Katherine's Struggle: The Incongruity of Self-Concept

Katherine’s ideal self was a woman who had a successful career and a family life; she wanted to have a husband, children, and a career. These attributes were different from her real self-concept. Her real self was without a husband, children, or a career. As a result of this incongruence between her real self and ideal self, Katherine lacked positive self-regard. She was bounded by the commands of her husband, who disapproved of and ridiculed her dreams to own a business. Her husband was insistent that she had to take care of him, which made her feel incompetent and made her dependent, and later divorced her. The seriousness of her neurosis is observed when she intentionally missed her 10th high school reunion due to the fear of being judged of her lack of success and accomplishments by her classmates. Due to the lack of positive self-regard, she was afraid that others would either make fun of or pity her. The incongruence between her perceived self and ideal self affected her condition of worth, she thought that if she was successful, she would have been accepted by others.

2. Teenage Katherine had dreams and ambitions for her future. This ambitions were the results of a childhood with unconditional positive regard. She was probably brought up with positive regard, which

Allen’s perceived and ideal self are different because he experienced conditions of worth. Conditions of worth is a belief that we are worthy of approval only when we seek desirable behaviors and attitudes that are according to others and disapproving what that is undesirable to others. In Allen’s case, he is doing what his family, wife, coworkers expect and want him to do. Instead of following what he wanted to do, which is to go to college and become a teacher, he is doing what his parents expect him to do, which is to find a job and settle down. This conditional positive regard caused him to be unsatisfied with his life, and a difference in his perceived and ideal