to keep from hurting his feelings. In Bridges Not Walls, this is referred to as benevolence, and by some researchers this is considered a positive motive for lying to someone. Although that sounds thoughtful, it is better to just be truthful in a relationship because the long lasting effects after deception can often lead to termination of the relationship. My friend began to realize he had been deceived, and he told me he was ready to expose her deception and betrayal, and move on from the relationship. I supported him fully, but moving on from a five year relationship is harder than just saying the words. After he confronted her about this, she realized she had messed up, and tried her best to apologize to him. This is also a common theme from the deceiver when they have been