When a parent shows their approval of a child and their talents, young people never learn to limit their talents. In the novel, The Kite Runner, the narrator Amir tries really hard to gain his father, Baba’s, approval, which affects his decisions in many instances. Overall, it will be told how parent approval affects children, whether in a good way or otherwise, how parent approval influences a child’s behavior and their decisions, and how conditional approval harms children. The theme of parental approval impacting child development can be found in The Kite Runner and American society.
First and foremost, parent approval is a positive rating on how the child behaves and their decisions. “Parent approval and disapproval inform the child whether
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or not he or she is growing in a healthy and constructive way, based on what parents believe "healthy" and "constructive" are”. (Pickhardt) Approval is based off the parent’s values, essentially. “Approval varies based on parental perception and child conduct. Approval is awarded. Approval is earned. "Sometimes you do better or worse than at other times"(Pickhardt). When parents give their approval or otherwise it’s mostly based off what they believe and what they’d like their child to believe as well. Everyone has different views and beliefs, because of this parents would have different ways of parenting and think some things warrant approval while others don’t. But, that doesn’t mean all parents warrant the same things as earning approval or disapproval. In the light of approval is based on children’s behavior and decisions, parent approval ends up affecting how the child behaves and what decisions they make. “Positive parental approval can have significant long-term effects not only on a child's sense of self but also on their ability to make decisions later in life”(Brozak). Parent approval is one of the most sought-after things by a child. I, personally, also seek my mother’s approval. I know it has affected me plenty through out my younger years, but it has mostly impacted me during my teen years, as well. Brozak speaks with Rosa Maria Mulser, Phd., post-doctoral resident in child psychology at Kreinbrook Psychological Services in Greensburg, Pa., and according to her, research has shown that the initial effects of appropriate parental approval can be seen before your child even reaches their first birthday. "If a parent disregards or disapproves of a child’s basic needs or is inconsistent in her responses in the early stages of child development, the child becomes more passive, anxious and withdrawn," Dr. Mulser advises. A parent’s early interactions with their child are critical to their emotional development. Equally important, conditional approval can harm children.
“The point of conditional approval is to control a child’s behavior. We want them to stop or start doing something and we show our approval or disapproval”(Brett). Parents show their approval as a way to influence their child. For example, a child’s behavior includes the way the child dresses, talks, or friends. “The child begins to understand that continued love and goodwill from adults depends on pleasing the adult. They begin to look outside of themselves for love and approval. This control may well result in external motivation” (Brett). There’s research that shows that external motivation is more likely to lead to lower self-worth, destructive behavior, a lack of trust in their own judgment, and overall lower mental health. Five reasons to avoid external motivation is because “It’s temporary, kills any interests that were there before, the goals shifts to the rewards” (or in this instance, parents approval) “people end up doing the bare minimum it takes to gain the reward, and it shuts down learning”(Muir). Kids who expect to gain a reward or are expecting something, like parent approval, just doesn’t seem to perform as well as a kid who doesn’t expect anything. That might be due to the stress the [reward] puts on the child and leaves them unmotivated or overwhelmed and in turn, makes them do sub-par …show more content…
work. By the same token, the theme of parental approval impacting child development can be found in The Kite Runner via the relationship between Baba and Amir.
Other people’s approval is very obviously important to Amir, Baba’s approval being the main one. Amir has everything, the only thing he feels like he doesn’t have is his father’s love and approval. Amir believes Baba wants him to be more like him, like wanting to be good at sports instead of reading and writing and blames him for his mother’s death. With this in mind, Amir acts out in jealousy towards anyone who has Baba’s attention, like Hassan. In the book, it states, “the resolution that I would win that winter's tournament. I was going to win. There was no other viable option. I was going to win, and I was going to run that last kite. Then I'd bring it home and show it to Baba. Show him once and for all that his son was worthy”. In that instance, Amir sacrifices Hassan in order to get the blue kite because he thinks as long as he can bring the blue kite back to Baba it will earn him his approval. All that Amir could think of was making Baba proud, resulting in Amir making a cowardice choice that he regrets all his
life. All things considered, the impact of parental approval in children development is evident. Parents can approve and/or disapprove of their child’s behavior and decisions based off of what they believe themselves, in turn, this ends up influencing the child’s behavior and decisions; while all of this can also harm the child. This all matters because by the time a child becomes an adult they could very well have long-term effects that have been ingrained into them because of what their parent decided to approve and disapprove of; whether these effects are positive or negative depending on how the parent decided to teach the child. Parents should realize their role in their child’s life and very carefully consider who they want their child to be and how they want them to view themselves rather than how the parent views them.
