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Taima Al-Iriani
ACPI, P1
November 16,2015 The Radical Idea of Marrying for love
“The Radical Idea of Marrying for love” by Coontz, talked about different definitions of marriage according to different cultures. She also talked about love, marriage, and the relationship between them. Coontz focused on the definitions of “Happily Ever after” and how different people view it. Problems are common between all couples, and Coontz talked about the different problems couples used to go through in ancient ages. The article began by defining marriage as “an institution that brings together two people”, according to George Bernard shaw, and “rarely in history has love been seen as the main reason for getting married”(4).
Historians and sociologists
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Also, Catholic and Protestant theologians believed that husbands and wives shouldn’t love each other too much because it was considered to be a sin of idolatry. According to Coontz, Muslims were more approving of the sexual passion between husband and wife than Christians. They also thought that too much intimacy between a husband and his wife weakened a believer's devotion to God. Men used to marry more than one wife because love was rarely the main reason for a happy marriage. Some women speak about how wonderful and lucky it is to be the “love wife”, but not many experience that. Taita men usually marry their love wife after they’re married multiple …show more content…
In China, a woman brought her sister to her husband’s home as a backup wife. Americans’ idea about polygamy was that it wasn’t acceptable. Also, Chinese ideas about a good wife in the 1900s were that she didn’t bother her husband with news about her feelings. She would also treat him as a guest no matter for how long they had been married.
“A woman can always get another husband, but she has only one brother, “was a popular saying in 1930s , by a Kiowa Indian woman (9). It proved how family bonds were very important to them. The word love referred to feelings toward God or neighbors, but never to a partner. In China, the bond between son with his father still is stronger than the bond between the son with wife.
Coontz concluded by speaking about “ The Revolutionary Implications of The Love Match”. The critics of love match argued that the values of free choice could easily spin out of control. There was also a fear that the pursuit of personal happiness could undermine self-discipline, and it took a hundred years for the contradictions that gave rise to these fears to pose a serious threat to the stability of the new system of
Because of this, many people snuck off to mountains to sing songs and committing suicide with someone they love, rather than spending the rest of their lives with someone they don’t. This became so well-known across China that Lijiang became known as the city of lover’s suicides. Today these stories are all a thing of the past, and getting married has become a traditional thing. Some even believe that women having multiple lovers and were held to such a high status is all just a made up theory. Years ago anthropologists traveled up the mountain from Lijiang to visit a group of people known as the Moso. The first thing noticed when arriving is the way women acting. Most Chinese women at this time are shy, and don’t speak much, while these women are vocal and open. Also, these women work all day, doing everything that their families require, while the men only work when there is something that needs to be done. When asked about it the women just say that it has always been this way, and actually prefer it, they have a big sense of pride for the work they do. The story this custom is said to originate from is there was one a boy that loved working around the house, but the women teased him for this making him feel weak and
Human beings are not isolated individuals. We do not wander through a landscape of trees and dunes alone, reveling in our own thoughts. Rather, we need relationships with other human beings to give us a sense of support and guidance. We are social beings, who need talk and company almost as much as we need food and sleep. We need others so much, that we have developed a custom that will insure company: marriage. Marriage assures each of us of company and association, even if it is not always positive and helpful. Unfortunately, the great majority of marriages are not paragons of support. Instead, they hold danger and barbs for both members. Only the best marriages improve both partners. So when we look at all three of Janie’s marriages, only her marriage to Teacake shows the support, guidance, and love.
Is marriage really important? There is a lot of controversy over marriage and whether it is eminent. Some people believe it is and some people believe it is not. These opposing opinions cause this controversy. “On Not Saying ‘I do’” by Dorian Solot explains that marriage is not needed to sustain a relationship or a necessity to keep it healthy and happy. Solot believes that when a couple gets married things change. In “For Better, For Worse”, Stephanie Coontz expresses that marriage is not what is traditional in society because it has changed and is no longer considered as a dictator for people’s lives. The differences between these two essays are the author’s writing style and ideas.
Bill Cosby once said that, “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” J.J. Lewis (1995-2009) This famous comedian could not have been more correct when recognizing that every marriage will face a multiple number of challenges and is often difficult. Couples, once married, must find a way to end any struggles in order for the marriage to be successful. Marital traditions have changed greatly over the centuries and due to this, the opinion of what an ‘ideal marriage” consists of has changed as well. When reviewing the document “On Love and Marriage” the author (a Merchant of Paris) believes that marriage should not be an equal partnership, but one that pleases the husband to avoid conflict. This can be clearly seen through an examination of: the social, and political environment of the late fourteenth century, and the merchant’s opinions on the area of obedience to a husband, and how to avoid infidelity.
A History of Marriage by Stephanie Coontz speaks of the recent idealization of marriage based solely on love. Coontz doesn’t defame love, but touches on the many profound aspects that have created and bonded marriages through time. While love is still a large aspect Coontz wants us to see that a marriage needs more solid and less fickle aspects than just love. The first chapter begins with an exploration of love and marriage in many ancient and current cultures.