Throughout Amir’s journey to absolve himself from the internal and distressing pain he has felt ever since witnessing the devastating altercation in the alley, trying to reach a standard his father, Baba, would approve of also took a toll on his childhood. Baba often speaks of how he cannot fathom the fact that Amir is a part of his bloodline. (quotes quotes quotes) Trying to achieve the perfect son status that Baba wanted Amir to be clouded his mind so greatly that, during the moment, Amir did not show compassion towards Hassan’s troubling moment of need. What matter most was retrieving the last fallen kite to his father to prove he was not a mistake that Baba made Amir believe he was. Even after Baba’s death, his actions brought more despair and uncertainty to Amir’s complicated life. The secrets and lies that were kept from Amir and even Hassan could have altered the fate of both men. (quote quote quote) Throughout the novel, Amir could arguably be considered as selfish, rude and mean toward his half-brother Hassan. However, since Baba never told the two about their true relationship Amir grew up disliking Hassan because he did not know that they shared blood. Knowing their true identities possibly could
Baba, is what Amir called his father. Amir always looked up to Baba. He never wanted to disappoint him. Amir always wanted to be the only boy in the eyes of his father. He was jealous and would do anything for Baba to look up to him or respect him, as his son. Hence, the kite and alley incident. Through all the lies and deception, Baba still viewed Amir as innocent in many ways. Though Baba always wanted Amir to be athletic, play soccer, and display a talent of kite running and flying like Hassan and himself, he still loved Amir and saw his talents as a
Flying kites was a source of Amir 's happiness as a child as well as a way to attain his father’s approval. In Kabul, Afghanistan, a kite flying tournament was held annually. Young boys laced their string with glass and attempted to cut the strings of other kite flyers. That last on standing was deemed the champion and the idol of all the younger children. Before Amir competed in his kite tournament, Baba said, “I think maybe you 'll win the tournament this year. What do you think?” (Hosseini, 50) Amir took this opportunity and told himself that, “I was going to win, and I was going to run that last kite. Then I’d bring it home and show it to Baba. Show him once and for all his son was worthy. Then maybe my life as a ghost in this house would finally be over.” (Hosseini, 50) Amir wanted the approval and affection of his father badly enough that he was willing to allow Hassan to get raped in order to attain it. After this kits became the symbol of Amir 's betrayal to Hassan. The kite ultimately becomes the way that Amir connects with Sohrab, mirroring how Amir connected with Baba when he was a
One of the most tragic and tear-jerking moments in the entire novel surrounds the moment when Amir decides to not help Hassan while he is getting raped. Reading this part, it is very hard not to get furious with Amir because obviously what he did was wrong, but he did have reasoning behind not helping his brother. Amir stands there for a few reasons; one of the reasons being his desire for his father approval, which he knows he can receive by coming home with the kite. When Assef says this, “I've changed my mind; I'm letting you keep the kite, Hazara. I'll let you keep it so it will always remind you of what I'm about to do.
Over the course of the novel, Baba implies that he is not proud of Amir and the only reason he knows Amir is his son, is because he witnessed Amir 's birth. He states to Rahim Khan that he thinks Amir needs to stand up for himself more often. Countless times during the novel, Amir feels like he has to fight for his affection, that he has to earn Baba’s love. In order to prove himself worthy of affection and to redeem himself for not being a son Baba could be proud of, Amir yearns to win the kite runner competition. He reminisces on a memory, when all “I saw was the blue kite. All I smelled was victory. Salvation. Redemption” (65). In the aftermath of Hassan’s rape, Amir got rid of Hassan so he would not have to face the cause of his guilt on a daily basis. Amir buries the secret of the rape deep within him, where he hopes that it will not come back to haunt him, which is not the case. “We had both sinned and betrayed. But Baba had found a way to create good out of his remorse. What had I done, other than take my guilt out on the very same people I had betrayed, and then try to forget it all? What had I done, other than become an insomniac? What had I ever done to right things?” (303). As mentioned earlier, Amir is not one who stands up for himself. In order for Amir to redeem himself for betraying Hassan, and not standing up for him earlier,
In The Kite Runner, Hassan is a servant in Amir’s family, but Amir initially sees him as a friend, and the two are inseparable. Hassan is extremely loyal to Amir, and proves time and time again to be a valuable companion, but over time their friendship deteriorates. The social differences between Hassan, who is a Hazara, and Amir, who is a privileged Pashtun, create a source of conflict within their friendship as the two can never be truly equal. Due to this inequality, Amir expects Hassan to sacrifice for him, and it is this expectation that leads Hassan to much misery. After Amir wins the kite tournament, he asks Hassan to run for him the blue kite, which Hassan does so, telling Amir “For you a thousand times over!” (Hosseini 67). Hassan, being a loyal friend of Amir’s, goes out to find