In the article, “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love” author Stephanie Coontz argues that love is not a good enough reason to get married. People shouldn’t marry just because they love one another, Coontz suggests that perhaps marriage should be based on how well a couple gets along and whether or not if the significant other is accepted by the family. One will notice in the article that Coontz makes it very clear that she is against marrying because of love. In the article is a bit of a history lesson of marriage and love within different cultures from all over the world. Coontz then states her thesis in the very end of the article which is that the European and American ways of marriage is the
Women go from being controlled by their parents to their husband and then their sons. If she is unfortunate enough to lose her husband, then she should either stay celibate or kill herself. Sister Xianglin is a perfect example of how women in the traditional Chinese and Confucian culture are discriminated against and take advantage of. For example, Sister Xianglin was never referred to by her real name, because no one knew or cared enough to know Sister Xianglin’s real name, her husband had died and yet people still refer to her as his property (227). Sister Xianglin was an extremely hard worker. Although she was “more capable than a hardworking man”, and yet she was not considered an equal (227). Even though she had run away from her mother-in-law, Sister Xianglin was forced to return with her, because she was still her husband's property (227). She had no control over her life and yet would constantly be blamed and tormented for
In Aldrous Huxley’s A Brave New World, pleasure is the main driving force in life. The government uses tools such as the wonder drug soma and the endorphins naturally released during and after sexual intercourse to keep the minds of their well-tended flock off of matters that might concern them if they had not previously been conditioned to resort to a vice the moment that they begin to conceive an ill thought. Lenina 's adulation of John, the Savage, is perhaps one of the more obvious triggers of soma usage within the novel. Lenina does not understand John 's concept of love, and attempts to show her affection in the only way she knows how, and that is by having sex with him. She thinks this is a normal act, but for him, it is sanctity. John believes that one should only express their passion through sex if they are married as is the custom on the reservation. This leads John to call Lenina many obscene names and to send her into the tender arms of soma instead. She merely wishes him to reciprocate her advances, which she would take as meaning that he was happy to be with her. She simply wants the both of them to be joyous in their carnal revelry but “Happiness is a hard master – particularly other people 's happiness. A much harder master, if one isn 't conditioned to accept it unquestioningly, than truth” (Huxley 227, Brave New World). John and Lenina are very different people however, as Lenina tells Bernard “I don 't understand … why you don 't take
The negative experience of P’u Sung-Ling and his wife found on page 78 is a result of this cultural difference. In America we would think it very odd for several brothers and their wives to all reside in the same house along with mom and dad. However, in this culture we are reading about, it is normal and benefits the family as well as the community. This way of doing things seems to provide more protection as well as more stability in carrying out the duties required to run an estate. The entire family is dependent on each other. In America however, it may be seen as shameful to be dependent on the rest of your family. We encourage individual success and doing things on one’s own.
But one begins to detect a new theme emerging in society, especially amongst the Chinese reformers: the theme of individualism opposed to familialism. Today, would the Confucian family be more and more aware of abuse of women and children? Rituals and traditions can be seen as both positive and negative. The ways in which women suffered affirm that some rituals were abusive. There are multiple signs indeed that something has gone badly wrong with the Chinese family traditions that led to family instability.
The role of the Chinese family in pre-modern China included thoughts centered on Confucian thought and methods. The Chinese family followed different methods of Confucian thought and the division of family responsibilities in China developed because of it. The original text of Confucius that dictated the roles of filial piety in China did not specify gender dichotomy but the implications led Chinese scholars to distinguish the position of men following filial values from women. Pre-Modern China had the dominative power of dozens of dynasties. Confucianism developed ideologically during the Spring and Autumn Period (722-476BC) as an intellectual movement. Although Confucianism’s beliefs stem from the thought of acceptance involving humanities right to learn and grown through personal understanding and knowledge of outside influences there is a division between the male and female tasks in filial piety. The woman’s place in pre-modern Chinese society always depended on the male figure in the household unless the woman held an elder position. In most cases, women under Confucian control had little direction in life that men did not manage. In this paper, I will discuss the relationship among self, community, society, and the state as well as the gender relations and definitions of public and private spaces between men and women in China.
Marriage a la Mode, by John Dryden, is an ode to the concept of marriage and love within the period of Restoration England. Dryden, presumably, presents two pairs of couples, Rhodophil and Doralice, as well as Melantha and Palamede, in a way that expresses an imperative tone towards marital relations. Throughout the playwright, he uses these couples and their mistresses to allocate the issue of broken, miserable, thorny marriages. Although marriage was common, there was a strong presence of moral emancipation, which Dryden presents through these relationships. These themes of dissatisfaction and obligation towards the concept of marriage are noted throughout the playwright, as Dryden uncovers how each character feels.
The Western Religious leaders and moralists believe only one spouse for life is the highest form of marriage. Some of the most "primitive" peoples are strictly monogamous in their ideals, while some "highly advanced" cultures have moved away from the stri...
They make blissful lives for themselves despite societal and financial limitations. In my dissertation I will discuss how marrying for love has a positive impact on the welfare of all characters and the fact that financial security is not the only key to