Amir does not loves sports as much as Baba, but he does love participating in the kite-fighting tournament. In the winter of 1975, Amir and Hassan compete in the tournament. Amir feels that this is a way to gain some of Baba’s loves back, therefore winning is crucial. Hassan is a master at kite running. No matter the weather conditions or the amount of people running a kite, Hassan always knew where the kite was going to land. During the tournament, Amir fought the kites and Hassan ran them. Amir cut the string of the last kite and Hassan began to ran. That day, Amir witnessed Hassan being raped by a childhood bully and his friends. Amir ran away instead of helping Hassan escape. This is where Amir’s morals are first questioned in the
Amir and Hassan’s relationship is a recurring theme throughout the novel. In the ethnic caste system, Amir is a Pashtun and Hassan is a Hazara. Pashtuns are placed in a much higher caste than Hazaras, therefore Hazaras are treated as servants to the Pashtuns. Every morning, Hassan prepares Amir’s breakfast, makes his clothes and cleans his room for him. In the annual kite tournament, at least two people must work together in order to properly maneuver the kite, one to lead the kite, and another to feed the kite’s glass string. Hassan’s role is the latter. His role is to feed the kite’s string for Amir and run after any fallen kites. The glass string attached to the kite is dangerous as it is coated with shards of glass and leaves bloody marks and cuts on the hands. Although Hassan catches the fallen kites, he must always bring it back to Amir. One winter, when Hassan and Amir were waiting under a tree for the kite to come to them, Hassan asks Amir “Would I ever lie to you, Amir agha?” (Ho...
In the novel The Kite Runner, Baba teaches his son Amir that he needs to be able to grow up and stand for himself and grow courage. Amir in this book is mainly jealous and craves love from Baba, whom he thinks loves Hassan more than Amir. Amir also feels for a lot of responsibility for his mother's death. His father is teaching him to become a man, and Amir wants to prove himself. In the novel it states,''Baba was telling me about the time he'd cut fourteen kites on the same day. I smiled, nodded, laughed at all the right places, but I hardly heard a word he said. I had a mission now. And I wasn't going to fail Baba. Not this time"(Hosseini 46). In this scene, Amir was explaing all of the things Baba had done when he was a kid and shows he
When individuals betray people and refuse to forgive themselves for their past actions, they will be troubled by the memory until they stop ignoring their mistake and take action to redeem their past. Despite whatever Amir’s motives were, he betrayed Hassan, a true friend. Once he left him in the alley to be raped by Assef and his gang, nothing was ever the same. He was consumed with the idea that winning the kite competition would finally impress his father, and allowed this to consume his moral judgment as well:
Points: Amir realizes his mistakes from right to wrong. He always felt jealous of Hassan because he was a lot closer to Baba than he was. He felt the need to redeem himself, because he felt guilty of what he did to Hassan, and is trying to make it up to
Early in the novel, Amir sees Hassan cornered by Assef and his gang while trying to defend Amir’s kite he won with during the kite running tournament. He tries to decide whether he should save Hassan like he has done for him on multiple occasions or turn his back on his only friend. “I could step into that alley, stand up for Hassan-the way he stood up for me all those times in the past
There are many approaches to parenting and everyone has their own preferences as to what they think is best. In a fast paced rush around society, it is hard to know what the best choices are for your children. There is a struggle to balance what needs to be done with what can be done, and this has negative and positive feedback on the children. Parents play a critical role in shaping and guiding their children into functional confident adults. An effective parent will learn as they teach in order to grow into understanding with their children.
Darling and Steinberg (1993) have defined parenting styles as “a constellation of attitudes toward the child that are communicated to the child and that taken together, create an emotional climate in which the parent’s behaviors are expressed” (p. 488). In order to fully understand how these parenting practice influence behaviors and habits on academic performance or achievement you must understand the differences between the practices. In a more concise explanation, authoritarian practices are parents who are extremely strict, admire obedience, and discourage communication between the parent-child and express low levels of warmth. Authoritative practices are parents who have rules and boundaries, open communication between themselves and the child and have an equal balance of warmth for the child. Permissive practices are parents who are warm and loving, however have no rules and boundaries, in other words, these parent have no limits or expectations for their child. Uninvolved-neglecting practices are those parents who do not impose discipline or encouragement, these parents do not engage with their child. With these definitions in mind a parent can be any one or a mixture of
Parents must have sense of ownership in their child’s success. Parents must know what is going on with their child at school and in their personal life. If there are negative indicators, action must be taken to correct these issues. A child’s success is affected by the interactions of the parents. If there are distracters in the personal life of the child it can be detrimental to their education; therefore, these distractions need to be minimized if not removed.